Guys, I think he’s lost interest in me. Do I keep working on our relationship or do I have to end it?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. I initiate literally all our dates (the last time he planned something for us was probably 2 years ago), I usually am the one to initiate sex, I ask him how he is and about his day and he rarely asks me how I’m going, I sometimes talk to him and he actually ignores me. When he’s away working or on surf trips, I will ask him how he’s going but he never asks me how everything is back home. But he still says he loves me. And sometimes he says he misses me. We’ve broken up before because I’ve told him that I feel unwanted at times and that the live isn’t reciprocated and he didn’t really do anything to try and mend our relationship. I feel like I’m trying really hard now to keep our love alive but it feels so one-sided. I have even tried to back off because I don’t want to come across needy. I have my own life - my own hobbies, my own career, my own friends, and I do many things without him. I have been genuinely choosing to be with him because I want him, not because I need him. I love him very much but I don’t feel appreciated or valued and I don’t know what else to do. I’ve spoken and even cried to him about feeling unloved and he says he understands and that he loves me but that something might be wrong with him. When I ask him what he thinks is wrong, he doesn’t know. I’m 32 now and really want to find my person. I’m starting to doubt if he is the one for me but I still love him very much and want to make it work. But I also love myself and don’t want to waste my time if it’s obvious to everyone else that he’s no longer interested in me.

Break it off (because he won’t)

Keep fighting for it

Updates

+1 y

I should mention that he and I do a lot of traveling together and we can still have a lot of fun. I just miss the day-to-day intimacy as life isn’t always travel and adventures.

[Lionman95]

I would say break off because I'd say you waited long enough for him being able to show interest in you. He surely has to work on himself but that's not your problem. You can't save a relationship and chances are that he'll never change but instead enjoys the current state and has no interest in changing. So I know it could be hard but I think it's better to break off to save yourself from losing yourself and turn bitter.

[Asker]

That’s really hard to hear but I think deep down I know you’re right. He has said he doesn’t like the current situation either and wants to work on it, but he just doesn’t. He seems to carry on as if everything is okay but there is something fundamentally wrong if one of us is feeling like they’re doing all the work.

Thank you for your insight.

[Lionman95]

Your welcome. I know it doesn´t sound good after being in a relationship for 3 years. But to be honest I think he´s been using you the past 2 years making you promises that he knows you´d like to hear. I wish you all the best.

[slatyb]

You aren't happy. Nothing is changing. How long are you going to keep on being unhappy?

[Avicenna]

It doesn't sound like it's going to work out

[Asker]

I was worried this would be the kind of response I’d get. It’s crazy because all our friends tell me he loves me very much, and he says he does too but his actions don’t align

[In_Trance]

Why don't you talk to him about it

[Asker]

We’ve had many conversations about this but we keep falling back into this pattern. And it ends with him saying he still loves me and that he knows he needs to try harder. But then he doesn’t and we end up back here again.

[In_Trance]

How many times are you going to keep doing this?

[Asker]

I don’t know. It’s hard to break up with someone you love when they say they love you too but their actions don’t align.

I guess that’s my answer but I just don’t want to be throwing a relationship away if there’s hope.

[In_Trance]

Good luck

[Anonymous]

And you're still with him...

[Asker]

So you clearly think I should have broken it off already?

[Opinion Owner]

Absolutely without any second thoughts

[Asker]

Okay, thank you for your perspective.

[Opinion Owner]

Action speaks louder then words..
Take care ma'am.