Age Gap? 21 yr old girl with a 40 year old guy?

[LaffyTaffy777]

I’m a 21 and I’ve gotten to know a guy who is 38 years old.

He really nice, has no kids, no drama, pretty successful in life, and TBH he’s kinda cute. He’s quieter, tall, and easygoing.

From everything I’ve been able to find out about him he’s always been really focused on his career and just never really prioritized having a girlfriend.

Well he’s made it clear he likes me…

Pleez only serious answers!

Yes

No

Other

Updates

1 y

I just saw I messed up his age. He’s 38 not 40

[DaveJord]

So what's the issue here? Sounds like you found a good man, can you appreciate him and respect him for who he is, or do you think you need more or deserver better?

If the age is the issue then that's ups to you to decide, but a good man is a good man... and they are far and few between. But older men are not like the 20 somethings you are used to, we have a low threshold for silly stuff and BS. So the more complicated you make it the less attractive you will become to guys like us, or at least to guys like me. Because at 38 I already knew I had to a lot to offer a women, and if she didn't appreciate that then there is always some one else out there for me. I am 46 now and still feel the same. But a good women are hard to fine, so I found one and I am holding on to her to her because I appreciate all the things she does for me and I don't stress about the things she doesn't because it really isn't all that important, and she does the same for me.

When two people meet and its meant to be they make it as easy as possible on each other to be together and stay together... so its only going to be as difficult as you or he makes it.

[Anonymous]

The only thing I question is not having focused on a real relationship. I mean there’s a lot of very wealthy, successful men out there who probably make way more than he does but still have a family. So that would be my only concern. I mean even if you went to school to be a doctor you’d be about 30 or so by the time you finished, that’s about 10-12 years w internship. As for the girl who said it’s a red flag that he can’t attract a girl his own age, doesn’t mean it’s a red flag. Maybe he realizes a lot of women his age are just bitter and old. I don’t see a big deal w the age difference, just so long as you know what you’re getting into. Do what makes you happy.

[Daniela1982]

Here's my serious answer. Why worry about what anyone on here says? They have their own questions on life and sex. If anyone told you no would you listen to them? You have to do what you think is right for you, and you have to accept any consequences so that is why you shouldn't ask anyone else's advice. But since you asked. Everyone says age is nothing but a number, but so is your IQ. A low number and a high number don't go together. Each has it's own issues.

[Pinay_ako]

So what makes you think he’s ready now to prioritize a girlfriend? If he’s serious about you, then by all means. Go for it. All the best! 💕 I was 22 when I met a man in his mid 30s. I like that he was older 🥰

[OlderAndWiser]

How many children would you like to have and spaced how far apart?

[HighValue]

It is fine as long as you both have compatible morals, compatible long term life goals, and some things in common you both enjoy doing together.

Does he have kids?

If he has kids within 15 years of your age I don't think it would be a good idea, but if he doesn't have any kids then the age gap should be totally fine.

[LaffyTaffy777]

Oh ok that makes sense. No he doesn’t have any kids

[Abchahaha]

If he is a good man that much of an age gap shouldn't be a problem and the potential risk is that since the age gap is pretty big, your and his biological clocks will shift drastically and create some problems in the future. Personally, if you are into sex, for example, it can be a problem.

Also a problem in communications between different generations. I still think if he is a good man, go for it, and see if it's working out.

[EmbraceThePain]

If you like him and you are sure about your feelings on him then there’s no need to post this. Actually, the answers you seek are within yourself. Also, he’s 38 not 40, so if we are being specific with age like you are with you being 21 then it’s worth it to note this in my opinion. If you like someone, I don’t think it’s necessary for you to ask others for validation

[BlueScorpio]

I mean I guess if you want to, you're both of age. But keep in mind, dating men who are 10+ years older will have it's draw backs. As men get older, they tend to get sickier faster and unfortunately die faster before their wife. If you have kids you could end up a single widowed and the child will grow up without knowing his dad for very long. Hopefully that's not the case and he's still in good health.

[Haha456]

Just one thing you need to consider.

When you hit 45, he will already be a senior citizen at 62. You might not be happy being married to a grandpa while you're still so young and full of life.

Women also live longer than men so likely you will spend 20-30 years dying alone without a husband.

Be aware of all the consequences before you commit.

[RandomGuy1030]

Who cares. Avg relationship lasts 6 months

[Haha456]

@RandomGuy1030

sounds like someone is offended

[RandomGuy1030]

Listen to yourself "dont date him because he is old" we know

[Haha456]

@RandomGuy1030

ok u definitely sound mad

[RandomGuy1030]

So what? Am i wrong

[Haha456]

@RandomGuy1030

facts don't care if they hurt your feelings.

