1.) I perferr to take my time to really get to know someone before meeting.
2.) Between my two wonderful children and my successful career, I stay very busy.
3.) Don't waste my or your time unless your seriously willing to put forth the effort to build a long term committed relationship.
Do women not realize saying these types of things will only ensure that the wrong types will even attempt to contact them?
The unfortunate reality is that women don't wsnt online dating. They are bombarded daily with guys offering to take them out, so they have plenty of options. So they will take their time to get to know those guys and pick from them. They pretty much only turn to online dating for hookups and ego-boosts. Most girls on dating apps are literally only there to see how many guys will match with them and call them pretty. The rest are probably just looking for a hookup, and if you aren't physically attractive enough for them, they won't get to know you. If you ARE hot enough, they will just have sex with you and try to get to know you later if they feel like it.
The only ones who are actually trying online dating to get to know guys and form relationships are the ones who are either too busy in their lives (usually because of being single mothers) to meet guys or get offers, or they are the ones who are desperate because no one really wants anything to do with them for whatever reason.
Don't use online dating unless you are only going for hookups. Only talk to gals in real life. It's the only thing that'll work. Ideally, make some platonic female friends from work or whatever and slowly get to meet their friends or ask them to introduce you to girls who you find interesting.
"The only ones who are actually trying online dating to get to know guys and form relationships are the ones who are either too busy in their lives (usually because of being single mothers) to meet guys or get offers, or they are the ones who are desperate because no one really wants anything to do with them for whatever reason."
This absolutely true, I just came to this conclusion myself after a year or so of online dating. Had success hooking up, but your over time they were undated women over long term... just theirs lives and live style choices... any way your right. All good women get scared off in first week or two online.
Only desperate people stay on line... I just realized that includes people like me as well... lol The light bulb turned on about maybe last month after my 3rd failed on line relationship. They were all women that were just better at hiding it better then most, but eventually it all comes out.
Exactly, man! You don't need the online drama. You'll do just fine with in-person interactions. I naively tried online dating for 5 years after my ex broke my heart, and it was a waste of valuable time I could've spent working on meeting new girls and being confident instead of insecure. I did try hard to find girls in college, but nothing worked out for whatever reason. Still, I regret the unecessary aggravation I put myself through with online dating.
There's a lot of wisdom in that. Of course I never would of appreciated what your saying without experiencing it for myself first had. But you're 100% right, I mean according to my experiences any way I can't disagree or argue with you. Because you ain't wrong. Sure there's chance you find tge 1 in 1000 women out there online... but the aggravation you must endure along the way is suffocating.
Exactly! It's not worth all the blood loss to find the hay in the needke stack.
And it's funny you say that because I've been describing my struggle to other people for years with them not really believing me. But they were all in relationships with people they met in school or through friends, so they never went through what I did. They never truly understood until experiencing it themselves. I'm not the only guy thisbhas happened to either. People would always just tell guys who were struggling with girls to just try online dating, even though it might've been the worst thing to do for their egos and such. I'm just hoping I didn't waste all my time, and now I'm not going to be able to find someone in person. I'm not even sure how to find a good girl. I could start attending a church or something maybe, but I don't know.
I turned to online dating because I live in a rural area and the options for dating are very limited - especially given the line of work I do. I met my love (long distance, but we're making it work so far) online, granted I was only on the site for about two days before he found me and we started talking. We've been together now for almost a year. He's working on moving closer to where I am as it would be easier for him to find another job in his line of work than for me to do so. So maybe a LOT of women are on dating apps (and men too) just for hook ups, but there are some of us who are genuinely there for real relationships. :)
The woman get frightened and realize the grass is not any greener in the digital world. And often, it greatly affects their person-person interactions after some time on the dating app. One can see the "wheels turning" wondering if the guy in front of them is as strange or "thinking the same things" as the Freak online was.
A positive effect is that those experiences on Apps tend to highlight the good in the men/women that are close to us now. Even the "worst" of the Ex start to look good. ;-) The Dating App simply creates more Hurdles than less. It may feel faster dashing and clicking with IM and moving into other Social Medias, however, there is more to investigate and understand before spreading of legs... Dating is exhausting if digital means are the main way to interact with the opposite sex.
Still, a recognizable skill set, sincerity, and ability to communicate eye-eye in person. facetime, zoom. or phone gets one more probable positive dating outcomes... this is why I enjoy the Meetup app and especially the "coupled events"... the referrals are before your face as they all have single friends...
