Boyfriend blames me for spending all his money?

[Anonymous]

OK so my boyfriend he started off semi-poor he didn’t have any money he he was living off of his mom his mom would give him money and then his grandma died and he got inheritance

he was very happy he would spoil me he would buy me whatever I wanted never told me know were eating lobster so many things and he got me a BBL and he was right there with me.

I would always tell him to invest his money learn about investing he would always make excuses no matter how much money he had he couldn’t in invest he didn’t have enough he said He also made millions of excuses why he couldn’t get a job she would hang up on me when I will try to motivate him to get a job she would say I just didn’t get it because he hasn’t worked in 10 years. He just got paid from his mom

now his account really low and he’s blaming me saying it’s my fault because I wanted all this stuff and I knew that it was his grandparents money and how could I do that to someone.

I feel so bad. I don't know what to do.

Updates

1 y

I feel bad to see him have little money. But he just wants to play video games all day. I can’t force him.

[CaptainOverthink]

It sound to me according to what you've said that he has had a parasitic relationship with his family and has no real respect or understanding of how society works. Also hasn't had any need to develop the skill to do this because he's weak and simply has followed the 'path of least resistance' instead of facing the hard truth that life is hard work and we simply can't have stuff for nothing in return.

It seems like he's also the type that has been taken to the idea that women should be spoiled or they will leave, which in my opinion, is a narrow-minded over-simplification of what the material desires of women are (which is the want of competence in a man, which in turn results in resources but it's not the same as spoiling those resources).

Now, him going all overboard just spending it recklessly like that is mainly his own fault, he obviously does not have his mind in balance between past-, present-, future-thinking. Is he even self-aware?

Then him blaming that on you indicates that he's either totally oblivious to action and consequences or he has massive denial-issues. This guy is a massive walking red flag.

As for the question if you share any blame?
I'd say you don't share blame for letting it go on and not seeing the inevitable. It's a bit of a greyzone of naive behavior on your part (assuming you saw it coming) and there are some minor responsibility to claim there if you want to avoid this happening again.
You warned him, but at some point you should have stopped accepting it. It would be one thing if he'd said "Look, lets take this money and live like king and Queen for a while." Then he'd be aware and you'd know it.

And while you can 'choose' to claim no blame here, it all comes down to how you want to be percieved and if you can see it as a teaching moment. I am saying accepting blame is not the worst thing if you use the lesson right. So next time, either you'll recognice the red flag beforehand and turn away or if you realize later that this is what it is then you'll not let yourself be put under his thumb like this.

As for the bigger picture..
I get women generally might have a much easier time accepting gifts as it's an old normalized way for men to materialize affection even though it would be better if we just got better at expressing ourselves. But maybe especially today we should start thinking about how some norms don't really belong. Especially as women make their own resources, men should not act like they're a bird from national geographic gathering shiny things to impress. With dual breadwinners, it should at least go both ways. It's nature, I get it, but we're still able to be aware for the most part, if we're selfconcious.
As a man I've recognized many times when I've been generous to other male friends and vice versa, that if I give them a gift then they would mostly pay back anyway, just as I would to them even if neither of us cared about giving our surplus. Because we still felt like we owed someone something, which always was a bit uncomfortable as it would affect our behabvior and position towards that other person. It could potentially put the relationship into question.

[Summeroflove]

As long as you were not entitled to him getting you stuff and honestly tried to help the man and you wouldn’t take his advice. He has the problem. Not you.


If you demanded money from him and felt entitled to gifts and stuff. Yeah that’s a problem

[Screenwriter]

Your boyfriend was irresponsible with his money which you, repeatedly, encouraged him to invest. He never bothered to get a job, pretending that whatever money he had would last forever. You didn't HELP him by refusing his extravagant gifts, however, you didn't CAUSE him to spend all his money, either.

You could sell the gifts, if they're salable, and give him what money you make from their sale and give it back to him.

I'd call it a day with this guy. His playing the blame game with you when you clearly DID NOT spend his cash, HE DID, his not getting a job, even though he's nearly broke AGAIN, and his lack of foresight are giant red flags.

I don't have much hope for this guy. And you shouldn't either. Move on, give him his gifts back and find someone with a head on his shoulders and common sense. He sounds like a spoiled little boy.

