Girls always make the first move with me... is that a bad thing?

[Anonymous]

Girls absolutely have no problem approaching or asking me out... even when they're strangers or we had just met... now , obviously that's nice lol... an attractive girl coming onto you and making the first move , doesn't get better than this... but the thing is when that happens a lot... it feels unsettling... first of all , I feel like a chick lol... I mean , I should be the one hunting or taking the lead... and secondly... it makes me wonder if they see me as a " soft " guy lol... but when I think about it the girls who like soft guys are pretty masculine or dominant themselves , while the girls I attract are perfectly feminine and girly and sassy... but also on the other hand I get hit on by older girls and... Girls a lot younger than me... that probably means girls don't find me intimidating at all 💀💀... am I overthinking? should I be worried? lol..

[DermalPunch]

This is gold. Proving my point. This is precisely the reason I no longer approach men.

Men don't actually like it all that much and it ruins a chance of the guy actually be comfortable with you.

Every single time I approached first I dealt with insecurity, hot and cold behaviour, mistrust (because if I approached him that'swhat Inmust be doing behind his back), the guy doubting I actually like him because he felt emasculated. Or just viewed as desperate, easy and treated like garbage.

Guys on always say I overreact or I am painting everyone with the same brush. Oh and that "shy" crap.

NOPE. Never ever again

As to why girls approach you. You seem innocent and like you would make a good boyfriend. I. e. not cheat.

[Asker]

That's... that's very true lol... you seem very intelligent... and thanks for the heads up about me being innocent lol... actually a female friend ( who started hitting on me at one point ) told me that she thought I was gonna be super sweet and understanding the first time she saw me.. she also thought I was cute haha... I wasn't really asking why do they approach me but that definitely helped... I'm also surprised how women can just read a guy so well on the first time seeing him !..

[DermalPunch]

Thank. Finally some validation. I don't know why guys are always trying to tell me I am wrong about this.

People can read people well. Guys can read women pretty well but men underestimate women a lot.

[Asker]

Guys on G@g? I wouldn't take them seriously tbh lol... Most guys here are incels or got mommy issues xD... I feel like an alien because I don't subscribe to what it seems to be the trend of our generation 🤷‍♂️

[DermalPunch]

Yeah. I'm a generation older than you but for whatever reason, your generation really seems to like me (and I thought why not let's see what happens) so I've just been really gobsmacked at how ridiculous they act.

[Asker]

Lol sorry about that 😂😅

[Luke03]

this is so wrong.

As a guy, I’d LOVE to be approached by a girl. The vast majority of the guys i know would love that too. The problem is that, whenever a girl approaches me, i always think “That’s too good to be true” and always end up thinking she’s desperate and i was her last choice. Most guys would think the same way: “It can’t be possible” or “She’s drunk/has bad intentions” and so on.

The reality is that lots of guys are tired and exhausted of approaching because “it’s a man’s duty” (heard it by most of my girl friends). This whole “men have to approach” mentality is simply sexist, both towards women (who are depicted as weak and defensive, while not all women are that way) and men (who are depicted as strong and fearless, while not all men are that way)… but i still see SO many girls and women who simply use this exact excuse “men don’t want to be approached” in order not to take any risks and not suffer, while allowing sexist sentences like “it’s a man’s duty” to exist.

And trust me that every thing you experienced while approaching men is exactly what ANY man experiences when he approaches, because the vast majority of men don’t have the luck to be approached by women, ever. I’m not talking about 60% or 70%, but more like 90/95% if not more.

So, stop using excuses. Girls should learn to approach too. The reason why those men weren’t comfortable to be approached is that it’s simply something that doesn’t happen to at least 9 men out of 10. These things SHOULD change thanks to enterprising women, but comments like this one make me lose hope and make me doubt their existence honestly.

[DermalPunch]

@Luke03 I don't need to learn how to approach. I can pick up a man a y day. I have decades of experience with this. It is always the same. If I have started the approach it always is a very bad deal for me. Every. Single. Time. It isn't wrong its100% right.

[Luke03]

have i ever said you can’t approach men?
I don’t care if you can approach a man or not. It’s not the point of my comment.

It’s always a bad deal for you? Ohh, dear… most men experience that every day, but they can’t just sit there and wait for women to approach them… otherwise, they’ll end up alone.

So, what you experience every time you approach a man is something every man experiences too. And by the way, the point of my comment was that those men have probably never been approached by a woman, so it surely feels weird for them. It’d feel weird for me too… I have some girl friends and they usually get approached every time we hang out (they’re surely cute so it doesn’t usually happen to average woman on a daily basis, maybe). Their dms are literally plenty of guys texting them. They simply have way more choice… and that’s why a man feels strange when a woman (who presumably has way more options than the man on socials, dating apps or real life dating) approaches the man.

