I had an anxiety of dating since the very beginning, I remember I always rejected guys who wanted to date me, not because O was necessarily uninterested but because I was scared, they would no longer like me if they got to know me closer.
Because of that I started dating late at 21, before then of course I met some guys, I was chased, I was told they loved me and so on but I always did the same, I left when they told me they had feelings. Hence where my username “LaFemmeFatale” came to me when I was 17 and I felt like I broke everyone’s heart and I was left heartbroken by that myself.
At 21 I met someone very nice at a birthday party of my cousin, he liked me a lot and I decided I liked him so much I didn’t want to ruin it. So I told him I would go on a date with him.
But I always delayed it. I always told him, let’s meet next week, I am busy now, I am working and I always had reasons not to meet him. Because the thought of meeting him alone scared me, I thought what if he made a mistake and mistakenly liked me at a birthday party and when he meets me again he won’t like me that much anymore.
He asked to meet me for 3 months and the last date, I was so nervous, I did something awful, I just drank a glass of wine and decided I was too scared to meet and instead I just switched off the phone and went to sleep.
I had lots of missed calls and messages when I woke up. I felt guilty. I knew I acted awful and I let my fear take the best out of me.
A week later I decided I would no longer let my fear control me, I asked him out on a date, and took him on a dinner myself. It was a bit earlier before going to China.
And that was my first date, it went nicely, he liked me and it wasn’t as scary as I imagined. But it was too late, I was moving to China.
In China I was asked out by men of all nationalities, my friends often joked that men of all continents crushed on me.
However I was often asked out by them.
At some point I met my ex fiance and he was very persistent and won me over and made me trust him.
I thought I became confident and learned how to trust, but after break up, I was asked out by a lot of men.
And I decided to give a chance to NICE guys who ask me out, just so I can learn how to be less afraid.
I think I learned a bit, I feel less scared, more relaxed, fun and proud of myself, knowing I am doing something that used to scare me the most. I accept myself now and feel happier.