[likelyOK]

I think it’s okay but I honestly can’t see any guy wanting a serious relationship with a 21 who is 38 so just keep in mind for something casual it’s okay. But your not mature enough for a serious relationship with someone that older. But for fun you guys enjoy

[20yearsolder]

Something you need to take into consideration, do you want to have children? If you do this is probably not a serious relationship for you. I see no issue with you dating an older man. If he's career oriented, he's probably not going to change that though. 2 months into the relationship you're going to be bitching that he doesn't spend enough time with you because he's always working. Just things to take into consideration

[SunnyHeythere]

The right guy spoke

[Haha456]

most 21 yr old girls are still just kids playing around exploring the world of men. Likely this won't be a long term serious relationship. kids that age don't tend to be mature enough for that stuff

[Chill_Thoughts]

Yes but definitely keep your life moving too, there's nothing wrong with an age gap, but it might be easy to let him take care of everything since he probably can. And that's something you should only do later on when you know it'll be a long lasting thing, so keep studying/working and some sort of independence for a while

[Massageman]

Sounds as though you've been vetting him out a bit and he's coming up "clean". See how he responds to different day-to-day situations as your relationship- of whatever type- develops. His responses would give you most of the answers you need as far as being a compatible relationship.

[Anonymous]

i know it's legal, but i still think it's weird. just can't imagine me (31) dating someone in their early 20's... such a different mindset in life.

if you just want a short relationship/fling then sure i guess... but this isn't built for the long term. in my opinion.

[Twalli]

I personally wouldn't go more than 10 years in either direction. Yes, there are hot girls 18-20, but I just feel they're too young for me. Not that a 21 year old is as established in their life as much as I am, but they're probably almost done with school if not completely done.

[Smoothing]

The age gap is too enormous. If you were 30 and he was 50, I wouldn't think of it too much. I would think you are incompatible when it comes to maturity level. Most likely than not, it won't work down the line.

[Haha456]

there would be immense problems if she were 40 and he at 60. imagine being married to a senior citizen at the young age of 40 when she is still full of energy.

[Smoothing]

There might be problems. Although that is dependent on the way he looks after himself. And 60 is not a senior citizen. 60 is middle age and so is 40. 70 is where senior citizenship really begins.

Having said that, if the guy is nit the type that looks after himself, then chances are that at 60, he may have the health of a 75 year old. If he is the type that looks after himself, then at 60, he may be as young as 50 health wise.

[Smoothing]

But generally speaking, age difference has a crucial impact on relationships especially at the younger ages.

[Haha456]

Most people are seniors at 60 regardless of whether you like it or not. He may be unable to sexually fulfill her. She may not be attracted to him. Vast differences in energy levels may also cause them to not do things together or have the same interests anymore. He wants to go to bed early while she wants to stay up late. She wants to explore or do new things while he may not. She might want to go on vacation but his knee hurts too much to go

She may want to ride motorcycles and have a great sex life, he may just need an escort to see the doctor

Its very hard to stay fulfilled in a marriage like this

[Haha456]

Looking after yourself does not garuantee forever youth. 75% of aging and disease and lifespan is based on genetics. Its largely beyond your control

[Smoothing]

Well, I am not going to argue with you on that. I just know that according to medical data and statistics, there is a correlation between one's life style and good health. It is not my opinion it is information based on data.

As for what you mentioned about different energy levels, I am already aware of that. Though it is not always the case. Again I say this based on evidence.

These however are all the factors that a young woman embarking on having a relationship with an older man, should consider carefully.

I don't agree with people with very wide age gap in being together,, but it is not a crime. I just think, a 30 yearl old woman is in a good position to know what she is doing compared to a 21 year old. Hence why I think it is not ideal for a 20 year old to be with a 40 yearly old. Even then it is still not a crime.

[Smoothing]

And just to mention, a person is in their youth under the age of 40. Once a person has clocked 40, they are in middle age. A person is considered of old age once they clock 70. Again variations may occur based on various factors but that doesn't change this classification.

[Smoothing]

Of course in layman's terms every one say you are old once you rich 50 or even 60 but that still doesn't change the classification

[Haha456]

I don't care how well you take care of your health. If you're 62 and healthy, your dick still won't work. You still will get knee pain. You still will be significantly slower when you walk compared to a 45 yr old. You still will notice a big decreaes in energy levels. You still won't be able to catch up with a 40 yr old.

Exceptions do not make the rule.

A 40 yr old is mid life. When you're married to someone in their 60s, they are already at the end of their lives. They're retiring, entering elderly homes, don't have the energy to continue working full time, too tired to raise children. Most people in their early 50s are already low on energy and looking forward to retire. They're not looking to raise more kids from scratch.

