Do you think girls should be more straightforward?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I was just thinking about something and this thought crossed my mind, we are taught that we should be feminine, wait for a guy to make a move and so on… So it puts you in a position that the guy chooses you instead of you choosing the guy. You then choose the guy out of the pool of men who are interested in you.

What if women were as straightforward as men? Let’s say she’s interested in someone, why can’t she go and get him?

She wants a job, she gets the job,
She wants a dress, She gets the dress,
She wants the success, She gets the success.

So why not a specific man that she happens to want?

Or should we all play that game of men chasing and women teasing till the dusk of humankind?

Updates

1 y

I figured, I am not that type haha

I am just too shy

[caring__1]

Guys aren't mind readers. There are many ways you can show interest without forcing yourself on others. Girls seem to feel they either have to be passive or aggressive. Aren't extremes a turnoff to girls, also? Would you like the only options available to you to be raped or ignored?

If you want to be noticed, don't play games. Notice the guy. Let him know when he says or does something that impresses you... being specific as to what was impressive. Ask for help... showing you believe they have something special to add to the situation. It's even OK to ask them to join you in something... "I'm going to go get coffee. Would you like to join me?" Start off with subtleties, and avoid all extreme declarations. If you do these things, and the guy doesn't respond, he's either not interested or not ready for what he believes you want. Never force yourself on others. It just comes across as desperation.

Be assertive. When you're assertive or aggressive, your goal is the same. You want to get from point A to point B as quickly and efficiently as possible. The difference is aggressive people just push straight through with no consideration for how their actions impact others or the situation, while assertive people may choose the best route, not necessarily the most direct route (being aware of and considering others they can help or can help them). Read the hare and the tortoise fable to understand this.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/FxqhjESV6z4

[Jammaa]

100% agree but this won't be changing right away. I do think a lot will change in the next 10 years though. Nobody wants to risk rejection and embarrassment but the truth is that everything will be okay. The people who truly care about you will respect the effort. Some may be jealous haters, but it's better to find out that you don't want anything to do with them earlier than later.
On the other hand, the argument is that "the guy must not like me much if he doesn't make the effort." But how about the effort that a girl gives for a guy?
Another argument is that girls do not want to appear easy but you can express interest without being sold on someone. If you are absolutely sold without knowing a guy then self-reflection is necessary. I also think girls shouldn't expect guys to fall head over heels for them immediately either.
I believe there are many girls having the same thoughts that you are having. Although I do think many more are comfortable with the way things are, I believe there are more girls than ever who are realizing that being straightforward is genuine and that's how girls want guys to be so it's hypocritical to not provide that same realness. Guys might be able to provide more when it comes to something like physical strength but being genuine is something we can all do. Saying "I'm shy" is a valid reason but the truth is that this is literally not saying/doing what you want to do because you're afraid. Many people will not try to overcome their fears because they think it's just who they are but saying this is a great excuse to not take action.

[JustMeL120]

Girls should tell a guy straight if they like them and if the guy rejects them they can fuck off. Most women who tell me not to pursue men are single and never married.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

Trouble for me is that I don't know what to do. I like it at the threshold where she fashionably passed me her number [there might be newer ways now with mobile devices; I haven't been a bachelor in over ten years].

So I like forward women but not so much that they ask me out. Then I don't know what to do. I like them to give me their e-mail or number so that if I want to ask them out, I can do that.

Then I can get home and plan a whole date, decide what restaurant might impress them based on our previous convo (ex: if she likes Italian, find the best Italian restaurant if I don't have one already). Then drive to her place, take her on date, and try to impress her and obv pay for all of it (I am host, she is guest).

I don't like this pursue and chase thing but I don't like being pursued because it makes me feel helpless as a guy. And admittedly if a girl is pursuing me, you know, it's like she's offering her vagina to me on a silver platter. Why wouldn't I take this offer?

[BungusHighFivePizza]

You know, if a girl asks me out, I figure I don't even have to try to impress her. Getting laid is almost guaranteed. And maybe you might say that this is true in reverse, but it's not. Most girls go on a date with a guy who asks them out still unsure of him, and not willing to sleep with him immediately.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep, I totally get it. I am not talking about her pursuing you though.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My ex fiance for example, has been chased by lots of girls and he liked me because I was the only girl who didn’t pay him any attention.

Later on, we broke up and he went for a girl who showed the interest in him first.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

Cheers! One thing in terms of choice is that it's confusing to me. Since as a guy asking girls out, I feel like I get to choose in some way, but not another. I figure ultimate power of choice comes from woman who has more options typically with her suitors, and she is like a queen able to decide which one is her favorite. We guys usually only get the choice of which one we like, not favorite, unless we're rockstars, with heavy chance of being rejected.

