Guy didn't wash out the container before returning it. Should I find a new love interest?

[DermalPunch]

I think it shows a lack of manners. Am I making a big deal over nothing or is he probably a selfish pig?

He should have washed it. Stop liking him NOW because he doesn't like you.

He returned it at least. Relax

Other -- please share an opinion

Updates

1 y

I was right to make a BIG DEAL about this. He was a total nutjob!

[dynamicyandere]

I’d personally wash a container before handing it back to someone.


Otherwise, I’d be making them wash more dishes, right?


I wouldn’t want to do that.



But, if someone didn’t do it for me, I wouldn’t assume the worst.


Sometimes people honestly don’t know any better.


Timing makes a difference though.


If they handed me an empty container, and they didn’t have access to a kitchen sink before handing it back, that would be acceptable.


(If they found some other way around that to clean the container anyway, I may even ask them how they managed to pull that off, haha.)


But, if they had the opportunity to take it home, or worse it’s been longer than a day, then yes, handing back a dirty container would be pretty inconsiderate and it would also make me question their cleanliness.


If they are simply a dirty person, maybe they didn’t grow up with the best parents, and honestly didn’t know any better.


I’d be willing to teach them and show them.


But, if I find out that they are just lazy…


THEN, that’s a red flag.


So, I’m pretty patient with someone and I give them the benefit of the doubt before I finally consider something a red flag.

[DermalPunch]

These are all excellent points.

[dynamicyandere]

Thanks! 🙂

[lightbulb27]

we'll, he's a poorly trained idiot slob. As well, possible that his "mommy" did everything for him and he never learned. There are lots of those around, I pickup their trash on the side of the road of these idiots (and some are females) all the time.

If you'd like the job of retraining one, stay with him. We all appreciate your hard work and effort although it could be frustrating. So, society creates medications and has many therapists available for when you need it.

Alternately, challenge him on this for what is appropriate and see if he makes the change. Evaluate his home for cleanliness and order (always check if there is a maid) and if his cat litter box is clean.

Then decide.

[DermalPunch]

A lot of guys are slobs tbh.

[lightbulb27]

in your age group, I've seen a lot of well trained clean guys. the new younger generation has an abundance of slobs. there are decent ones, you are competing to get them.
some are trainable... some you will want to budget for a maid and some wine to manage your nerves.
p. s. some women are slobs too...

[DermalPunch]

Yes some women are slobs. Actually, some women can be downright squalid.

[Rizwan_khan]

It is very baad manner that he can't even wash it container. In fact if someone gave us food or anything in container we should always give back by wash it and put some eatable item in it then give it back. Because i have hi k giving back an empty container is baad manner for me.

[DermalPunch]

Yes, you understand. I'm in a Muslim country too and he is as well. So you see he knows these things and I think he was being rude on purpose.

[DermalPunch]

Or he comes from bad people.

[Rizwan_khan]

Some people don't appreciate things. They takes things lightly.

[DermalPunch]

You seem like you are in Pakistan. Maybe not. Anyway, let's saybit is you and a girl gives you a some food. You like the girl... even say you are poor... you give it back just wiped out instead of washed?

He said thank you amd he loved it etc and i didn't have to ask for it back which is a point for him but still.

[Rizwan_khan]

I'm from India and if still I'm poor but still i can manage to put some dates in container. I can't give return empty box. I just don't feel good. I don't know why. And i have a friend who give me food and i always give it with filled box and she liked it that's why she always give me different food item in box

[DermalPunch]

EXXXAAAACCCTTTLLLY Some dates.

[DermalPunch]

But unwashed and empty in Muslim culture... come on. But his tribe is known for being stingy. This is why i think just don't proceed.

[Rizwan_khan]

Being stingy 🤣. If you will give me food then i will return your box with surprise for sure.

[DermalPunch]

I know you would. He knows too. He did it to tell me he doesn't have real feeling for me. Or he is just dumb.

[Rizwan_khan]

It may be the reason.

[DermalPunch]

Which one? I gave two.

[Rizwan_khan]

Last one

[DermalPunch]

You were right.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Well, that's totally up to you. A simple thing to ask them to clean it after returning is a must in some cases or you could mention after you get it and ask them to do so. You're not their mom, but at the same time, its just a minor inconvenience. It's not like they destroyed it.

[DermalPunch]

If it was just some person, yes. But if there are romantic undercurrents and overtones and homeboy can't wash out the bowl like come on. I mean it there was not food in it but he merely wiped it out and didn't wash it. I mean... . I will admit, I am someone who likes to do things as near to perfect as possible. But I don't feel wrong for taking this as a bit of a slight.

[DermalPunch]

And I am not even taking off points for returning it empty because that may escape some people. But he should know better than to return it empty but whatever. Anyway, it was a test and he got about 38%.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

You're fairly interesting. You condone cheating, tell them to keep it from their spouse so they don't get hurt or hurt the spouse's feelings and yet you get bothered by a little dirty dish. Before you get to that point if actually making them food and expecting them to give your dish back clean, you should explain beforehand your preference on such things. Not everyone is going to automatically assume to do so. I would, but other people are raised differently.

[DermalPunch]

oh you. Listen you damn well know I don't condone cheating. Cheating disgusts me and I said it reapeatedly on the post. I am about sparing feelings of people. That cheating ***** should stop or just leave. Don't break the guy's heart twice so enought with that garbage, OK.