All the other 40 yr olds are having sex, riding motorcycles, travling with their spouses. Meanwhile you are busy taking your spouse to the doctor, making sure they don't fall while walking in the park, you need to slow down your pace in order for them to catch up. They may struggle to see clearly, ask you for help opening tight jars, asking you to help them lift heavy boxes, their dicks don't work. You will also likely spend the remaining 20-30 years of your dying alone without a spouse.

how can anyone truly be happy under so many negative consequences? its not a good deal.

and no, exceptions do not matter or make the rule. quit obsessing over it. Not many 65 yr olds who act like 50 yr olds out there.

[Smoothing]

I am not interested in whether you care or not. Suit yourself.

[Haha456]

@Smoothing

It does not matter if you don't care. Vast majority of women aren't interested in marrying someone they can't grow old with. You can't grow old with someone who is already old. Its a fact.

[Smoothing]

Good for you

[FilmGuy93]

This is how you get used. Men like that don't date women like you seriously. You aren't in a place in life where he could even take you seriously. If you date him, just know that he's not there to claim you.

[Sixgunsound]

He’s finally hit his stride and at the point where he can give you a good life, and you’re at the perfect age to give him healthy children. I don’t see what the problem is.

[Avicenna]

You're both adults, so I don't see any problem, and you clearly like him. I say go for it. Age differences don't matter as much as people often assume they do.

[Kiss_Me]

Don't play the whole age game. As long as both of you are legitimately into each other run with it. The alternative is to allow OTHER people to decide who you date.

[atiquahbby]

I would say definitely no, he could just be using you. Please be careful, it is very probable that you will regret the decisions you make today.

[Subarugirl]

It’s a red flag, if he can’t attract women in his age range he’ll go for less experienced and more nieve women that will tolerate things that more mature women won’t.

[Abchahaha]

I turned down multiple confessions in my life for a girl and after broke up I turned down many people who tried to introduce me one for marriage. It's pretty wrong when the asker already attracted to the guy and you said he couldn't attract women. Older women sometimes can be too annoying to deal with compare to a young girl because of the dynamic. Sometimes a man enjoy the position of higher status quo that would not be a problem as long as the girl enjoy it. There are pros and cons to everything.

Why do you think many career men enjoy younger girls, it's not just because of perversion, it's like that because they want to avoid women with complicated life stories. That spells troubles for them. You can't be the only one that can choose who to date, it's not how the world works.

[Subarugirl]

@Abchahaha like I said less experienced and more nieve

[Abchahaha]

It is a perk, just because one has more experience doesn't mean it's automatically a plus point. I know people who like older women too. The funny thing about experience is that more experience doesn't mean it's a good thing for various reasons including hidden emotional problems, or comparison, a bad experience can also negatively affect you too, etc

I used to like experienced women too until I got hit with 8 different versions of boyfriends when I landed into an argument with the girl lol. That's not pleasant in the slightest. I love that girl for like a decade and didn't give up when she broke up with me to date a different guy lol. So nowadays I am sure as hell dodge women who has a lot of dating experience. For me it's a huge red flag too.

[Subarugirl]

@Abchahaha in pretty much every scenario more experience is a good thing. I which scenario would it not be?

[Abchahaha]

That's why I recommend the asker to try it out while giving potential drawbacks. If the guy only focused on his career so far there is a chance he is satisfied with his current situation and looking for a long term relationship and it can be a good thing if it's true since he will commit.

Also in this case if true the guy probably also has pretty low dating experience too, it's up to the girl to explore her date, not us. In this case, she was asking for the age gap issue and I find it is less of an issue if he is a good man.

[Subarugirl]

@Abchahaha good men don’t prey on girls young enough to be their daughters….

[Abchahaha]

That's quite a questionable stand of moral judgement, you judge someone entirely based on their preference for companionship in intimate relationship, that's quite problematic, maybe it stems from social norms or religious stand point?

Don't judge a book by it cover. Men or women. What if he is really serious about relationship and find her loveable with all the good intentions? I think the girl can assess the man carefully for herself. She is the one in the best position of doing so because she can read what is inside the book.

[Subarugirl]

@Abchahaha actually no, good men don’t prey on people period, girls young enough fall into that category too as far as I am concerned

[Abchahaha]

Seems like you are determined to accuse someone of preying. She is an adult, she is capable of learning and exploring. Any sort of "period" sound funny because you output a result based on something else and never assess the situation properly. It is not reasonable and logical to me by the slightest. But you do you, that's my way of saying I respectfully disagree.

[Subarugirl]

@Abchahaha I’m not accusing anyone of anything.

[Agagagagaga]

@Subarugirl “good men don’t prey on girls young enough to be their daughters….”

I agree. Now say something critical of the women who pursue these men. Are they “good” women?

[Subarugirl]

@Agagagagaga women that peruse men old enough to be their fathers do so because they want an authority figure and someone who will take care of them.

[r0ckstarsgf]

if he treats you right and you see a future with him GO FOR IT. if anyone comments on your relationship ignore it because it you are in the relationship not them.
HAPPY FOR YOU!🙂🫶🏽