Hopefully, in some decades, men will be more approached and less surprised by women approaching them. Nowadays, it’s not that way… unluckily.

[DermalPunch]

@Luke03 you misunderstand me. I am looking for a life partner. Men see women who approach them first as wanting to bed them instantly. Easy and lacking in restraint. Men hunt women because they want a shot at sleeping with her. If a woman now takes on this "hinter" role men's thinking is that she wants sex badly. So, they instantly disqualify you as a partner and simply for sex. They feel entitled to it because you took the lead. And when you aren't willing to spread your legs right away they feel pissed and lead on WHY because men want to pursue women who they want a relationship with. A woman who presents herself is seen as worthless to be used and discarded.

[VIVANT]

It’s not about you being wrong or right. Sone guys won’t like it sone will and obviously you do not Ike doing it so you shouldn’t. But for men to assume all this about women bc she asks them out is pretty disgusting and I don’t I understand the attraction towards people with such little respect for women.

Plenty of people get into relationships when the woman Initiates. It is not that men see it one way, it’s that some men are childish and some are not.

There are cultures where this isn't even an sue so it’s not boot nature just outdated misogyny

Anyhow I’m not saying you should ask men out in just saying there is a whole worried out there he’s diff strokes for diff folks 😊

[DermalPunch]

@VIVANT I would have no issue asking a dude out. As I said, I proposed to a man before. Actually more than once. Really really really. Men don't view women they haven't chased as valuable. This is why you see them falling all over themselves for toxic women and treating the actual good women like worthless trash.

I do believe it is misogyny. They want good women but then when they get one they make sure they do everything they can to push them away.

[Anonymous]

Shit I have a make a first move on the guy I like. It seems like he’s interested in me but doesn’t make a move at all. I don’t think there is a girlfriend as I don’t see one, but it’s like why don’t you ask me out already? Shit it seemed like his coworker was trying to set us up one time. I think he picked up on us flirting one time when it was just us three. I just don’t know how to approach him and ask him out. I don’t want to make it awkward. But if girls are like this what do you do if I may ask? You’re around the same age as the guy I like so I’m just wondering if you say yes or you say no. Do I even have a chance if I do ask him out?

[Asker]

When girls approach me they just strike up a conversation while occasionally smiling and maintaining strong eye contact... so my advice would be just know how to start a conversation and be confident... will he say yes? from what you said it seems like there's some kind of a mutual crush... I'd say trust your feelings... if you get the right vibes from him... go for it !

[Opinion Owner]

Okay thanks! Yeah I’ll have to do it in person as we don’t text each other. I can be confident but a little shy at the same time. I know when I saw him last we both smiled at each other but we both didn’t make strong eye contact, but like I said he was in a rush to start work. But I do make him nervous from time to time. But thanks so much for the advice! Really helps me out! Fingers crossed and thanks again!

[Asker]

Good luck 👍👍

[Truthatanycost]

Let me ask you something. Would you still be interested in the same guy if he kept on walking around you smiling but not saying anything? Or stroking his hair in your direction with heavy eye contact hoping you'd come in closer? Or maybe subtlety showing off his physique around you hoping you'd strike up conversation?

[Opinion Owner]

@Truthatanycost most guys don’t get the hints from women. So by me just asking the question then at least I’m putting myself out there and if he isn’t then well at least I know I tried. I did it once before I’m not afraid of doing it again. Trust me. But why you asking that question? I mean body language can be a hint on rather or not they like you. His body language says something, but again he’s a bad texter. Most guys are that way as well. Can’t fault any of them for that.

[Truthatanycost]

I asked that question because of the different body language men and women have. When I've been approached by women, it seemed challenging for them to maintain a feminine frame Vs the ones who signaled interest in an attempt to invite me into their space.

But what you said is true, most men don't pick up on signs. I notice the most minute signals even ones that last a fraction of a second.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I totally agree with you on that. But I’ve seen it where he’s interested but just possibly shy to ask or even thinks a girl has a boyfriend. I think that’s the whole case. I mean being hurt in the past can suck. I’ve been there so but we both agree about body language and signals.

[Anonymous]

Women only approach me if I give them some kind of a signal for the most part. You being approached that many times suggests they aren't nervous around you, or do not think you're above their league so feel comfortable approaching. I don't think it feels natural for women to approach and most of them that do so, have no idea how to... but why would they? Most guys 'practice' to get 'good' at approaching and it is in their nature. It is not in a woman's nature to approach because feminine energy invites, and masculine energy seeks for the most part. Now being pursued is slightly different. Masculine energy can cause the feminine to pursue but that's not the same as approach.