No problem... your insight was dead on. I have reached my maximum capacity with aggravation. Time to invest in other methods and figure out how make thst work for me.
Most turn online because its most accessible and easiest way. And yeah, I did meet some really good people, and had some fun times and adventures.. they ended in failure and the reason for that can be contributed directly to all reason thst lead me and them to online in first place.
Because its easy, and we wanted the easy. But as soon as it came time put work in to build the relationship... they bailed becsuse there 100 different guys other there online that think will make it easier for them.
Opinion
21Opinion
Because that's what you're suppose to do when dating, offline and outline? Taking the time to get to know someone, plus online dating can be just as dangerous as non online dating. You have to worry about catfishing, scammers, potential theifs, murderes, rapist etc. so when it comes to online dating, the need to be extra caustious is up. They are just trying to protect themselves and their kids from a possible threat cause you never really know who you're dealing with online. Plus they are just being upfront and honest and letting people who come across their profile that this is what they want and what they're looking for and if you don't line up with each other, then you can just move on and find someone else.
I do not disagree with you. Seriously I don't. I just don't believe that texting for weeks really doesn't lead to knowing the other person any better, then meeting each other for quick cup of coffee, walk in the park. Actually those types of face to face interactions in safe places in controled environments, will allow you to learn so much more faster... it actually saves times not wastes it.
So my advice to women is that after few days of chating if not the type of person meet someone for cup of coffee... then don't go online or try online dating. Becsuse you're doomed to meet the wrong types regardless, but you do it with expectations guys will hang out for weeks of texting while decide... then your chances are drastically reduced in finding a good guy.
Okay i agree with you on that, It shouldn't be weeks of texting. It should be over the phone conversations first where you can hear each other voices and then progress to going on a date like you said.
Most of my female clients did the same thing and wonder why they attract F boys and people who aren't interested in a relationship. No guy wants to date a woman who has 3 kids, 2 jobs and has comes off like they're life is a non stop disaster and has no time for anything else. Especially when they end it with "So don't waste my time"
Yeah no thanks.
Online dating is a perfect way to do what she's saying. She and the guy can text back and forth (typically within the dating site) and "get to know each other".
After my divorce, when I was on a few dating sites, I met several women that way. For several days or weeks, we would exchange messages, and then meet in person.
u When I read that on profiles in the past (currently in a relationship and not looking elsewhere,) assumed that it only meant "don't expect me to fuck on the first date."
After reading your many responses it looks to me like you're just trying to be validated for not having success and you're being biased not open you're not really looking for any opinions you're looking for your own opinion and anyone else's opinion that differs from yours you reject.
Anyways women who say
"1.) I perferr to take my time to really get to know someone before meeting.
2.) Between my two wonderful children and my successful career, I stay very busy.
3.) Don't waste my or your time unless your seriously willing to put forth the effort to build a long term committed relationship."
Are looking exactly for what they stated it says so clear as day you don't understand it because you reject the idea and that is as clear as day too so stay away from those girls because you don't have patience.
As far as your statement
"Do women not realize saying these types of things will only ensure that the wrong types will even attempt to contact them?"
Once more you are incorrect. These women are finding the men they're looking for and the men they're looking for are not you.
They want a patient man who's willing to go slow and understand their lifestyle and you clearly don't understand what they want what they need or how to be patient.
Now I am one of those girls who date online who have a very busy lifestyle who do not look for hookups I refuse hookups I have not done them and I refuse to meet quickly I do my primary dating online which is why it's called online dating not in person dating I do not want my time wasted by someone who wants a casual fling or is it NOT looking for a commitment if they're not interested in some sort of long-term don't look my way and guess what those terms work because I am in an 8 months going on 9 long term happy online dating relationship.
He a wonderful man. We it kept it slow as we both wanted. We've moved it on to daily phone calls text messages videos. We're intimate we're close and passionate. We're extremely sexual and we have an Great Bond. We're head over heels crazy about each other and it's going well. We know where we're headed with our relationship and we're happy on its progression it's the matter of being in agreement on how the pace is going. the terms listed above do work. nice and slow nice and steady with patience does exist. And yes we do plan on meeting at our pace that fits our lifestyle.
🤣🤣🤣 I am finished. You just spoke my mind exactly.