But I like the idea of a more straightforward woman who is flirty, passes her number (or whatever equivalent these days), doesn't leave a guy guessing too much.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

I think in your case, possibly he matured a bit. I think most guys into the chase are young and energetic about relationships. It's all so fresh and exciting and so you want the challenge, work hard, win over the girl's affections through your efforts. Then you get all proud because you won something that seemed almost impossible to win.

But I think as we get older, we just want someone we get along with very easily. We start to get tired of the challenge. Might still climb the tallest mountain or dive in front of a bus to save her if we really need to, but getting too old to feel like we need to do something like this every single day. So definitely more forward and easy-going women become a plus in my opinion as we grow older and more experienced who offer less resistance to the things we say and want to do together.

[JustMeL120]

Men changs there mind on what they are into all the time. My presonal opinion is if i like a guy i will try to get him and if he rejects me i will move on.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

@JustMeL120 How much deception bias do you account for? My exes seemed the same who broke up with me but I figure in spite of their words that they might just like different types of guys.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

@JustMeL120 But I especially agree with your strategy!

[Rab1901]

If you ask most heterosexual guys, there is no question YESSS! This might be the rarest quality in girls, so if a girl is straightforward, a guy will feel soooo damn good about her. Seriously it's a breath of fresh air. The greatest guys I know don't even want much, but if you can provide straightforwardness, they will take it as a sign of respect whether it is conscious or not. If you think about it, it's quite respectful to be real. I completely agree with @Jammaa in regards to being yourself! Being shy is not really being who you are, but holding back who you are.

[inhua]

it wouldn't make a difference. the results will just be a lot clearer on the type of dudes they go for. those girls who sit around and wait don't normally get the dudes they truly want only what they can get if they even want them in the first place.

[jshm2]

The word you're looking for is "forthcoming".

Sure, girls have about 50 years of catching up to do on how office and public decorum and communication should work in mixed groups.

But not very many are managing it.

The important thing to remember is that in formal or work setting, no one gives a shit about how quirky you are.

[DamianTheSmikkelbeer]

Certainly would make love easier and connections stick faster, if males and women were equally straight-forward marriage would be in a better-state nowadays and you’ll have much less children without a certain parent being there. And since when did being “feminine” mean standing there with your hands in the pockets? People have such a backwards thinking of feminity and masculinity in this age, it’s a little worrying.

[Hanrej]

Because then for the first time she's vulnerable. Aside from the possibility of rejection, she actually lets the guy she wants know that she wants him. If a guy feel wanted he'll be more inclined to bargain, possibly leaching on her like many men feel women have done to them.

But hey, go for it. New experiences and all.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Nope, I am not going to go for that. I am just asking generally. I have been raised too differently to do that. It’s just not in me. I am too proud.

[spartan55]

@lafemmefatale_1
'Too proud' what does that mean?

[bamesjond0069]

There are more options besides: "go and get him" and "play that game of men chasing and women teasing"

Leave it to a woman to miss the obvious option: "be more straightforward"

Men should initiate and women should be straightforward in their response to initiation. Playing a game is a fast way to make men think of you as someone ghost or pump and dump.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Going for what you desire is how you get what you desire. There's no other way around it.

When it comes to men, a forward woman tends to be a whorish woman.

As a woman you're suppose to give a guy choosing signals if he doesn't respond to you then he isn't interested thus move on.

[Grond21]

I don't think there is a "should" involved here. But I will say that if a woman wants a man who is not making moves on her, it can become incumbent on her to either make moves on him or overtly signal that she is interested.

[OfMiceandMen]

If both guys and girls were that way, I think we could avoid all the games/hoops people tend to put people through.

[Berethor]

Feminism? girls are much less likely to get rejected than guys, so there is less risk for girls.

[TomMarks]

I think women should be more straightforward. Sometimes just wanting for the right guy’s attention may allow many of the others to try.

[Sparkie460]

If a woman wants a guy she should approach him. There's nothing wrong with asking a guy that she likes out. If you want it, go get it

[spartan55]

And it is NEVER considered desperate for a woman to do this.

[Sparkie460]

No it's not. It just means she's not afraid to go after something that she wants

[ColHathi]

Definitely. Enough with these stupid games. They only do harm.

[Chthou95]

doesn't matter. Lying is easier than being honest for a lot of people. We're not mind readers though and having to pick up on things is annoying as shit

[mommymommymommy]

A girl I like, always tells me she loves me, I've never said it back. What does that mean?

[Anonymous]

If a girl wants to, she should. If she doesn't, she shouldn't.

Personally, I find it a bit unattractive when girls try to take the lead like that.

[msc545]

Every woman that has ever approached me has gotten what she wanted from me.

[Anonymous]

Most women will never do that, and the reason is a combination of entitlement and cowardice.

[msc545]

Well said. Women are afraid of being rejected and they feel that they shouldn't have to approach men because they are really just too good for this and I think that men should take all the risks.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. But we all know that's not going to happen most the time so... do what ya like. 😆😆😆

[TheUniqueOne96]

Yeah, sounds fine.