LDR after one date?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy on Bumble and we went out to out first date, it was perfect. The thing is that he dosen't live in the same country as I do, he was visiting his brother who move to my city.

He insisted on being in touch and since that date we have been texting here and there. He makes small jokes of "when you come to visit me" and I am very reserved because I'm not willing to take a plane for a one-date guy. He said he will visit his brother in a couple months.

I like him, though. Texting is getting weird and I don't know anymore if we both are going to make it.

What you would do on a situation like this? Should we keep talking I should I just let him go?

[BarryLiverstone]

Let him go

[Asker]

I'm considering that. Could you elaborate more?

[BarryLiverstone]

Ldrs are always a challenge even if you know someone a year before they move away. You went on date. Chalk it up as a good experience and date others. If you run into him again you can catch up

[BarryLiverstone]

Aren’t there other guys you see irl that you wanna talk to?

[Asker]

Excellent, thanks

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welding

[BarryLiverstone]

Welcome *

[BarryLiverstone]

Unless you are a welder, in which case you are both lol

[Asker]

It's weird, there are but is complicated for to me find someone I like. All the guys I have been dating at the end aren't my type. This was an excellent fit and it felt rare and special, that's why.

[BarryLiverstone]

I get that you gotta have chemistry and vibe with someone on date #1. But saying that they are perfect would be a stretch as everyone is flawed. It’s more likely they didn’t stick around long enough for you to see his flaws

[Asker]

That's fare. And what do you think about the friend area? Should I tell him that I consider him just a friend and keep contact without any romantic intentions?

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s fine to have an online friend but depends on how he sees you. If it started in a romantic way he may feel rejected if you remove romance from the equation. But still you can ask and see what his needs are. Assuming you are friends then you would encourage him to find another girl to date and you wouldn’t feel jelly

[Asker]

Got it. Thanks for answering. I appreciate it!

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Lemme know if you had other thoughts as it sounds like he was a special date. Could help you know what to find in other guys

[Asker]

Thanks. Well, as I mentioned it was unique. I consider myself someone that likes deep conversation and a very contemplative way to see the world. What I liked was the sensation we were able to connect from the same perspective as well as the way we both expressed our ideas about loneliness, it is not common. So I was aware that he was living but never expected to feel so comfortable on such a deeper level. Texting after that make me realize we both share some thoughts on a similar line of thought, but I don't want to idealize him

[Asker]

All the guys I know are more the snob type. It's difficult to find someone intelligent that is silly at the same time. I have about two years dating here and there and only liked two guys, one is gay (we went out as friends and I wasn'aware of that) and the other lives overseas ha ha ha ha

[BarryLiverstone]

Correct idolizing him def isn’t healthy as you read his words as you would a story and inject your own emotions. Being together more in person you hear his tone and it’s less about your version of him and more letting him stand as an individual. But something you said is very important and that’s feeling safe. I’m wondering if other guys have made you feel safe and that’s part of why he felt special to you. Loneliness has been a worldwide emotion with the pandemic so it seems like lots of people have coped in their own ways. True it’s a deep topic but glad you bonded initially and saw you can connect to someone like him

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh you know many people are intelligent and silly. Most people have many aspects to their personality. It’s just challenging on a first date or when meeting someone to show all of who you are as it’s risky that silly nature could be a turn off so many people try to hide it and be safe. Or they accuse others of being a welder due to a typo ;)

[Asker]

Thanks, I will take into consideration all that you mentioned. With other guys I feel bored, with him I talked none stop 6 hours, but yes, of course, first impressions are their own experience and with distant I get I'm seeing what I wish for. He asked me if I will be willing to visit him the moment we say goodbye, I don't know if it was to keep the bond, but sometimes we have to be realistic and I don'Greek comfortable with exposing my safety in another country just to know him better. Thank you for reading, best of wishes :)

[Asker]

Hahaha haha true. But you know? Is not just being smart, is to have social awareness, to be into humanities and the complexity of life but not assuming the rest if the population is worthless. It's a combination of culture, and education but also sympathy. Each person has a characteristic but very few the whole package. Who knows.

[BarryLiverstone]

We are all human and on earth together. We can’t assume most of us here are worthless. Most people have value whether that’s to their family or career or society and sometimes all three. Too often on social sites like this we see toxic behavior glamorized and people claim others are worthless. You are correct that having empathy for others and trying to form meaningful connections is important as we grow and meet new people. It’s 2:30 am here in Florida and I am reply to a question on a free internet site as I’m working on month end for my company. Yet I can still find connections and still engage in conversation with an anonymous stranger because we are all people and we mostly want and need similar things. Being open and exposing ourselves to judgement is part of the risk but without risk there can be no benefits. So I agree that having social awareness and not isolating ourselves Is valuable.

[JohnK123]

Lol I would try to stick with it until it’s unbearable

[In_Trance]

waste of time