I am interesting, I know. Thanks.

Yes, he was raised without manners or he isn't really to into me. I think it's mostly the second with a bit of the first.

[DermalPunch]

i wish I had this same energy to tell him to wash the damn bowl out.

[msc545]

You should probably mention it to him, but you really do not need to make a big deal out of it. If you still think you do, you would probably be doing him a favor by breaking up with him.

[DermalPunch]

"you would probably be doing him a favor by breaking up with him." Translation: you are f---ing nuts. Why thank you!

[msc545]

Well no I didn't precisely mean that. I just meant that if you're that worried about small things like this, he probably won't do well with you being so picky..

[DermalPunch]

Ok. I think it's so basic and a bit disrespectful.

[DermalPunch]

It's the small things that tell the big story.

[msc545]

I understand exactly what you're saying and I agree with you, but it's such a small thing that it may not be worth a breakup. Why don't you try explaining how you feel to him and see how he reacts and then take it from there.

[DermalPunch]

Here, people do these passive-aggressive things to send you big messages. I get the message. We aren't together. I gave it to him to see how he would return it to me on purpose. He told me loud and clear that I am not of high value to him. It's cool. Better a bowl than my bowl if you get me.

[DermalPunch]

or he is just a dude and clueless about these things regardless of culture

[msc545]

If you feel that being petty is appropriate, then go for it.

[DermalPunch]

I think that I should just stick to myself for little while longer. Thank you as always.

[ColHathi]

It could be that they have a lack of manners, but it wouldn't be enough for me to go on.

[ColHathi]

Lol, what happened? Why is he a nut job?

[DermalPunch]

No even worth taping about it.

[DermalPunch]

Typing

[NathanDavis]

instant deal breaker for me...

[Legendarylegacy13]

The note said please return. it did not say wash. I think it shows that he is good at following directions.

[DermalPunch]

The picture was an example. Yes, he is good at following directions but he lacks basic manners.

[Legendarylegacy13]

To be honest with you he probably did that on purpose cause he knew how you would react. Maybe he is planing on sticking around.

[DermalPunch]

Actually, I'm in a culture that has a big food sharing custom and this is capital R rude behaviour. Granted he is a little nervous around me so maybe he just wanted to return it ASAP. I have no clue. Just trying to decide if this is a harbinger of worse habits. I have made the mistake of not cutting things off when small things that I feel indicate other bad habits and I end up getting hurt really bad. To me, a guy who cares would have washed it out. It seems to me that I don't have much value to him and if I am this unimportant that he can't wash out a bowl in this early stage then imagine when he is used to me.

[Legendarylegacy13]

You still are going to have to compromise on some level you just wrote a Essay about a food container. It may be signs of other stuff

[DermalPunch]

I think that I hang out with women and men are not up on these things like we are.

[Legendarylegacy13]

What do you mean.

[DermalPunch]

would you give someone back an unwashed container?

[Legendarylegacy13]

If they gave one to me.

[DermalPunch]

Yes. Obviously

[Legendarylegacy13]

So you admit that you would give someone an unwashed food container

[DermalPunch]

What? I am asking how YOU would return a food container.

[Legendarylegacy13]

I'd wash it out before I returned it.

[DermalPunch]

Exactly.

[Legendarylegacy13]

That's what I am saying he probably did it on purpose cause he knew how you would react.

[DermalPunch]

He doesn't know me enough to know my reaction and I didn't react. He was thankful and I never asked for the bowl back so fine but given the culture we live in... it's a bit rude.

[DermalPunch]

Really rude

[Legendarylegacy13]

Okay understandable

[Jamie05rhs]

Kinda weak, tbh. Haha. I definitely would have washed it first.

But you can give him a warning if you want. :)

[DermalPunch]

Totally wack.

In my heart of hearts, I think he is just an idiot. The nice kind. Clueless.

But I don't know how to bring it up.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch You have to tell him. Lol

[DermalPunch]

Really? So awks

[DermalPunch]

I would rather just split him black and not confront the situation at all.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch But if he doesn't learn from you, he may do it to another woman.

[DermalPunch]

Not my problem.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch A lot of other women share that same view. And that is why women as a whole are suffering.

[DermalPunch]

Hmmmm. You do have a point. Women do need to set the bar.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DermalPunch Thanks :)

[clampfan101]

I agree he should have cleaned it, but don’t find it a big enough of a problem to stop liking him.

[DermalPunch]

No I'm totally turned off. What do you mean.

[DermalPunch]

I misread this. I sorry. I think it's a huge red flag. I k own it seems extreme but it's these small things that tell you a lot about a person. But some guys have NO etiquette. It's just so lacking it makes me think it's a test. I mean that is really rude!!! Guys like to test boundaries and see how badly they can treat a woman. I'm telling you. He knows better. Now I have to go and mention this crao. Ugh

[clampfan101]

Maybe ask him to wash them from now on and see how well he does? People can improve.

[DermalPunch]

Well, yes. I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Better get to the next one

[Opinion Owner]

And I say this because from one small thing it gets to another and another and you get to spend your life with someonenyou dont even like

[DermalPunch]

Yes, to me it shows disrespect. The person in question is a very young bachelor. Leeway or no?

[Opinion Owner]

Young has nothing to do with it, even a 7 year old should know this

[DermalPunch]

I think 7 is a bit young. My 7 year old would have to be told