Is there no chance for me of finding a boyfriend if I don't go to places like clubs, night-bars etc?

[Anonymous]

I'm really trying to become more social, I have already made a progress but when it comes to these places, I just can't find the appeal and will to go there. My sisters don't understand, they're the more "normal" ones. I've used to prefer staying at home and videogames, now I have gotten more extroverted but I'm still more of an introvert, an ambivert maybe, and I just don't want to do something that's so unlike me.

So that's why I'm asking and please be honest guys, what you think about this issue of mine?

I don't like alcohol, I don't want to dance and be surrounded by such a huge number of alcohol (and whatever else) influenced people.

I don't really want a boyfriend who'd be a party animal in the first place. It's fine if he wants to go out but I prefer quieter settings and I must say that nothing beats home in the end (at least for me).

Chances are extremely slim!

Chances are small but not excessively bad.

Chances are there, night-life isn't required to meet somebody!

Updates

1 y

Thanks to everyone who voted and commented! :)

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'd never meet a girlfriend in any of those places. That's single use fun there.

If you're still in the "part time job" part of your life. Look for a used video game store or something like that if you'd like to exploit that strength that you bring to the table.

Beyond that, and really for the rest of your single life, think of the man you want to attract. Where does he go? What does he do? Where does he hang out. Place yourself there so you have opportunity to meet. If you want a man who actively gives to community, work/volunteer at a charity important to you. Attend charity fundraiser events like auctions or 5ks. Doesn't matter if you're bidding. Don't like running? Neither do I. War injury, but I throw on a pack and ruckmarch the events nearly every weekend, sometimes multiple in a weekend. I've done right around 20 this year. There have been some wonderful women there. Do you want someone outdoorsy? Join a group that hikes on the weekends. Most real relationships don't come from the club. Even if you don't meet that man AT that event, those people there will know other likeminded individuals, and if they like you, they'll set you up with their top-shelf friend. Or you'll have enough presence built up at these events that even a man who cannot attend due to other commitments will send someone to inquire on his behalf. Unfortunately I've had to do that a number of times just due to scheduling conflicts that I didn't want to have to have rescheduled.

Personally I'm an ambivert at heart because my job requires a certain amount of extrovert for success, and sometimes that uses it all up. I always have time for my rescue kittens and responsibilities, and my day typically starts between 0330 and 0400, so people looking for me for any reason are unlikely to find me at a dive bar on a Thursday night partying 'til 2 in the morning.

Nextdoor can be a great resource for goings on in your community, as can meetups, though both of those are so location dependent you may be somewhere that one or both sucks.

Which part of the country are you from (you can DM if you won't want to put that out publicly)? Perhaps I can tailor some suggestions as to where to look based on that, so you don't have to burn up all your extrovert skill points early and end up regretting a build you need to retweak later ;) That's always been frustrating.

[Asker]

I am from the Czech Republic, lots of different kinds of people here even though it is a small country.
I personally think it's also about luck, some people are just more lucky in general. I never been lucky.
I just want someone normal, someone I can be myself with, cuddle with while watching favorite movie when I don't feel like going out (and him too), at the same time, I'm not against going out but I prefer more quiet settings, nothing rowdy like these clubs/parties. Someone who enjoyes and respects the classic (movies, music, even fashion), likes animals, has moral standards, doesn't spend all his time on social medias... Really just a simple rather old school type of a guy.

[Steelcore5280]

Places like clubs, bars, etc., are not the best places for you to look for men of quality. Trust me, as someone who does plenty of traveling for his career, I can tell you that 95% of the guys you would meet in those places are not quality guys.

For your sake, don't search for your forever partner in places like that, you'll only be disappointed.

[Asker]

I believe so too, it's just my sister always had it different compared to me. She enjoyed parties, clubs, even drug stuff.
I want someone normal, someone with actual moral standards lol

[Steelcore5280]

I, too, would like to have someone with some moral standards and doesn't have a trash personality. In the USA, it's tougher to find women who aren't shitty, honestly

[Simslover92]

You need to go to places where the person will match you and your lifestyle. Going to bars/nightclubs just isn't it and is the wrong way to go about finding someone. You are only going to attract guys that do what you just said you don't really like.

If you like videogaming and staying at home, why not try to connect with other gamers? There has been love found through doing that. You could also try going to different events like speed dating or some virtual videogaming events.

There's a plethora of ways to meet people who match you. It's all about getting creative!

[Asker]

I've always wanted to try out a martial art or a training with such aspects. Do you think there might be a chance of meeting someone? Who knows how it's gonna work out but I was thinking that maybe that could be it or at least I'll find a hobby for myself or maybe not.

I do like videogames but at the same time I don't really want a gamer boyfriend. It's complicated.
I also really can't stand the online dating thing, I am old school in this.

I'll try to work on myself. Maybe I'll meet the guy when I really don't expect it. People say that all the time.

[Simslover92]

It's possible that you could meet him by doing that but like you said you should focus on working on yourself. You will meet him when you least expect it! I definitely believe that!

[banditgirl]

I am also a introverted person who does not like to go to club I absolutely hate alcohol and I am more of a homebody the way I pick up men is doing the thing that I actually like, like going to the park to read my books or going out to eat or traveling. not every man enjoys clubs and setting like that so it is possible to find someone who’s more of a homebody and If a man is interested in you sometimes they will approach you but just like us women some men are pretty shy to lol so mabey sometime you should take the initiative. That’s all I got hope it helps.

[Asker]

Thank you. It's better than nothing. I just gotta try to be more approacheable, do more of the things I've always wanted to try and then I'll see. Maybe I'll find a hobby at least if nothing else.
Gotta keep on hoping.
by the way. I am so glad to know someone else hates alcohol.

[UniquelyBasic]

The club isn't the only way to meet people. You're obviously not going to find anyone staying inside and playing games all day but going to the club or bar, depending on what kind of person you are, you probably won't want to associate with the people those places attracts. Not saying they are bad people but they might not be the best fit for you.

[glennos89]

To be honest if you are a introvert what you seem to be then it's more difficult to find a relationship then being a extrovert. That's one. The second thing is that finding a relationship these days has become increasingly more difficult for almost everyone because of online long distance dating

[Asker]

I hate the online thing. I am maybe more introverted but I am willing and I appreciate real stuff so much more. I want to meet in person, get to know in person, be close. I need that to fall in love.

[glennos89]

I feel you 100%. I have the exact same. I hate the online dating bullshit and it doesn't work for me

[LazerBean]

No, it will still be plenty of chances. I would doubt that a man who is a regular clubber would be worth anything anyway.

[Asker]

I do think so too.
I just hate the pressure from my family, colleagues, friends too.

[DryGermanGuy]

It’s about the quantity of opportunities… job functions, sports, interest groups, charity work, church…

[boggboss]

Yes your chances drop dramatically as what places are u going then to find someone?

[Asker]

It always happened randomly in random places. Last time a guy asked me out on the street, he was cute but shy, I said yes, didn't work out unfortunately.

[boggboss]

Fair enough but yeah I would still say if not going to social places chances drop a lot

[Asker]

I get that. Gotta find the right places. Any ideas?

[Guardian45]

Sure there is! LOTS of guys DON'T go to places like clubs, night-bars etc!

[Kaede_Akita_]

Nooooooo- you can meet boys other and better ways, consider using tinder or smth.

[Asker]

and if I prefer the real in person thing? I don't like online dating.

[Kaede_Akita_]

Ohhhhh- same lol, try going to hobby clubs or clubs that you enjoy, maybe even social groups? I know plenty of them in my neighbourhood and my neighbourhood is teeny tiny