[Asker]

Hmmm interesting... but yeah they're not nervous about it... and they're like ten times more confident about it than guys lol... They're not approaching thinking does he like me or not but kinda flaunting themselves and thinking he's probably gonna say yes... not really thinking about rejection... a lot of the girls that I turned down were mean to me after I ignored then... they gave me really disgusting looks like you're not man enough and I was wrong about you lol... but I think it's fair for women to approach... Just like guys... they can get attracted first and they have no option but approaching to get the guy's attention... almost all the women I know who are in good marriages approached their guy first !

[D_Bone_Steak]

You too huh? Yeah... I pick up chicks just by being there. My wife hates it. Married for 15 years and she's had to deal with having a man that gets randomly kissed and his junk grabbed all the time. Black chicks start shit with her because they're jealous of her Asian ass... and I'm white.

It is what it is. Some of us are just born with it and the other guys have to learn how to be salesman trying to sell their own wiener to chicks.

[Asker]

Thank God I thought every single guy on G@g was rizzless 😂😂

[AliciaLee]

I think your overthinking. If a girl likes you it has nothing to do with you being less masculine. You will always be you. But the girls probably find you easy to talk to. Your personality is very open minded and you're may be very understanding and non judemental. And that's why women could feel comfortable asking you out because your approachable.

[Asker]

Love this !

[AliciaLee]

Glad it helps, good luck out there!

[VIVANT]

They probably just find you attractive and approachable, it really isn’t weird at all. We’re all human first and think about it—you probably would not want to be prey?

I think an important distinction in women vs men initiating, is women generally are not thinking of guys as prey, they are just asking a guy out that they Iike. Whereas, guys are given weird advice that they are hunters & women are the catch.. so there is more uncomfortable pressure to it. From my side. in my opinion

I find it way more low key to ask a guy out than to be asked out and it’s not bc I think he’s weak, I just see us both as human and I don’t like surprises so I do it myself.

[Glyn54]

WTF. If girls ask you out then they must WANT to go out with you. Why are you trying to complicate the matter? I will (almost) always go out with a woman who WANTS to go out with me (at least once) to find out whether we have things in common etc. If she already WANTS to go out with you - you've already got your "foot in the door" and possibly on the way to a relationship.
It is just stupid to think that it's your job to do the hunting. It may tend to work out that way because of the unfortunate way women are conditioned to not be a slut etc but, in an ideal world, women should be the "asker" 50% of the time.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've had a lot of first moves put on me. I don't mind it. I'm sure they don't think i'm a soft guy or they wouldn't be talking to me, based on who I'm attracting and when. I think it's flattering, especially if it's coming from a woman of caliber. Yes you're overthinking.

[Asker]

👌👍👍

[Guccigabbana18]

No, it usually means that you seem like a friendly, approachable guy. It's good that they're not intimidated- it means you're nice. It could also mean that you're very attractive (I've seen it in real life: very attractive guys have girls making the first move on them all the time, and they can be quite aggressive with it.)

[Asker]

Yes ... my female friend told me i seemed nice and sweet before getting to know me... also most of my best guy friends told me I look easy going and give chill vibes... maybe it's for the good reasons !.. still kinda weird tho getting asked out a lot as a guy...

[inhua]

no this wouldn't be a bad thing

relationships work better when the woman loves the man more than the man loves the woman. if she approaches you first, she's less likely to dump you because she's the one who made the investment and choice of commitment thus it would be a waste

[WanderingLoveWizard]

You're right, they're not intimidated by you, but who cares?
Obviously something about you is attractive and it makes your life a lot easier. So try not to overthink it and enjoy it

[Asker]

That's a nice way to look at it 😄👍

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Ya bud

[anon1903]

You should thank your stars. Guys would love to be you.

yes, for the love of Jesus, you're overthinking this

[Asker]

I do overthink a lot... I'm such an OCD person 😭

[anon1903]

Yeah, time to change that

[strateguy632]

you should be worried if it repeats like that, and between those events why are "you not the one hunting or taking the lead." something is off. look inside yourself.

[Asker]

Hmmm...

[Billlewis]

There's nothing wrong with the woman making the first move, and you have a better chance of success when she's in the driver's seat.

[Asker]

Hmm... interesting... sometimes that's very true

[LiamJHayden]

Whatever works. In a lot of situations in which guys think they are making the first move the girl has already sent out multiple signals to him.

[Asker]

So true lol

[VIVANT]

That’s definitely true lol

[KaDooKan]

contrary to belief

a woman that pursues = a strong relationship

a man that pursues = a weak relationship

the woman ultimately controls the relationship as she controls access to sex

more often than not a woman will ghost/leave the relationship when the man is too persistent

[Staximus]

I wish I had that problem. That only happens to me with really drunk girls. I tell them come back and see me if you remember me when you wake up.

