If someone has never been in a serious relationship ever in their lives at age 30+ do you assume something is wrong with them?

[Still-alive]

Inspired by this question but with a slight difference So, is me being single for my whole life a red flag? So, what's the draw back of being single for as long as I have?

There are people around my age who have never been in serious relationships in their lives. do you automatically assume something must be wrong with them?

Yes i assume something is wrong with them which is why they have never been in a serious relationship in their lives at that age

No i don't assume something must be wrong with them

[Aerissa_Jade]

Yes and no, it might simply be they are too shy to ask someone out.

One of the women supervisors in another department at my work, said she planned on getting married, having a half dozen kids and all that. Instead she started working and never got out to meet anyone. She likes to talk to me about a lot of this stuff for some reason, telling me not to make the same mistakes she did.

She jokes that for her to date, someone would of had to break into her place and ask her out... because she was raised to not ask men out.

She is around 50 years old now and gave up on ever having a serious relationship a long time ago.

When I say wrong, that isn't a bad thing, it just means they may have been too shy to take chances, social anxiety or dealing with other issues that prevented it.

As they are not actually wrong per say as a person, but wrong due to the situations that has come across their lives.

I also know a guy who was very shy (like I am in person) and he never had the guts to ask anyone out in school or college, he has gone on maybe 3 dates in his entire life and those were blind dates.

I went on one date with him and he is creepy, because a little bit of attention and he thinks were meant for each other forever.

Definitely something wrong with him, but nothing that dating a lot wouldn't fix... if he can get past that part of thinking anyone he dates is meant to be with him forever.

[RandomGuy1030]

That's interesting I've run into girls like that. Like they'll say something about being together and having kids. What was that guy saying

[Aerissa_Jade]

@RandomGuy1030 He started talking about marriage, buying a house together and other stuff way ahead of anything right at the beginning. Like going on a date means we'll be together forever.

[RandomGuy1030]

You know what it's sad bad human life itself isn't valued enough for anyone to care to help that guy. Hopefully he finds some therapy

[CoolCatMar1]

Why should i? Maybe that person just likes to be single, maybe didn't find someone he likes that much... various reasons

[Still-alive]

Would you date that person if you were single? or is it a red flag?

[CoolCatMar1]

I would, if he was a good person

[CoolCatMar1]

This new liking system isn't nice though... I preferred the emojis lol

[GoodManDave]

I don't know if I would count my relationships as "serious." We never went on vacations together. I met some family, but it wasn't in a "serious" context. No game nights or anything. With some girls I barely saw them more than once a week sometimes, and we'd maybe talk once a week on the phone.

If they've never been kissed, never asked anyone out, never really dated consistently... that's a bit more unusual, though it's not an automatic deal breaker for me.

[Drumlin2001]

I didn't have a relationship till 35. The person I ended up with I had j own previously but found it difficult to open up to. Due to lack of communication she walked away. We reconnected after I had entered therapy, I was able to open up to her and explain my story (I had mental block on physical intimacy that had plagued me since teenage years).
I was fortunate this woman was really good with me. Not sure others would have been.

[DizzyDesii]

Its not so much of never being in a serious relationship, but like if they’ve never had at least a kiss or one fling or girlfriend by the time they’ve turned 30, then I start to wonder whats up. If they just simply have standards that no one met then okay. But if they have no standards and just can’t pull anyone, ehh... I don’t mind being someones “first” but after a certain age, i dont exactly want to be his first everything because then I’ll feel like I’m just gonna be an experiment to him

[TT1227]

I wouldn’t assume something was wrong with them, no. Maybe they weren’t ever in a serious relationship but they could have really liked someone and they screwed them over before a relationship ever started. So now they have a negative view on relationships and just never pursued one. There is a lot of reasons someone may have never been in a relationship. Id give them a chance but if I saw any really serious red flags I would end it. But cut them a little slack at first. They probably don’t know how to be in a relationship honestly.

[petitedollbabee]

I consider a serious relationship to be 6 months+. If they’ve never had a relationship that lasted at least 6 months then yes I would assume that something is wrong with them and they’re the reason that the relationships fail, or I would assume that they have very bad taste in boyfriends or girlfriends.

[Still-alive]

why assume that?