Okay, one thing for sure, is that women don't understand men as much as men don't understand women.
It is the very reason, women looking for serious relationships, struggle online and genuine men generally tend to have better luck in getting a woman to go on a date with them irl than when they meet on a dating site.
The idea of online dating is supposed to be that you get an extra layer of distance so you can sort of date on your own terms. Women have to feel safe in these interactions, so it’s not totally unreasonable that they would want take their time getting to know men from a distance
Yup… I have a tough time being upset about it though. You have to remember that women have all the abusive men horror stories they hear from the world around them rolling around in their minds when they do the things they do. It might seem a little much to us, and it usually is a little much, but the problem is that they aren’t doing this stuff to deal with *most* men, they’re doing it to protect themselves from the weirdos.
I get that, but honestly I am not going to allow them that excuse... about abuse. So many women do so many fucked up things to men and act like they don't even know what your taking about.
Nah, I get it fucked up shit happens to people, but it's no excuse to treat me or men in general that way. Excuses become justifications, and once you accept those excuses... they then become justified in the things they do.
1.) I prefer to take my time to really get to know someone before meeting.
I enjoy texting. Deal with it.
2.) Between my two wonderful children and my successful career, I stay very busy.
I would make time for you, but you need to realise you're one of my priorities. I've other shit too, as I'm sure you do too. So when I'm not available immediately to you, I'd be out doing overtime or running errands for my house... Not cheating on your back. Have patience, and faith in our relationship.
3.) Don't waste my or your time unless your seriously willing to put forth the effort to build a long term committed relationship.
I don't do hookups. If you want that, look elsewhere. I've my boundaries and I'll respect yours too, if you communicated them to me. If you think communication and boundaries is a joke, fuck off.
Just translating it for you. You're welcome!
It's more about the negative vibe being put out.
@ArtemisSilver can't deny. But I promise most women by this mean no harm.
Response to # 1 was not about liking text or not, it was about actually meeting instead of texting for endless weeks while claiming to be getting to know me, but refusing to meet me in person... so I think missed the piont.
#2 exactly right, what they claim they will do to make time, and how that plays out over in their minds and your own is complete different. So what says to most good guys, is that you don't have time or space in your life for quality guy. Because he's not going want be an accessory in your life... but between work and kids you don't really need a man, or even want one until is convenient for you, and even then only up until its not convenient.
#3 i don't have anything to say your respones was to pointed for to get... I think my piont was itsca pointless thing to say. Its not going discourage anyone, and nobody going want jump into a long committed relationship straight away... so its just meaningless words.
Texting period can vary
You need to accept she has a life outside of you lmfao
It's still nice clarification
"1.) I perferr to take my time to really get to know someone before meeting."
This is a green flag to me, I'm looking fir a woman who thinks this way
"2.) Between my two wonderful children and my successful career, I stay very busy."
I don't want kids, so I greatly appreciate her being up front about having them, successful careers are always good though, and I too stay very busy.
"3.) Don't waste my or your time unless your seriously willing to put forth the effort to build a long term committed relationship."
Also a green flag, hookup culture is disgusting, nice to see some women want something serious and longterm
"Do women not realize saying these types of things will only ensure that the wrong types will even attempt to contact them?"
I don't agree, its good filtering.
How has what worked for me? Gonna need a bit more to go on to know what you are asking.
To my knowledge the topic was whether or not its good for women to be upfront about that stuff. Objectively speaking, it is always good to reveal anything that might be important or dealbreakers when looking for a relationship.
Those things do not make me hit skip (except the "being a mom" one).
What makes me hit skip is she drinks alcohol, or isn't a gamer, or isn't an artist, or she smokes or does weed, or has casual sex, or she wants kids, or she is allergic to cats, or scared of bugs, or isn't a science nerd and sci-fi/fantasy geek and anime fan and cosplayer.
It's very hard to find attractive, talented, geeky intellectual types. So my success is bad for that reason, but saying the stuff you posted about and more, only helps in narrowing that search.
Again I agree with you on the it helps with narrowing the search... but what is it they are really looking for? Because it can not be the typeof guy they claim they are looking for... because what type of guy is going to be willing to jump through all those hoops stretch out for weeks through text to get a first date? So they must be looking for a simple, right?
Its like saying you want a goat, but asking for things only a sheep would do, then get upset when you only attract wolves in sheep's clothing.
