Do men actually like paying for the first date?

Question

So I'm a 50/50 girl because I believe that I should pay my own way just in case the first date doesn't work out. A guy asked me out and we decided to go 50/50 but he never showed up. He always said he forgot or was too busy to go on a date despite offering to take me. I didn't understand why this was because he wasn't paying for anything.

There was another guy I talked to which i wanted to go to a coffee shop date ( where we both pay for our own drinks) even though I personally hate coffee it just seemed like the cheapest option at the time. - this guy was rude and inconsiderate of me and I don't know why this was.

I thought men preferred 50/50 or super cheap dates but every time I do this the date either goes bad or the guy doesn't even seem interested in me. I constantly see men saying they appreciate a women who splits or is low maintenance/ cheap so I don't understand why I'm getting such ironic responses when I do this. Maybe I shouldn't be taking dating advice from the internet?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

This has become complicated, unfortunately - it was once much simpler.

I'm a very traditional guy, and I pay for first dates - and virtually all dates - always. Having said that, I also keep early dates simple and cheap, and focused on the two of us being able to talk to each other. I don't ever try to use money (or what money can get you) to lure a girl into a date; that's just going to attract golddigger types. BUT... even though I am traditional, and prefer to pay for dates, at least most of the time, I also don't ever want to feel taken for granted or not appreciated when I do this.

I have to say that it's been quite rare for this to happen to me personally, but I also don't go to bars and clubs to find girls, where those girls are far more likely to be golddigger types. Despite that, it's still happened to me once or twice, where a girl clearly felt completely entitled to spending my money without care, and I cut those dates short. I've seen other guys, who are too afraid to stand up for themselves (partially because they were taught to be polite, and don't know how to handle such rudeness), get used and abused this way, and a few girls seem to gleefully exploit men for money this way.

Many younger, more "modern" guys are more likely to expect 50/50 splits, but you need to understand that this is far from the only area they have "modern" values in. Such guys often don't take relationships very seriously, they VERY often don't take charge and lead in such relationships, and they often don't take any responsibility for the girl's safety. Whether they realize it or not, they were taught "modern" feminist values, and those values are deeply ingrained in them, so you likely won't see them open a door, hold a chair, loan a jacket, walk on the outside of a sidewalk, or other "traditional" things that men in the past always did for women.

Of course, you can still find traditional young men - not as many, but they definitely still exist - you just won't find them in bars or clubs for the most part, and probably not on dating apps either - you'd have to meet them in the real world. And they're probably not going to be in what women would rate as the top 10% of guys - the ones nearly all woman always go for - because those top 10% of guys have endless options with women and thus don't need to make any kinds of compromises to be with them; if a girl starts being a hassle, he's got 100 more girls in his phone who are anxious to replace her.

As a woman, you need to figure out what you are looking for in a man, and then you need to be realistic about what comes in that "package" - because you can't get men with a la carte attributes - each type comes as a complete package, and you have to take the good attributes with the bad. There's no such thing as a handsome, rich, tall, popular guy who is faithful - that combination of characteristics only exists in fiction.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

1. I have always paid for everything on every date and I don't mind because I either select the place or agree to something she suggests and I know in advance it iw within my budget. I have never expected anything sexual from a girl because I paid for a date; I only expect that she will be sincere and give me her attention during the date.

2. When you offer to go 50/50 or agree to cheap dates, guys may devalue you because they may interpret your actions as you don't value yourself. Maybe you need to expect more and that will make them think you are a woman who deserves to be treated better.

3. I don't think EVERYTHING was better back in the day, but in my generation, the guy always pays for everything and we don't have discussions, arguments, or misunderstandings on this subject. It's really much easier.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

I'm not sure what men prefer. I know I prefer to go on low-maintenance dates that involve minimal outlay from either party.

i think dinner is far too formal for a first date. And far too expensive if the date isn't a success. I'd also like a date where I can get up and leave with no fuss. It would be odd and awkward to do that on a dinner date.

How these men behaved with you has nothing to do with your paying your own way, in my opinion. It has to do with these particular men. It also has to do with getting dates from the internet/dating apps. It's a hit and miss proposition.

Just keep plugging away. There's a pearl somewhere among the swine.

kylee2437 · Accepted Answer

If a guy feels like he shouldn’t have to put down money on a date, then he shouldn’t be on it. Same goes for the girl. If things start to get pricey and you don’t like paying, you are just proving right away that you aren’t going to be a good partner.

Avicenna · Answer

I generally go in expecting to pay, But sometimes women want to go 50-50, and it's not always age-dependent. I've had women in their 50s that wanted to go "Dutch" and women in their 20s that did as well.

mobiusforniner · Answer

All you guys thinking it needs to be "fair", you need to grow up. After you're married, I will tell you life becomes anything but fair. It requires you to compromise and be selfless, putting your all into something which may potentially yield nothing. And being okay with that.

And you're here upset about being fair on a dinner date...

Honestly, I dont blame women who want to fly the coup when a guy suggests 50/50 on a first date. It shows her he cares about himself, which is a pussy little boys, not a man.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It's not so much that we like paying for the date, it's that we've come to expect that we need to pay for the first date. I can't speak to other men's experiences in this regard, but in my experience, every time a woman has paid for a date with me; it has been a sign of rejection.

