Is it a bad sign if you feel nervous when someone you like says hello to to the point where you avoid the same spot?

[VIVANT]

This is about me & guy I asked out a few weeks ago —and after some mix up we’re on track to hang out Thursday evening or Friday morning 😂

… So he knows I hang out in a tree at the library where he works in between my shifts, bc he ran into me there a while back. He has since made it a habit of stopping to say hi & sit with me on his way into the library to work.

I don’t think there is anything wrong & obviously he’s free to sit in any tree and I certainly never ashes not to. I think it is very sweet and courteous. I think if I was normal, I’d probably enjoy it. But well I go there between shifts to decompress and be alone and with him coming by it feels like I need to be “on” which is stressful.

And yeah I know when you get along it shouldn’t be stressful but sone prophetic get stressed & we only really just decided to maybe date so the dynamic has changed tho I’ve known him a few years.

first person I ever felt really strongly about I got so nervous I’d end up avoiding him and he thought I hated him and it was a big mess. And I don't know if I’m always going to feel weird around people I like or what. I was five till I ashes him out in text between the two of us he was the mire shy. I think tuat has flipped now & I’m very disoriented. he seems really confident and I’m all spazzing out inwardly. Outwardly luckily I’m composed. It’s my thing lol

Not sure exactly what I’m asking. Im just a bit concerned of my unfortunate tendency and I don’t know if this is “ new situation nerves” or I’m just beginning my truest journey of escapism even tho I like the person very much.

So I don't know, I guess any thoughts on the subject are welcome, thank you.

LOL I love how with these images, when the girl is nervous the girl is brunette. When the guy is nervous, the woman is blind 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️

Internet pic

Not a problem yet we’ll see

It’s kinda a bad thing but not terrible

It’s pretty bad

No big deal

Other

[WindAtMyBack]

Tell him "I don't have much experience with this kind of thing and I'm out of my comfort zone."

This is a way of saying "It's not you, it's me." except it sounds a lot more honest because it really is more honest.

He sounds like he is patient. So you can explain that you need a lot of space and time to yourself. Explain that your tree is a sanctuary where you can spend time alone and chill.

I've got a feeling that he knows you reasonably well and understands some of your nuances. If this is really the case, I don't think you will scare him away so easily. I think he'll accept how you are and give you the space you need.

[VIVANT]

I may try that, thank you 😊 🙏🏼

[Jamie05rhs]

I completely understand how you feel. (And no; it's not a bad thing.) I think it would be completely normal for him to stop and hang out with you IF you had already been on the date. (Or, more preferably, after like 5-10 dates). Because then you would have a basis, having already established that connection. But in my mind, right now he still doesn't know you like that.

In addition, the point of that being your "me-time" is hugely significant and relevant as well. So even if you guys were already "official" and "dating," it would still be somewhat of an intrusion.

I get that he's very outgoing, and that's nice. But I guess you just need to find a way to explain to him politely that your "tree-time" is "me-time."

[Jamie05rhs]

And I understand what you're saying about him being confident, but that's just something you're going to have to learn to deal with. A man being confident is not a bad thing. That means he's happy and secure and feels hopeful about the world. And he's happy to have the privilege of spending time in your presence! :)
If a girl asks a guy out, that is a sign of encouragement, and that is telling him that she likes him! That is automatically going to naturally make him confident! 😃 (Or at least more confident than he would have been otherwise. Of course we all have our own insecurities and our own traumatic pasts, and we're not all starting from the same starting line. And some of us may move at a slower pace than others.)

So if a man is excited about seeing you, and he acts assertively, please don't freak out. That is just the way he is naturally designed to be. You don't have to feel like he's trying to conduct a coup or a role reversal or anything like that. Because I can assure you that, in most cases, that is not the case. (If he is a respectful feminist gentleman.)

[VIVANT]

I don’t feel like he’s trying to anything bad. Maybe I write this wrong I was referring to something that switched in me. Not what I think about him. I think women and men should be confident when they like people that’s normal and healthy, I was just feeling myseif retract.