Back to narrowing the field thing... I totally agree that it helps me as a man to narrow the feild. Because for guys like me these women are literally saying they are too emotionally immature or damaged to actually be dateable, and I actually looking for long term committed relationships based upon trust.
"what type of guy is going to be willing to jump through all those hoops stretch out for weeks through text to get a first date?"
Me.
I'm old fashioned with dating, I think people should be friends, then best friends, then date, then sex, then marriage, over a 3 year span.
The idea of rushing it is terrifying to me tbh. Too easy to be conned, 3 years lets you spot the lies before deciding.
Unfortunately no, I get a lot of likes, several hundred per month, but its always from women I don't want, and trying to search myself tends to result in no "inside the US" matches..
Apparantly drinking alcohol and wanting to have kids are both super popular with women... Meanwhile anything I'm actually looking for is super rare.
I can't say about #3 since I have never said or had any reason to say that and so I don't relate to it. However, #1 is a way to let you down easy rather than telling you we are not interested. Of course #2 is not applicable to me so I can't be certain why a lady would say that, but I suspect it may be like #1 or else, I assume she is a single mother and a single mother with two children may be very busy.
Regardless, since they don't apply to me, I believe older ladies that may be looking for long-term relationship (I'm not) and/or single mothers could provide you with more definite answers for #2 and #3.
Yeah, these are things put directly in their profile or summary... but yes once connect with them and been chatting I would completely agree with you. They are not interested.
My piont being that if you put these type of thing directly in profile summary then most good and descent men will avoid you, which means only other half will even try.
When I answered the question, I was thinking about dating, not only dating and, not until after I answered did I realize you were asking about online dating. Because, teenage boys give me all the attention I want (in fact, more than I want), I have never tried online dating, I have no interest in online dating, and I doubt that I ever will. Therefore, perhaps you should disregard my answer.
Only your like 13 missed that... yup I agree with you. I never would consider online either until I over 40. When young your surrounded by nothing but available young and healthy people out and about. But if ever become a single mother or someone in there 40s not married... you might find yourself reconsidering on-line dating... but I advise you don't do it.
There are two types of women who you'll meet online. The type to say this are usually the type that intend on doing background research into you. They're pragmatic women. They want to know your social media to understand your social status, learn how you interact with your friends and strangers. These women can be deeply committed to you and they tend to bond for life with the right partner, although their initial checks may come across as shallow.
The other type of woman has a personality similar to your own. Where meeting face to face is what's needed to get a felt sense of a persons character in order to decide whether to move forward into a relationship with that person.
Kind regards,
DoctorSex
Reading other comments somebody said he thinks they are good filtering, you said "but when you read them, do you just skip over them?" I think that is what filtering means? She would want, for example somebody who does not want kids to skip over her and not waste time. In general I think women who say stuff like you quoted do not want many guys to contact them they want the right guys to contact them. Just my opinion!
I think your right, I really do. I think its like I said to someone else... they say they want, honest, geniue, sincere, stable, confident, secure and kind men. Then go on to say the things I listed previously.
So its lik3 saying you want a sheep, but then laying out criteria that only goat would do... but you don't want a goat, so all your really going to attract are wolves in sheeps clothing.
Be a real and true sheep would never do what are saying you would expect them to do... a goat would fail do or say the right things, but the wolf, the wolf put the sheeps clothing and act the part.
I don't understand. What would be those "wrong types"? Surely it gets rid of anyone who's just looking for a night of sex.
I don't think so... I think it attracts the types of guys who's willing to play games to achieve what they want despite the time and effort required. It's pretty easy to have relationship in text a lone, while your out messing around with other women until you make pay off eventually and move on.
I am just saying do you think you can truly learn to know someone in text?
I don't think you every know or find anything out about someone in text that they don't want to share... and there's no eye contact, body language, stammering over thier words nothing... There's no real eb and flow to text conversations, they can take all the time they want to come back with he most perfectly calculated response. It all amounts to taking them literally at their word, but the whole piont of the excerise is too gain trust, so it counter productive don't you think?
By the time you actually meet your weeks if not a month or more spent with invested time and effort, for a dinner? Cup of coffee? Only find out their 12 times more elegant in text than in person. Where as a week in you could had a 20 to 30 minute cup of coffee and learned everything you need to know.