EricSummer · Answer

I think you are overestimating the importance of who pays for the date. If the guys are rude to you it must have other reasons.

In my culture (French-speaking Switzerland) we do not usually split bills. It is normal for the guy to pay, and maybe next time the woman pays. If there is no next time so be it.

A woman who wants to pay 50% or who adds up items from the bill is probably a bit complicated or eager to assert independence.

However, I will make allowances for the culture. If she's German she likely goes 50% and administrative complexity is natural to her. If she's Russian I will pay for all dates and she will never assume or offer anything else.

Lionman95 · Answer

I think it depends on who you´re asking. In my opinion many guys nowadays haven´t learned to date so they don´t understand the "power" they have or the effects their behavior on a first date have. Many guys grow up with the misconception that them paying on dates makes them look weak or being willing to pay for anything. A "happy wife happy life" idea not realising that guys always had to invest to win a woman´s heart.
It´s the rhythm of life that a guy has to show effort and has to fight to get a woman interested in him.
To me personally I should think a guy should at least to be ready to pay especially if he asks her out. Making the first move gives the opportunity to find a place for the first date isn´t highly expensive but also doesn´t look cheap or effortless.

zeitgeist057 · Answer

I don't actually care personally about the money, a $5 coffee or a $50 entree isn't going to break me either way. But I do prefer 50/50 because it shows where she's coming from and lets me know that  she  cares or doesn't care about money. If she makes a big deal about "the man pays" or gives off vibes like that, I'll happily pay to never see her again. I am a feminist and all about equality, I am not about objectification of anyone as a sex product or an ATM. The last thing I want to think about when enjoying a meal or other date with someone is money. Either the person sitting across from me is genuine and truly interested in connecting with me as a human being, or they are calculating what they can get out of me; demanding or expecting I pay for their meal is a sign of the latter.

richardcory · Answer

I'll offer to pay, but will split 50/50 if the woman wants to. Nothing sexual is ever "owed" on a date. If I wanted to pay for sex, I'd hire a professional. But I never do that because sex is only fun for me if the woman actively desires me.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Complicated question. If I'm paying for anything, I file it under the paying-for-sex category. The simple solution is usually to most probable answer.

Anonymous · Answer

I learned to always let a guy pay for a first date. When i was new to dating, it didn't feel right to let a guy pay for me, so i always offered to treat them instead, some would insist to pay, but I've met guys who lets me pay and then expect more and more after each date. I didn’t realize what was happening after it all ended and then i learned my lesson. Im always gonna expect for a guy to pay and im going to let him. If we go on more dates, only then will i split or treat him. Im not gonna be anybody’s sugar mommy again lol.

Billlewis · Answer

I absolutely love paying for a woman's dates -- whether the date is with me or some other lucky guy. I know that probably sounds strange but I just love doing that, as many times as possible.

Unit1 · Answer

You got some very weird guys, that you better avoid in the future. I advise you not to draw definite conclusions out of these few weirdos you encountered. Their behavior would unlikely be too different if they were the one's paying completely.

I love 50/50 or splitting the bill or being flexible about it. I abhor the idea, that my purpose "as a man" is being a woman's primary wallet (her secondary wallet being hers).

Apple1996 · Answer

If a man isn't gonna pay for the first date then he ain't worth dating. Would not go out with him again if he expected 50/50

LiamJHayden · Answer

First meetings are usually coffee or tea or something similarly simple, where we can part ways easily if there further interest.

First actual date I usually offer to pay because I usually ask and choose where we go, and I generally have no idea how tight her budget might be.

exitseven · Answer

I always expected to pay for dates. The only time I did not was when I had a long distance relationship and the deal was that whoever paid to fly out to see the other which was usually me did not have to pay for anything else for the whole week.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

I honestly don't care. I find it silly you can't even enjoy the date because you can't agree on who pays or how much one side or the other pays. If she wants to pay her half then fine. If not, I'll pay. She could even plan the date and if I agree to go then I'll pay for us both if she wants. It doesn't bother me. If people gripe over silly small stuff then shit don't get done.

disgustingweebtrash · Answer

"Depends who asked who" is a load of bullshit in reality because women are fully aware they will get asked more for dates but will say this because they know it means the man will pay. Equal rights does not mean equal responsibilities because women are not prepared for that.

Luopio27 · Answer

Check this out: That should answer ya question on payment.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

I prefer to pay on the first date, but some men are different.
I don't think your dating problems had much to do with that though. I could be wrong, but it seems unlikely. Who pays is pretty irrelevant if the date is otherwise going well

madhatters4 · Answer

i don't "like" it but i don't mind. i always offered to pay for the first date (or subsequent dates) but appreciated and respected a woman a bit more if she at least offered to split.

Mac-One · Answer

When I was young and dating it was the tradition for the guy to ask for the date and to pay. That was even the expectation for subsequent dates. I never had a date where she paid including an event that she wanted to attend.

Do men actually like paying for the first date?

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