Why do People get so upset about rejection? Is it REALLY your loss or theirs?(way I see it, their loss not mine)?

Question

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

It depends on one's confidence level. Those who are not confident/insecure (as I can be) take it as a personal blow to their character, and take rejection as being told they're worthless, valueless, and human trash. While those with confidence see themselves as an opportunity for others to experience something great and can easily dismiss the rejecting party as "missing out" or "their loss."

Confidence has almost EVERYTHING to do with how people take rejections. I say "almost everything" because although I still hate being rejected and it still feels bad (you never fully get used to it), I'm also know it's pretty much a guarantee with me, regarding my height and looks. I'm not always rejected, but I am 95-98% of the time, so it's to be expected with me.

It just depends on whether my mood that day can take the blow. It's like a 50-60% blow to whatever your mood is. If it's high, like 80-90%, you can take being rejected easily. But if you're already feeling sad or down that day, it's not even worth talking to a girl to get rejected; which is why I don't talk to women if I'm not already in a decent enough mood... Which is rare, as it is. Confident people tend to be happy more often, so a rejection won't ruin their day like it will with insecure/unhappy people.

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

How can rejection be a loss... when you had nothing to start with? If you apply for a loan at the bank, and you're rejected, does that take away from the financial worth you still have? Of course not. If someone chooses to pass on an opportunity, I'm happy to move on. At least I know I won't be wasting time with that person. I have no desire to be with someone who doesn't see value in being with me, no matter how many attractive features they may possess. I see their rejection as more respectful than if they didn't reject me and hid their disinterest. The last thing I want is to be used for someone else's selfish purposes and then dumped when a better offer appears to them.

As far as it being the other person's loss, I don't see that, either, as they don't see in me what they are seeking. Everyone has preferences, and no one will meet all other people's preferences. If we want others to respect our preferences, it's important to respect theirs (without taking it personally). Their preferences have nothing to do with us. If, on the other hand, I'm in a relationship with someone who chooses to have a secret affair, while still wanting to hold onto me, then I will see it as their loss, as I won't stick around.

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

Wow, this is a tough one, I don’t really see it as either. I don’t think I “lost” when someone doesn't like me, but definitely don’t believe that THEY lost out on something if I say no to their advances! I am blessed to get asked out/hit-on a lot, but I suppose most girls do on a college campus! But I'm always grateful, gracious and polite to any guy who does ask me out, whether I say yes or no. I know it took courage for him to ask me out, and i do admire courage, and I believe it is an honor and a compliment when a guy asks me out. But if I say no to him, I don’t believe that HE lost out, I mean maybe I did? He might not have been as good looking as I would prefer, but if he had ALL of the other qualities I desire in a future husband, that might have been the biggest mistake of my life? Besides, if I am polite and kind, maybe because I didn't burn that bridge, in the future he might ask me out again, when I’ve matured a little, or heck maybe I could ask him out?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I was seeing a guy who I really liked, but over time I realized he was playing me. He ended up rejecting me in the end. It hurt because I liked the person I thought he was. The rejection lowered my self-esteem.

Over time, after much reflection, I realized it was his loss. Not mine. He lost someone who genuinely cared about him and was there for him. I lost someone who played me, manipulated me and used me.

I read a quote the other day and it's so true."when you're a good person, you don't lose people, they lose you"

BlueScorpio · Answer

Cause it hurts and it's disappointing. It's like anything else, when applying for a job or school you really want to get but they reject your offer, it makes you feel a bit down. That's all. Everyone wants to be accepted to some degree.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

It depends who rejected me and whether they are easy to replace. It took one year for me to get over the first guy who rejected me after I turned 18 because he was the nicest person I ever met in my entire life and he made me happy in a way no one else ever had. If it was some random attractive and hard working guy, I would not care, since attractive and hard working guys are as common as potatoes.

Guy13 · Answer

Because we are human beings who do not like being controlled or under an other's rule. Rejection is living under the decision or rule of another. Upset like a little child is normal when rejected especially if immature.