How much do have to trust someone to share a cup of coffee with someone when come in separate cars, to public place... nah its not about gaining trust through text... not in the least.
Texting is one gamble if you're dating online. Online dates aren't very reliable, and there's always the lack of intimacy and increased risks that one needs to keep in mind, if one chooses online dating.
@anon1903 Agreed that's why its best to meet within the first week or two at most... so you can make a true evaluation in person face to face, like you said online dating has its own risks assigned to it... physically, emotionally and mentally it can be taxing.
Let's be honest its a lot easier to reject or be rejected in text, then it is to meet someone in person and not hear from them again.
I found in person dating a lot more safer than online. You dont know who is behind that keyboard or cell phone. I've had my fair share of the dangers of online dating and will never trust any online formate of dating again after what it has put me through.
1.) I prefer to take my time to really get to know someone before meeting.
My take - For us, emotions come before sex. So, if you are inclined and like her, give her time and talk.
2.) Between my two wonderful children and my successful career, I stay very busy.
My take - Its a way to keep the door open incase things go south and she wants to avoid you.
3.) Don't waste my or your time unless your seriously willing to put forth the effort to build a long term committed relationship.
My take - We know this won't make a difference to the ones who want to play... they'll still play. However, we try... its an inbuilt conversation starter ! :p
So response to #1 I again stress that meeting for first over cup or meal does not equate to having sex, its no where near that... it helps build emotional bond interacting with some face to face instead of weeks chatting.
I totally agree with on #2, thid why I tru yo avoid single mothers, but its seriously impossible to avoid them. Was dating a single mom 15 and 17. Any yeah, everything started strong was going strong, then yeah... she starts having all this guilt about the time she spends with me and how it takes away from her kids. It went from every weekender we together (1-4 months), every other weekend (4-6 months) to at least one maybe two weekends a month (6 to 9) to like its not worth. y time anymore... I was never trying to compete with your kids.
I use the 666 rule.
No more than 6 guys fucking me at once, they must have at least 6 dollars, and they have to accept that I have 6 kids.
You are putting more time into thinking about it then they did in writing it.
Just because most of them suck, doesn't mean you can't take a chance. I have really bad social anxiety issues, and I only feel comfortable first speaking on the internet. It doesn't help that every time I try to talk to someone outside of the internet, they treat me like absolute shit. I'd rather take my chances with the sea of creeps, at least I know they don't mind talking to me. If you've got a problem with that, you're a closed minded asshole who's never been in my situation and should shut the fuck up. But, it probably doesn't matter to you that this wasn't actually my choice and is extremely difficult, since you people are so unbelievably shallow and ignorant. I wish you could be forced into this situation like I was, even for just one day.
Awe I was totally getting down with your response and appreciating the honesty and insight... then you pull the your a fucking asshole shit. Like out of no where for no reason.
And then close it out with toxic BS... you do realize it's not me in the least... thats your own insecurities about men in general coming out and another prime example of why I am making the piont I am making.
Toxic women and signs to look for... only the creeps that seriously only are looking to manipulate you will even try to connect with you... just to play tge game.
I didn't assume it was you specifically, but people constantly put me down for being different than them. It was aimed at those people. Of course I'm gonna get a bit defensive, and of course I'm gonna get mad. So many people think I'm just stupid garbage for something that they can't even understand, that's extremely upsetting. Why should I be nice to people who treat me like I'm not even human?
I think it's normal. But that doesn't mean that we keep it online for a while. No, we click? Okay we meet up asap and see from there. What we mean is taking our time in getting into a relationship. The online dating is mainly just a way for that first hi and planning a date.
O 😂 you mentioned before meeting well nevermind me
I'm thinking they're probably not big on introspection when they post shit like that
That's how I take it, basically saying she wants to complete set the pace and maintain control over process until its convenient or desirable for her to decide to act and then only on her terms. While whole time she's looking for any excuse to find something or anything wrong with you.
So basically saying she's undateable.
Pretty much.
Let's take a look at men's dating profiles, shall we?
Lot's of fish murder in those
From my experience with women, it's most of them don't realize what they're saying until it's too late. She meant to say something else but said it in a different way. No offense, but most women I've known can have terrible communication skills. I already see women on here translating what they really mean from the things you quoted lol.
Women don’t know what they want and I don’t have time or patience to deal with the 1,000,000,000 emotions that plague their minds.