[petitedollbabee]

A history of no serious relationships is a red flag in my eyes, but that’s only if they’ve had relationships in the first place. If they’ve had no relationships then I wouldn’t think it’s a red flag, I would wonder why though.

[Still-alive]

why is it a red flag though?

[petitedollbabee]

Because in my experience, the people who don’t have relationships that last 6 months or longer, are almost always abusive or manipulative or generally shitty people, and people won’t stay in a relationship with them for long because they get sick of the behaviour. Either that, or the people are really bad at picking partners and end up getting cheated on or abused or used, and no one wants to be in a relationship with someone who’s had many failed relationships and carry on the trauma from those relationships onto their next partner.

Not everyone with failed relationships is like this, but a vast majority of them are. There’s always a few people who just haven’t had good luck in the relationship department for no serious reason like abuse.

But again, this is from my own experience, I’ve given people a chance who’ve had no serious relationships and I’ve always found out why.

[Still-alive]

hmmm i think you're a bit biased but to each their own

[petitedollbabee]

How so? I’d like to hear your point of view on it, since I can only base my opinion off of my own experiences.

[Still-alive]

Well i just think you had bad luck with those few people you dated and had no relationships. I've known plenty of people not in relationships and they are very good decent people. I would think its more a red flag if they've been on many dates or been in many relationships and they've all failed. cause it says they really can't stay in one for long before either they or the other person calls it quits.

[petitedollbabee]

Sorry i clearly didn’t word my opinions correctly, I was meaning people who’ve been in many relationships and none of the relationships have lasted 6 months. I wasn’t meaning people who’ve only been in one or two relationships or people who’ve never had relationships.

[menina]

I will probably be that person, since I'm already 30 years old and I've never been in a relationship.

I don't assume that there must be something wrong with them. Everybody has their reasons to be single, so I feel that I shouldn't judge them. Plus, there are people who suck and they're not single. So that doesn't mean anything to me.

[FreyaRed]

No. We aren't living in villages with 10 acres of land or cities with trade businesses which developed over decades, where we were practically cemented to one place from cradle to grave. For education or success in job people have to move around and this is very counterproductive for a long term relationship. Unless on of partners decided to be the follower and not everyone is willing to do that.

[melanieeeB]

In a serious relationship? No not really
In no relationship-ish at all? Yeah, kinda
No experience at all, no kissing, no sex, no dates? Yeah I do, I wouldn't sign up for that

[Still-alive]

why on the last two?

[melanieeeB]

Cause I don't wanna be someone's first and I don't wanna have to explain to someone how a relationship works, cause someone never having any type of relationship will probably be, I assume, more insecure about things cause it's new or like not communicate well and I don't wanna be the person with whom they figure out how to roll things.
I ain't holding someones hand and showing them how things work. I'm too old for that and I like me a man with history, who can sit there and already learned things and we just move on together

[Chad345]

I don't even know what "wrong" means here? What does "wrong" mean in this context?

[Still-alive]

as in they should probably be avoided for dating. a red flag.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I won't be able to date until 25+ years. old so I can't really judge anyone older than me. But I don't think anything is wrong with them.

[whirled_up_girl]

No I don’t, everyone has their reasons for why or why not they’ve experienced something, even when it comes to serious relationships.

[xHoneyxBeex]

No, people may choose not to date for a variety of reasons. I try not to make assumptions.

[LovingJo]

Not necessarily something "wrong" with them, but it would definitely make me question WHY?

[computer_nerd]

i'm 28 i never been in a serious relationship before.

i never spent time looking for one as i was happy by myself plus i have not met the right woman yet.

[Heterosketero]

What if a person was in a coma from 14 to 30?

[john8907]

i'm almost 30 and never had a date or relationship. To think that seems kinda rude

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

No, I don't assume something must be wrong with them

[Jltakk]

As someone in that situation, I used to ask myself that question. I just assume its just me. I know my own flaws and do not see myself as relationship material.

[loveslongnails]

Perhaps something's very RIGHT with them! LOL

[msc545]

I assume you are sane and practice good self-care.

[DevinAM]

I assume that like myself you lack social skills, or that you chose not to be in a relationship.

[Gibbons44]

Probably were wise enough not to go stupid