JasonInTexas · Answer

I don’t know that there’s any “right or wrong” answer here. There’s context to everything, right? Take for instance this situation: a friend and I started going down the path of being more than friends over a period of months. We were testing the waters. Then out of nowhere *boom* she’s pregnant and I know it wasn’t mine because we hadn’t had sex. Come to find out, she was testing those waters with a lot of boats. I felt rejected and was pretty upset.

Another situation: had a date with a girl and it went “ok”. No real spark or connection. She messaged me before I could message her and said “this isn’t going to work”. I was totally cool with it.

Rejection can be a tricky thing, but as long as you are honest with yourself and honest with the other person, it helps limit the impact of the rejection.

JSmuve · Answer

I'm sure you already know the answer to this question. In any rejection, there's two frames you can interpret it within; either it's your loss or theirs. Whichever frame you adopt depends on how strong your self-esteem is. Lots of people, especially young people, have low self-esteem and depend on outside validation. If you get rejected, then there *has* to be something unattractive about you. Otherwise, why would you get rejected. It takes a certain sense of maturity, learned over time, to switch frames and develop an internalized sense of validation. And even then, it's not always an easy frame to keep a hold of.

Emiliamazing · Answer

Rejection can come in all parts of your life, and it's important to stay strong and move on. Retaining some self-confidence leads to a much better outlook on life, rather than dwelling upon what may or may not have happened.

sassy_receptor · Answer

men usually get upset about it because they feel entitled to women’s time, love, compassion, and bodies. when they get checked and put in their place, their egos get hurt and they get angry about it.

women usually get upset about rejection because they’re usually going out of their comfort zone to approach or put themselves as there as women usually expect the guy to come to them. when you go against that status quo and then feel rejected, it can be hurtful and make you feel foolish.

Multi_personality · Answer

Personally. I believe most people get upset because they grew up believing that they can get whatever they want. Mostly because their parents made up this idea of who they are. Once they are out and about society teaches them they aren't as cute or nice and get their feelings hurt. Most humans don't get taught how to handle rejection or loneliness.

Guccigabbana18 · Answer

It's usually more about their ego than a real sense of loss, when rejection makes them upset. Rejection is redirection towards something more suited to you.

rienna888 · Answer

It hurts because you build up this fake relationship with them in your head. And then you fall in love and one day they just reject you or ghost you :/. Usually they will try to like you but they can’t force it because you can’t force love. Then they just disappear or reject you.

ChiTown33 · Answer

I think if you ask a 100 people you're going to get roughly a 100 variations on the same story. I could tell you why I get upset about rejection. But why? It's not often, and it's valid when it happens. That's all I need to know. I don't need another person's opinion to understand what is obvious.

Jccowen77 · Answer

It's a shot at the ego, which is natural. I understand why people get upset. But anyone who's every been successful in life, whether with the opposite sex or in business or acting or writing or music or athletics knows rejection. But successful people just keep at it. They're persistent. They get up after being knocked down. They don't see it as the end of the world. Someone somewhere will say yes eventually if they can keep from giving up.

Nazgol · Answer

You're right, it is their loss but we often get so consumed in sadness & heartbreak that we tend to forget about all else , and all we want is them and to make it work. At least that's how it felt for me, I've been through this bad

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I see it as a loss for both of us, both romantically but especially in business.

If I start a relationship with someone it's because I think we have things that when combined will allow us both to grow.

connemara_crocodile · Answer

I would reject anyone who's willing to accept me... Something must be wrong with them then 😂

sheenagwapa · Answer

i don't get upset with rejection i get so upset when i'm beinh shit on

WhitneySnow · Answer

Being rejected makes you feel like you’re not good enough or pretty enough

Anonymous · Answer

Guys for the most part eventually get used to being rejected, which is what's driven a lot of weaker minded guys to claim mgtow or incel. Those of us who know our value will not carry a hatred of women just because they were being rejected, and those that take it to heart and get upset still have some growing up to do.

iceprincess8 · Answer

Rejection hurts when we place our value in being with that person

TheNameIsRob · Answer

I don’t know, but you’re right about it being nothing to get upset about. Like you ever get rejected lol

Why do People get so upset about rejection? Is it REALLY your loss or theirs?(way I see it, their loss not mine)?

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