Lol... sound terrible but yeah... it seems to boil down to exactly that.
I always like it when they say "don't just message "hi" to me". Because then that's precisely what I message them. 🤣🤣🤣
I know right, it really doesn't matter what message them, they just going look at your profile and decide anyway.
If it comes down to you saying hi, as the kicker... then fuck'em they aren't seriously worth the effort.
Yup.
Most women on dating apps get a kick out of just seeing what hoops they can make guys jump through. I do fee l bad for the women on there that are really putting in effort. Because they are seriously outnumbered. And it gives them a bad name.
I make it simple I won't initiate with women online. I figure if she's going to take the time and put forth the effort then she most likely not playing around.
That is their clue to stay away from them
That means their a mess
It also means that they want to fuck around and they are into mind games
If you don’t know how am I supposed to know
You are supposed to be my sensei 🤺
Because they want men who will love them. Not fuckboys
Okay, so do you think that you would fall in love with a women that makes mem jump through hoops on text for weeks, if not more, just to get a first date?
The fact that they refuse to meet you right away, has nothing to do with whether your a fuck boy or not... but has everything to do with their own insecurities, emotional immaturity or damage and need to excert control over the process inorder to create a sense of false security.
So do you see yourself ever wanting to fall in love with or want to be in a serious relationship with someone like that?
It depends on how long the texting period continues. Like, you can't expect a woman you've been texting for two days to have a meet up. It's dangerous, woman's safety is a serious issue. So much so, if she brings a friend on the first date, that's okay. You don't need to pay for the friend, but safety is very, very important.
@anon1903 you’re correct. As long as she’s putting effort in and showing interest.
I’m the exact same way. I’m sorry. But I don’t like randomly meeting up with someone either. I also wouldn’t let them jnmy house or car or be in their house or car.
I mostly shy away from online dating.
Far as paying goes. I don’t like a woman whose entitled. I like a woman who appreciates it because I’m doing it because I WANT to. Not because I have to.
The same as I appreciate anything nice a woman does for me. If her and her friend are cool people. As long as I had the money. I would be happy to pay for them both. Unless I didn’t like her and she seemed entitled. I probably wouldn’t
Agreed
You think texting a women for over a week is the asking her out is quick? They say that after 3 day if women is not sure or uncertain about meeting to move on. These are dating. experts.
Agreeing to meet within first few days well thats fast, but have met plenty of women who set dates up with first few day for following week.
One to Two weeks is optimum time
www.cosmopolitan.com/.../
A few days is quick and it’s normal for both people to see if they really want to go out or not as well.
I’m fine with talking for a while. But again I don’t use online dating.
Honestly. I find that very reasonable. I’m not ready to meet a stranger within a day or a few hours.
I certainly wouldn’t want them in my car or to be in their car. Or in my home or their home. Gosh it makes zero sense.
@anon1903 now I think most women after the second to third day that they know if they'd be willing to meet a guy or not. But after 2 weeks if hey can't commit to a date then I am over it.
Seriously separate vehicles to public place in a controlled environment... if thst scares the shit out of don't do online dating. I the guys an axe murder it really won't matter he'll wait two days or two months.. and say or play the part better than any regular guy would.
At 20 years old I never would gone online... you see you're barely started on your adult life. Your young and your out there, not set in your life or career yet and all the women your age aren't damaged yet... thats why most people get married younger. But at my age all the singles have serious history, emotional baggage and issues... well all the ones on line any way. But at my age we just aren't out there as much as a 20 year old... and population of available ladies is much smaller.
I don't see any issue with #3.
(I don't really see any issue with #1, either.)
Sorry Jaime #1 is like the biggest Red Flag to me, which I have addressed in depth throughout this post.
Okay #3 on surface isn't so bad, by itself but it usually comes in conjunction with #1 or #2.
The issue is that nobody ever going to really jump into a committed rationship right away with anyone they meet. It just happens organically. Every relationship starts casually over cup of coffee, wal in the park... text then phone calls. You build up to commitment... by itself its not so bad as a stand alone statement. But when used in conjuction with #1 or #2, its a red flag. Like you need to prove to her you are what say you are, because she's not wasting her time. It speaks to state of mind, and potentially predisposed personality traits.
If expectation is that you will only go out and date me as long as I want long term commitment... well hell I just meet you online, let's meet and go out few times before you start pressing commitment on me. But she's already pressing commitment on you from the start and haven't even met her yet.
