He hasn't replied to me in 2 days following first date. What's in his mind?

[Anonymous]

Here's a little context:

We've met online and have been talking for a little over a month. He's moved to my city a few months ago for work and is working in a fied where is required to be on call.

We were meant to meet up before but had to postpone due to work. We've been sending each other pictures (not nudes on my part) and have done video chats so he has seen me in my PJs with messy hair and no make-up before.

We decided on a casual date where did some did interactive, indoor activity ( think along the lines of an escape room or rock climbing), which went for an hour and a half. We had a chance to hang out in between. It was my first time doing it where's he's done it before. He was aware of that beforehand. Then we drove to a quiet place and fooled around a bit, we didn't do the ful deed. Then he dropped me home.

He seemed so happy then and I thought the date went fine. He didn't reply the next day but I didn't think too much. I just messaged hey on day 2 still no reply.

He's the one that said he's hoping for a relationship to come out of our chats. Then whys he ghosting me now?

[hahahmm]

Red flag when someone claims to want to see you but they're not around for months. yet they have the time to text you, call and all this other stuff. In fact it's something people do when they're lying. Like they're married with kids or never really moved anywhere like they said. No way was he too busy working to meet up before that. I've had jobs where I worked insane hours and I would still have the time to meet more than once over several months. I think he needed time to talk to other women.

When someone is into you... they will make way more of an effort. He would have seen you in the first week of moving to town & probably every week after that. I mean if he was really looking to move things along.

Also interesting how he sent you nudes of himself. I'm guessing he has done that to a lot of other women before. And it sounds like you're not even into that sort of thing so he wasn't paying attention to you at all.

You can do better. Something is shady about this guy.

[Asker]

That's right, no one can be that busy with no means to reach out. Not only did he send nudes, he sent ones with his face in too. 🤦‍♀️

[KingslayerC]

Here's a bunch of possibilities: you were less attractive in person than you made yourself appear in pics so he finished the date and moved on, you said or did something during the date that made him feel like you wouldn't work out, he was just looking for a one night stand and was lying, something bad happened to him, he found another woman or became more serious with another woman. Probably some more that I can't think of.

Either way, if you messaged twice and he's not replying, move on. No one gets that busy unless he works in areas where he's out of cell service for days on end (like a forestry firefighter).

[Asker]

In terms of looks, I do workout and try to stay fit. When I send pictures, I did try to keep it natural because It would be so embarrassing for me if I presented myself that I couldn't live upto irl.
He does have a job that might take him to out of service places, but maybe he's got someone else.

[KingslayerC]

Best of luck to you though. I know it stings. also, I admire your honesty in sending natural pictures. A lot of people insist on sending heavily edited or outdated pictures and basically trick the other person into a date. You'll find a good dude eventually.

[Asker]

Thank you

[provokeesmokee]

Ghosting happens to women, too.

Accept the message: after the date, he wasn't interested.

Alternatively, he moved and is on call. It's possible he got called in and - depending on his field - it is possible that he can't talk for an extended period.

However, either way, moving and a new job are high on the life stress list. Up there with marriage or a kid. He probably won't have the capacity for a new relationship until he's more settled.

[Asker]

It's possible he's been busy with work, but 3 days is an overkill. You're right, i did get the feeling that he's not ready for a relationship.

[Reem12345reem]

if he wanted to he wouldhave responded in a text and his silence is a response , just go along with your life and stop waiting for him to text bc he's not gonna text u again

[Asker]

Yeah, I'm getting that feeling. Thank you.

[EricSummer]

This is odd and it is also impolite.

It is common that people are not attracted when they meet even after long and intensive online contact. Maybe he gave it a try when you where making out, but it still did not work for him. Now he does not know what to say.

It is also possible that he dated someone else in parallel and now made the choice for her.

Otherwise I would have said maybe his wife confiscated his phone...

[Asker]

Hmmmm.. to be frank, even though we didn't do the full deed, he was... satisfied. which is why I thought the attraction was there.
Maybe he's keeping he's looking around 🤔

[Finchie40]

Whatever the reason is , it doesn’t matter , the fact that he didn’t respond or reach out to you is an indication that he isn’t interested in you or he is just weighing his options , he is more than likely talking to other girls as well, So do yourself a favor and move on , Of he really liked you he would of responded period , Don’t fall for someone that can’t give you back the same or equivalent in return , When someone really likes someone that don’t hesitate to make contact period

[Asker]

Agreed 👍

[Finchie40]

Yea realize you deserve better than that , someone that is going to stand by your side the same way you do for them , never settle for less

[Asker]

Thank you 😊

[Alex8736]

if he touched base with you prior to meeting IRL making every attempt to make time and he is ghosting you now, my advice would be if or when he reaches out to you again don't immediately reply but wait till the next day and if you sense a possible attitude or even sarcasm then he is self centered and doesn't believe in things being a 2 way street

[Asker]

Yeah we did talk to each other almost everyday for like 6 weeks and thought we had a good rapport but apparently not

[slatyb]

Probably nothing is in his mind, particularly not another date with you. But if you would like to see him again you can always ask. Maybe he misread you and concluded you weren't interested.

[Asker]

I don't want to run after someone who's not that interested in me, so I didn't want to ask it directly.

[slatyb]

Why not? What's the worst that can happen? What happened on the date? What makes you want to see him again?

[Asker]

Maybe I will ask.

[TooHot2Care]

He's seducing you.

Wanna know how I know?

You're thinking about him.

You wanna know if he's thinking of you.

It's called being Coquette, don't be mad and don't moralize.

[Asker]

Ahh. Makes sense. Thank you

[TooHot2Care]

Go get him.

[LiamJHayden]

1. He lost interest.
2. He follows some ritual wherein he does not contact the girl for X number of days after a first date.

Could be something else, but these seem most likely.

[Asker]

Maybe, now I had some time to think about it, I think he thought he wanted a relo but not really ready for it

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Probably Another Girl!

[WhitneySnow]

Sometimes even not going all the way is enough for a guy to ghost you

[ArrowheadSW]

It could be that he is ghosting, or it also could be that he is real busy with his job that requires him to be on call.

[exitseven]

I thought that there was a three day rule. If you called before 3 days it means you are desperate.

[Asker]

I haven't called. I he had to drive a fair bit and we had big day so I just texted him, "hope you got home alright". Then I just messaged hi on day 2 because of the radio silence.

[AustinMan]

He's just not that into you.

[Asker]

Fair enough

[Anonymous]

Men are clueless as to what they want at the best of times.

[justabuddy]

I would call.. at least make him man up and say what ever it is to you.

[Iron_Man]

Give it two more days and call

[In_Trance]

Call him

[RHK36]

How old is he?

[Asker]

He's 34

[RHK36]

He was trying to smash. You didn't, so his attention is going elsewhere. If he hits you up later it's because he struck out on his end with another girl. I don't blame him, you're too old to be slow playing at your age. You'll have to find someone to match your pace which can be harder the older you get.