[VIVANT]

Bit yeah you’re right it’s not that I’m just feeling strange there’s another layer of interrupted solitude tho it’s not his fault bc I didn’t say

I wonder if he thinks I’m there bc of him!! 🤭 awkward 😐

[Jamie05rhs]

"I wonder if he thinks I'm there because of him!!". Hmm. Nahh; I don't think so. I wouldn't worry about that. :)

[Jamie05rhs]

"I was referring to something that switched in me. ... I was just feeling myseif retract."
@VIVANT I just had a thought. I would like you to consider something, if you would: Do you think there's something in you that makes you feel uncomfortable unless you're 100% in control of a situation? Because I think that that's possibly what's throwing you off with relationships. Because relationships are 50-50. No one is ever in 100% control. Because you work together and compromise. (That's kind of the point of the whole thing; you're forming a team.). But I would personally encourage you not to be scared of that. It's not a bad thing. Teamwork and give and take can be a very beautiful thing. It just requires being able to trust the other person to believe that they're not trying to pull one over on you. (And yes; I know that that's the hard part.)

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO! :)

[melanieeeB]

I really don't know you enough and I'm so super speculating here, but my thoughts were that you're maybe a person who just needs a lot space and time in the beginning? And he is more open or more on the go to get things rolling and I guess that's maybe why you feel so nervous and that you have to be more on socially now that he comes by the tree here and there?
Anyways if it's that way, I would say communicate to him that you need more time and little space or find another secret spot to relax a little and if you're ready to interact with him, hang out at that tree

[VIVANT]

Yeah I think this is a good idea, thank you 😊

[AddylynnNightingale]

I think that's bad. Your anxiety sabotages your plans with this man. You'll come across as hot and cold and that's bad.

[VIVANT]

Yes I agree. I can see that as problematic ultimately if there’s no understanding.

[NathanDavis]

to overthink things and then avoid, yes...

this can be a bad thing

either you could try and face those feelings, or maybe you should just mention it...

that you mean for that time and that spot to be your time of solitude and your time to relax and to decompress... he needs to be aware of you wanting and needing this, otherwise he will just keep coming to you there and at others places all the time and you might end up escaping again

so perhaps come clean and be clear, hope he understand it... or you will have to run and hide forever... lol

[RealMarek]

I think nerves are natural given that the nature of your relationship with him is changing now that you have expressed interest in each other and plan to see each other. If you need time to decompress you can either go somewhere else for awhile, or just hang out there with him more until you are so used to being around him that the nerves fade away. Remember to breathe deeply and do things that can calm nervous energy: take walks, exercise, enjoy calming music, take a bath, etc.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

No big deal yet I would give the guy a chance but always go by his body language and also go by the language barrier he uses, if he uses foul language then, of course, that is a red flag, etc Best wishes :-)

[Havthrills]

It's a bad thing. Why avoid him? If you like him, why avoid everything about him? Basically you're staying away because... it states you don't like him, actually despise him. That's what it puts off.

[es20490446e]

Do you pressure yourself to behave in a certain way when around people?

[VIVANT]

It’s not really about behaving but you have to engage

[007kingifrit]

you should work on changing your emotions, not behaviors. anxiety is something you can overcome

[VIVANT]

This is true.

[KrakenAttackin]

He will end up thinking you are avoiding him! If you want to be with him you have to take some risks as well and reach out.

[VIVANT]

That’s a good point.

[VIVANT]

Thank you this isn’t something I want to have happen 🙏🏼

[KrakenAttackin]

@VIVANT. One of your beautiful dresses, a little dab of perfume, and a big, genuine, smile... he will be hooked.

[VIVANT]

Lol thank you Krakin. I appreciate you 💜

[Jennz6]

Don’t ever trust anyone, be careful and stay safe 💕

[VIVANT]

🙏🏼 💜

[Guardian45]

Dear Sister Divergent!
I think I understand what's happening. Please correct me if I'm reading you wrong.
You use your tree hangout as your private space to recharge, and now he has invaded that.
My suggestion is that you continue to use this tree for meeting him, but when you want your private, alone time, find a NEW quiet secluded spot to get away to... Even another tree! What do you think?

[Jerre]

I don’t think it’s a problem. Just talk with him. You’ll get over the nervousness

[Jerre]

@VIVANT Thank you for the Like

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nervousness is usually from being afraid you will screw up your chance with them.

[Shy_Steve]

That's just you being Nervous, Why would that have anything to do with him?

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah, overthinking things is bad.

[pizzalovershouse]

It's a signu dislike them

[Anonymous]

E.. yes