[Screenwriter]

And I repeat, after your update, "he wants to play videos all day," sounds like a lack of maturity and ambition. You should hit the road and leave this dude behind. Sounds like he's lacking brain cells. Good luck.

[BlackBeauty90]

Okay so let's summarize

1) He's a mama's boy who isn't in touch with reality & had no real money of his own. Whatever money he has he got from his mother or grandparents.

2) You knew this and yet instead of supporting him or curbing his behavior you allowed or even encouraged him to spend what meager money he had on "spoiling" you.

Both of you sound like leeches. He off his relatives, you off of him. Get married but kindly stay off of welfare okay. Us tax payers get tired of supporting you leeches.

[Asker]

You’re absolutely right

[Guy13]

Sounds like you should have said no and refused those items. I could see this coming a mile away.

[Anonymous]

If you are dating an adult, their personal bank account, whether inherited or borrowed or not, is their responsibility. He could have easily said no to you at any point or taken your advice but HE chose not to. So why is he blaming you now....because he's trying to get out of taking responsibility for his own actions. I mean considering his mom is essentially giving him an allowance, it's pretty clear he's not good at taking care of himself or adulting in anyway where he has to manage on his own. I had a friend in a similar situation and unfortunately for her, her boyfriend ended up gambling their life savings and the kids college funds away to try and make money rather than work. You need to be very careful in this relationship in terms of you vs. his finances. Don't feel bad, but know that it's not likely to improve on his end.

[JustinTheGreat]

dudes in the replies trying to say you should of said no. Regardless if you accepted the gifts or not, it was HIS choice to spend that money on you. It’s not fair to throw that in your face after he made the choice to spoil you. It’s his own fault that he wasn’t more responsible

[Danny_dan92]

For all those things he bought for you.




Did you ever stop him and say no? Cause if not you’re just as guilty as he is. Cause you should be considerate and understand that him blowing all his money on you isn’t responsible.




But no, it seems like you gladly took all those gestures and income but only have a problem now cause he’s blaming you.

[Asker]

No I didn’t say no or refuse it was a happy time. He spent a lot on himself. Tons and I couldn’t tell him no.

[Danny_dan92]

Lol ok

[Anonymous]

I’m confused.. he is shifting his failure at you
It doesn’t matter if you did a BBL it breast lift or cheek fillers.. he asked you to do it and you did it. I mean he offered everything to you and you accepted it.. That’s his fault.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

It's your boyfriend's money and his bank account.

He 100% alone decides what goes in it and what goes out of it.

Him blaming you is way for him to protect his ego and his stupidity of being irresponsible.

[roy_ricky09]

how should we believe that he said that... it could just be an excuse by you to leave him.

of maybe if he actually said it, then you should move on.

[Asker]

LOL no he really did. He spent double on himself on stuff he wanted but he doesn’t wanna talk about that. But yes he did say that to me. Everything.

[roy_ricky09]

There's no way to prove it, is there? Ball is in your court, do what you want

[Billlewis]

I don't think you should feel guilty at all. It's probably exactly what he wanted anyway.

[dowser19]

You must be cute. I'm just saying... As a guy... that just doesn't happen unless you are.😗

[dustybiker]

You are both wrong. Live and learn moment.

[Asker]

Exactly!! I’m just trying the learn.

[Twalli]

If you did want the stuff and you never told him to stop spoiling you and invest it, it's kind of your fault.

[Asker]

I damn near begging him to invest

[Twalli]

Did you ever ask or tell him to stop spoiling you and buying you gifts?

[cloud9vortex1234]

Did he have any way of earning a living, or did he just get paid by his mom?

[Asker]

No just his mum

[msc545]

You should not have gone along with his spending spree and accepted all that stuff.

[Pink2000]

His own fault for being a trick..

[Anonymous]

So get a job and pay him back. Problem solved.

[Asker]

Pay him back? It’s gifts not a loan or borrowed from him.

[Opinion Owner]

Obviously you don't feel bad then. Basically you're just saying that. 😆😆😆

[Opinion Owner]

BUSTED!

[Iron_Man]

Well, why don’t you treat him out

[Anonymous]

Was it forced in some way? I bet he’s just weak.