Sure I want commitment, not sure I want it with you yet? Let's get a cup of coffee together and see how it goes? They might think that's a waste of their time because your not serious.
Just say no hook ups or one night stands. You want meet and date someone inorder to really get to know them first. Through course of that process you will learn and tell all that needs to be known.
@DaveJord I partially agree with you and I partially don't.
Yes, some women who say that could be lying and using it as an excuse. But in other cases, it's actually a valid excuse. Because women have to look out for their own personal safety. And you might be the safest, most gentle guy on the planet, but that doesn't mean anything to her in the very beginning; because if she doesn't know you, she doesn't know you.
Then again, I do fully agree with what you're saying about getting to know someone in person. That most definitely is the best way to find out whether you and someone else would be good for each other.
As far as commitment goes... no; that's not what that means. She means she wants someone who is looking for long-term commitment IN GENERAL; not necessarily her. But I don't blame you AT ALL for making that mistake, because a lot of women do the EXACT SAME THING! If we say we're looking for something serious, she runs away because she thinks we're talking about HER. lol. (No, not really. "You have a CHANCE. You are a CANDIDATE. But I haven't decided that you are the ONE yet!")
"Sure I want commitment, not sure I want it with you yet? Let's get a cup of coffee together and see how it goes? They might think that's a waste of their time because your not serious."
On this point I completely agree with you. 👍
Yeah, I mean once a women decides to go on line... I am not giving her the the safety excuse. The vast majority of men on line aren't rapists or murders and if you scared or concerned to meet a man for a cup of coffee in an safe and controlled environment? DON'T go online stay away.
As far as #3. Goes yeah I mean it really depends on the context its used with rest of the write. As stand along statement its not so bad.
See this becsuse your predisposed to believe what you believe... you see men as the primary antagonist... but there are just as many toxic and terrible women on line as men. So the risks are just as real for men as the women.. so for you if you were a women I'd say DO NOT go online it will not work for you.
Saying any of things I list out here have nothing to do with personal safety. Actually they counter productive to personal safety.
For example a good self respecting guy will not play games for weeks in text just to meet you. Only desperate or needy men will.
Mom of 2 kids... well as good descent guy will never want get into a situation that involves the possibility of hurting kids. Or dating a women in which children could get hurt. I mean kids can get attached to people so easily... especially to they type of guy looking to take advantage of mom, buy using her kids.
I for one never get involved with women with kids, unless I know 100% my heart in the right place. But how you supposed to know that with a women you just met on line? So best not say that only going attract the wrong types of men.
@DaveJord You go out on a date with a woman and she tries to rape you... What do you do? Simple: You slap her hand and you pull your zipper back up.
You go out on a date with a woman and she tries to murder you... What do you do? Lift her up, drape her over your shoulders, carry her to the police station, and drop her off at the front desk.
Easy peasy.
It's not quite the same the other way around.
"For example a good self respecting guy will not play games for weeks in text just to meet you. Only desperate or needy men will."
He's not playing the games willingly; he's playing the games begrudgingly. Men still hate games, period.
I do agree with your point regarding the kids, though.
Jamie your missing the piont. I talking about a cup of coffee. I meeting them there, superstructure vehicles in public place safe and controlled environment. Seriously if a women is willing to do that with someone after week or so of texting then its completely BS, she's interested or she absolutely should not be online dating... because that's what it is man. She's either playing games, or pissing off a lot guys... and then justifying doing it by playing victim card... and your the type of guy that enables it.
How women get beat over head and drag from a coffee shop and raped? Or a restaurant? With 10s of bystanders, customers and employees all with cell phones armed and ready? Very, very, very few, if any. So the I am scared thing is bull shit, brother. Do buy into that.
Text on lines for weeks or months doesn't change a fucking thing as far as what your saying about being scared. The potential no matter how small of something like that happen is unaffected by the fact if you meet then in week 2 or 12. Actually I will say the longer you wait more likely you got the wrong guy... because good descent self respecting guy would have given up after week 2.
Like you said only begrudgingly guy stays it through, but all good one you refuse to become begrudging or deal with anexity if thing are gone. But ones that leave are probably the best ones you never gave the opportunity to as women.
That's my point... nothing to do with fear and everything to do with their own insecurities.
