Need help on this girl issue ?

[Ajeffort322]

My Physical stature : 6’3, tattoos, weightlifter. I’ve been seeing this girl stare at me at the gym for a few days so I finally went up to talk to her and just brought up a random topic like school. It seemed to go really well and she even gave me her Instagram (didn’t follow me back). Before I ended the convo, I asked if she was down to work out sometime and she says “maybe…I’ll think about it”. I was so thrown off at that point because she was giving me looks the past few days that I’ve seen her. Can anyone answer this cuz it feels like a rejection?

[SteveSmith1985]

I don't really know if you should rightly consider this rejection.

It's a "stupid-ass-answer" is what it is. It's a dumb thing for her to have said REGARDLESS of whether or not she is, indeed interested in you.

So, let's say you misinterpreted her signals, and she in-fact DOES'T want to go out with you. Ok, so, I suppose that's possible. But I would say it's unlikely. The only situation I can picture of someone saying this, when they really should've said "no," would be:

"A shy or awkward girl who has never been asked-out before who panics, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying "no" so... she says "maybe... I'll think about it" instead of letting you down in a more kind yet direct way."

This girl would have looked like a deer-in-headlights while saying this to you.


Ok, so then, let's take the other possibility. She DOES want to go out with you, but rather than saying "yes"... she says this to you. Now... why in the fuck... would anyone DO that? Well... not for any reason you or I are likely to find compelling. Nevertheless, I can absolutely imagine some women saying this for reasons that make sense to HER (but are, in fact counterproductive and confusing).

Now, my guess is... that she was trying to:

"not look desperate" or to "not seem to eager" she was trying to "play it cool" and make it seem like "she has other options (when it comes to guys)." I have seen more than a few cases of misguided women making a specific point to actively NOT show the level of interest/attraction out of a wrong-headed idea that it will make HER less attractive to YOU (by seeming "too available" or "too interested too quickly")

That's the only way I can make sense of this. WHat you do with that exactly... I donno.

I mean... it's fucking stupid. What are you going to do?

1. Flirt with her as though she DIDN"T just half-reject you? (probably and understandably not).

or

2. Give her space and time to decide upon her answer... and... I guess... wait for her to come up to you and say "so about that working-out together thing..."? (That... isn't going to happen)

I can tell you this: She sure as shit didn't need more time to think about it. This was an unnecessary 'maybe'. She HAS been looking at you (whether you interpreted it wrongly or not). Surely she wasn't so taken-off-guard by the prospect of you asking her out... that she had never considered it before and had no idea whether or not she wanted to.

Here's the dumbest part. IF I'm right (and maybe I'm not)... then what she WANTS/EXPECTS you to do is to... basically... continue flirting/talking etc exactly the same way you have been. She has this "order of events" where... you didn't at all feel rejected by her "maybe". Not in her mind. in HER mind, the "maybe" has somehow made her seem more...'mysterious' and 'more attractive' than the simple "yes".

So... when you naturally sorta 'pull-back' and act a bit differently as a result of her "maybe"... she is (somehow) genuinely confused as to what happened. That's just NOT how it goes down in her head. You're supposed to act the same way towards her, until she decides to change her maybe to a 'yes'.

Again. It's stupid. Good luck 🙂

[Ajeffort322]

Lmaooo I feel that too. Like I said, She gave me her Instagram after I asked and didn’t even follow me back. Could that be another sign of her trying to maybe be “hard to get” or “mysterious” like you said?

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes, the instagram thing COULD be another symptom of the same thing. And you kinda have to be the judge of whether you think she's interested and trying to be mysterious. Or if she's just too shy to give you a straight 'no'.

I wouldn't really continue 'pressing' anything in terms of making other advances. But, if you're thinking she might be interested, you are definitely best to "keep doing what you've been doing". So if you usually smile and say 'hi'... don't stop doing that. But otherwise it's kinda up to her to make the next advance (which she didn't think about when giving her 'maybe'). That 'advance' doesn't have to be anything so open and direct as her asking when you're free to work out with her. But she DOES need to show you (through looks, words, attention etc) that she's interested. After that, you can start making advances again.

[Light909090]

Consider that a rejection that’s like saying maybe You ever have that friend that says we might hang out or you ask to hangout with a friend and he’s like maybe 🤔
And then he never hangs out
Just wait if she sends you a message then great if not oh well could of been a game she was playing just to mess with your head