[Asker]

Lol 😄

[baddabing]

You must be very good looking! It's definitely a good thing

[Asker]

No just good looking... not very... rizz is very real lol

[AviatorTom]

Not at all, you lucky SOB.

[Asker]

😂😂

[CoolCatMar1]

I have approached some guys first and now they look unattractive to me I don't know if it's true about the asker as well but who knows maybe he is attractive I have not seen his fave

[CoolCatMar1]

Face

[VIVANT]

@CoolCatMar1

I find it very attractive when I ask a guy and he doesn’t freaks out about it. Just answers based on if yes interested or not

What counts is how everyone acts while getting to know who other. I don’t really do not understand why anyone care about who Initiates it lol

[Massageman]

Just about what I was thinking - - - - - -

[CoolCatMar1]

@VIVANT i understand you

[Sasha0426]

This is like almost every guy’s dream and you’re living their dream. There’s tons of guys who want women to approach them.

[Asker]

Yeah I see guys preaching about it a lot... like I said it's kinda unsettling.. and FYI , guys keep saying they won't women to approach more.. and when they do , guys actually turn them down or take them for granted because they think a woman who pursue a guy must be easy or something wrong with her... it's toxic but very real lol

[Asker]

Want *

[Sasha0426]

Either that or they reject them because women reject men all the time. Or they only want certain women to approach them.

[Asker]

Exactly !

[Sasha0426]

That’s my guess. It’s very hard to read men. In my experience, they showed distaste for me. That’s why I never approach men.

[Sasha0426]

Not knowing what they think or feel about me scares the living shit out of me. I always assume it’s something bad.

[Asker]

I get your frustration... but you would be surprised if you had a guy's mind... we're much simpler than we look lol... I do think you should be scared... when a girl shows she's really interested in a guy or when they're in a relationship together and she gives it her all.. and the guy realizes that he has won her heart.. Sadly most guys would take her for granted... Just use her and when she's helpless enough they'll start pursuing other girls lol... the more I grow up the more I understand when women say good guys are hard to find... I mean from all the guys I know... only one dude who's not loser and treats his girl right... seriously good luck 😅👍

[DermalPunch]

Oh see. Guys keep telling me men don't think like this but yes, this is how they view women whonapproach. Those same guys are too afraid tp apparoach a woman.

[VIVANT]

@asker

“ guys are simple they will use you up if you genuinely care”

That’s NOT simple lol that is not what a simple person looks like that’s what a sociopath looks like. Maybe you need new friends 😅

[Asker]

@VIVANT 😂😂😂... I'm just giving you the truth... based on my statistics lol

[DermalPunch]

@Asker @VIVANT I've learned this the hard. Most men the minute they relaise you genuinely care they start taking you for granted. Instantly.

[SolitarySolace]

Better than the other way around. Good way to refrain from false accusations

[Asker]

Woah... false accusations? I don't think that's a problem with regular people lol

[SolitarySolace]

It happened to me. If it happened to me it can happen to anyone

[Asker]

Dayuumn !!

[sheenagwapa]

in my country women are the one being pursued. i would never ask a gut out locally or internationally lol. i do fantasize of wantinh a male evrn just for a day because i get curious.

[bingbongbangbung]

You must be really hot to them because most women will always want the man to take the lead

[Asker]

I'm not hot or even tall... I'm like a 7 on looks.. most people call me handsome tho... I don't think you have to be hot to get attractive girls... I swear rizz is real lol

[bingbongbangbung]

What do you look like then? I get checked out by teen girls sometimes even though I'm average looking. But I heavily suspect it's because they're into KPop and KDrama so they fetishize me. by the way the chick in the profile pic isn't me

[Asker]

Obviously you're not the chick in your profile pic lol... I'm not a pretty boy... my face is kinda rugged... I get catcalled by teen girls too lol I think it's because I got swag... yeah like I said you don't have to be a really good looking dude to get a lot of female attention... I think girls care more about the vibe and stuff... but being handsome would definitely it easier of course

[bingbongbangbung]

Some teen girls don't even try to hide that they're checking me out

[Asker]

Yeah it can be very awkward lol

[bingbongbangbung]

I don't know what vibes I'm giving off because I don't flirt with anyone ever since my last romantic interest way back in 2019

[Asker]

Lol same... I'm not good at socializing and I'm always quiet and by myself... this proves my theory that girls really dig the lone wolf mysterious type of guy !

[molonski2]

Nothing wrong with that , its a massive positive , as long as you get the women you desire. Otherwise you are selling yourself short.