And piont mother with kids, and guy thst will hang around chatting for weeks is literally the same piont. They are same types that will put all the time and effort into saying all the right things just to the opportunity no matter how long it takes.
Good self respecting me will not. They will move on after a week or two. And women would fooled herself into believing she did right thing because she filtered out the bad ones... but not really she's fooling herself. She did exactly the wrong things to only ensure she get no man at all or if dies mostly the exact type she thinks she's avoiding.
Good self respecting me do not go after or even try to get with these types... because we totally respect what they are saying and want nothing to do with the situation.
If she's good women, that thinks your a good guy she'll meet ou for cup of coffee after a week or so of texting. If won't doesn't really matter why don't waste your time. Believe it or not. But remember said it, if you ever find your self in position of wasting weeks of effort and made no progress or just fractional progress. Trust she's not worth it... everything else is conjecture and bull shit.
Is not about your level of respect for her, whstd her level of respect for you? Here you a great and go guy, doing what believe to be the right things... but she's not willing to meet. No respect in that, remembering its earned not given, she's got to earn it not demand it or expect it with giving it.
If she's that insecure about process... well its all about her then, and your feeding into it.
"Is not about your level of respect for her, what's her level of respect for you?"
That's the other thing. Women deserve respect from the very beginning. A man has to EARN respect. That's just how life works.
Also, aren't all women insecure?
That's the fucking piont Jaime about #1, and the whole debate here. She is not meeting you or finding out You're a great guy and why you should avoided the whole situational as a man because its bullshit. She's texting youto death and stringing you along and not progressing the relationship or conversation.
You've thrown up every excuse to defend the women's position here, and now come all around to the fucking piont I have been making. Sit feel like I texting a women right fucking now. See if you and I would of met for cup of coffee or made phone call we would if got to this conclusion two days ago and 20 texts sooner. Fuck man are getting it now or are you just fucking with me... fuck man.
Everyone is insecure about something... just matter if you let it rule you or not.
.
"Shit feel like I'm texting a woman right fucking now."
Lololol. Sorry, man.
Sometimes we want relationships and sometimes we just want sex.
because we are scared of meeting a fucking psycho and getting murdered lol like... really. and sometimes online is the only option.
Why is the first one bad? I don't understand.
Well for me the best way to get to know someone is to meet them, have that face to face interaction, in safe and controlled environment.
So saying you really want to take your time before meeting, kind of wreaks of insecurities to me and suggests they aren't really ready for dating or specifically online dating. I just don't believe you can really get to know someone through texts. You only learn the things they want you to learn. There's no real ebb and flow to text conversations... you just get well thought out calculated answers. And of course they can leave you sitting on read for hours while they think on the best answer. So takes days to achieve what could of been achieved with a 20 minute conversation face to face and learned 4 times as much in less than triple the amount of time.
If want wait weeks to get know some through text then honestly, your really just trusting they are who they say they are... so why would be willing trust someone you have never met in person?
Most guys wouldn't, and those that do or play along probably aren't the best types of guys.
Lol that's so true. Ok I get it now. I always thought to take your time because for the girl she's at risk of being physically harmed if she jumps to meet with the guy. Though, he can still harm her even if they talked for a week. But at the same time she can just meet him in a public place and if she's in danger she can ask for help or call for it depending on the situation. Also it's always good to have weapons on you. Wow I've never thought this before. That's very astute of you.
Thanks, totally true... if the guys a rapist axe murder or crazy... 1 week or 8 weeks in he'll still be the same person. Lots of safe places and controlled environments to meet a guy,, thats why cup of coffee date is so popular. Its quick, easy and pretty safe for almost anyone.
But the totally normal well intentioned guy, well he'll lose interest after about a week or two. He'll either get super aggravated or just bored of you. And she may think good ridden to him, all he wanted was sex. The answer really is that he wanted a real relationship and you weren't offering that. And he's not so desperate to hang around or feel like a heel for her.
But the ones that just want to have sex, well they will hang around and play the game, becsuse they probably doing same thing with 4 other women.
We don't want to be murdered if we say no to sex on the first date.
Yeah it’s messed up when they write those things because I wonder why they are even trying to date at all if they are so busy
Its where you find crazy damaged goods women. They can't date in person so this is what they have.
They dont really wanna date there. They just want attention and validations from simps.
I've been given job interviews before.
What is wrong with the first one?
Because it's true?
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