Why do women pick men who put them through a rollercoaster of emotions on a weekly basis instead of the guy who is stable and consistent?

Question

"Not all women" there you don't have to say it now lol

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

I really believe there's a lot of reasons
When a daughter watches a mother be verbally and physically abused growing up she doesn't know any better she thinks that's the norm

And so then you have a mother that has not taught her daughter that it is wrong for all this to be happening

And then you have a father who loves his daughter and gives her love and respect and treats her good

She doesn't know any better and she thinks that's the norm
So she's looking for the bad boy because she thinks he's going to be just like her daddy

And then you have girls or women that have been in that same type of relationship with a guy that was supposed to be okay

So then the girl goes after the bad bad boy thinking that he's going to love her and protect her so nothing ever happens to her and this is the same vicious cycle
If you're going to have a child you're going to be a parent you want that child to become better than you

They are an empty shell they know nothing so everything that they see and hear and feel is the way they think life should be because that's their life

Parents must understand every breath that you take every word that you say whether it's with your mouth your eyes your body your kids are going to pick up on it
So now they become both parents because of their actions and who they are

If a mom and a dad argue fight verbally physically it doesn't matter how

That's what you're teaching your kid
If a wife or mother just keeps taking the abuse and taking the abuse that's who that child is going to become

If you are a parent and you want your child to become the best it can become you have to teach it to become the best it can become and that's why not doing or saying things in front of them that are going to teach them or guide them not unless it's a positive

Two parents arguing the mother needs to be able to teach her daughter her strengths her wisdom how she deals with the things after that happens because that's who the girls going to become if a man teaches his son how to yell at his mother he's going to hate his mother for not sticking up for herself he's going to become just like the father because that's all he knows

For any mother that's being abused you need to be able to teach your daughter it's not okay to be abused it's not okay to just let things happen you have to stand up for yourself you have to get yourself out of the situation you have to be smart on how you deal with things you teach your daughter it's wrong all abuse is wrong

Otherwise your teenage daughters are going to go after the wrong men for the wrong reasons because that's what they were taught that's who they were taught to be and it's a vicious cycle whether it's for the boys or the girls it's a vicious ugly cycle

WhiteBoyChill · Accepted Answer

A fair question. I suppose its because the unpredictable guys are exciting to them whereas the predictable ones are “boring and no fun”.

Also part of what women also like to do is believe they have the power to change a man. If a guy already has it together, then there’s no challenge for them

BlackBeauty90 · Accepted Answer

Because 90% of them come from broken households.

Statistically this mentality is found more heavily in the less educated lowest ranks of society where welfare, drug abuse, alcholism etc is typical and by proxy they weren't raised to know such isn't acceptable. They grow up around their partners drama - "parents" that never should've reproduced together - and think that's a relationship.

They grew up seeing mom put up with this nonsense and they think it's acceptable. More often than not "dad" was a douchebag who didn't give a shit about them or mom but to appease their weak / poor esteem gave them money to shut them the hell up.

What I'm saying is blunt but reality.

Average woman who behaves like this is usually weak willed, low self respect / esteem, and all around raised to think garbage is acceptable rather than wanting better.

Has NOTHING to do with wanting to "fix" the guy.

If women really had an urge or an ability to fix things they'd stay the fucking hell away from men like this because all they're doing is screwing up THEIR lives and almost always damning their kids to a shitty life.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

Excitement. Drama. Curiosity. Insecurity.

Women have a weird- excuse me.

Some women have a weird tendency to subconsciously desire the monsters of the world to be nice to them only and “spare” them so to speak- like ‘Where The Wild Things Are.’

Except- that’s just not how it works, and when someone is stable- that doesn’t have to be boring, it just means more control to enjoy a variety of activities and such.

I believe that’s ultimately why they settle or choose men who aren’t worth their time of day.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

So rabbi Akiva Tatz said in old times women would put honey on bread so the child will eat the bread but some people lick the honey and throw the bread away. I think that is it. People focus on the stimulus that nature designed to attract people to marriage, and not on the marriage itself that is the whole purpose of people born with sexual desire or attraction. A relationship is not meant to worship beauty and income, those things are magnets that increase the chances people will choose to get married and bond with others. Its like when an employer offers somebody a bonus to snatch a worker away from another employer who wants to hire him, the employer does not care about the bonus, the employer cares about the labour the employee is using and the bonus is just an incentive but if the employee accepts the bonus and does not do the work, he gets accused of fraud and gets legally forced to repay his debt.

Avicenna · Answer

1. They think that they can change the guy 2. They like his looks a lot 3. They go for the first guy who shows interest 4. They think he has potential 5. They think he'll spend lots of money on them

ManOnFire · Answer

Because "they love them" and think these men are the definition of manliness and assertiveness.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because most women have hormonal issues as well that make her emotions all over the place like a rollercoaster ride from hell. Most girls’ need drama in their lives they need the gossip and to feel that they are part of something , Most girl’s will talk on the phone for hours with her girlfriends gossiping and digging dirt about others , Girls need that shit i their lives or she will be bored , A girl usually wants opposite of what she already has , so for a guy to keep a girl by his side , he pretty much has to balance between good guy and bad guy , or she will start losing interest in him , and start nagging at him and criticizing him and belittling him , using sex as a weapon to get her way , making him feel that he is wrong and she is right , she will start comparing him to other men and find every flaw she can find on him to make herself feel like she is a victim , when really she is a selfish pos that only cares about herself , When a girl stops prioritizing you and starts prioritizing her friends over you , you are best to kick her to the curb where she belongs and find yourself a girl that prioritizes you over her friends or best of all just remain single, Most girls today are very selfish people that only really care about themselves , they fill their heads with constant nonsense off of social media or constant nonsense they hear from their toxic girlfriends , Save yourself heart break man and do not give your heart completely to a girl that doesn’t make you her top priority , I don’t care how beautiful she is or how good she is in bed , she will eat you alive and play a victim when things don’t go her way , she will make excuses and point fingers at you for her selfish behavior,, when a girl says she needs space , she needs space from you , so she can go spread her legs to some other guy that she feels is more of a man and has more of his shit together so she thinks , so stringing you along to make sure this new guy is going to sweep her off of her feet or just using her for a piece of ass , keeping you on the back burner if things don’t go her way , in the meantime making you feel like you are worthless and that nothing you do is good enough , My advice is do not be a sitting duck to a girl that doesn’t make you her top priority , She is clearly whoring around trying to play sweet and innocent when really she is the POS whore. I have hooked up with married women and girls that were already in relationships that lied to me that they were single , Most girls’ do not know how to commit in a relationship , if she feels you don’t trust her she will make excuses for her actions , by trying to play a victim , that you are in the wrong and she is in the right , A girl that values you and appreciates you is going to respect you and put herself in your shoes , not the other way around , Realize your value and your worth , there are plenty of girls out there that want a man that stays loyal and loving they are just harder to find these days sadly , I no longer jump into relationships with girls clearly for these reasonings , You need a girl that looks up to you not a girl that compares you and looks down at you period ,

magiusX26 · Answer

an old psychological study showed tgat women want a guy they can mold/fix so contrary to what most say they want, they pick the "bad boy" as a sort of project in hopes of "fixing him / molding him" into a normal guy. this also goes into why if such a guy does change his ways, many women leave and start all over. then there is the perceived excitment level comparission between the badboy types and good guy types. often the badboy is thought to be more exciting (usually temporary sort of like a carnival ride/roller coaster but also addictive for that emotional thrill) often from the chaotic nature and danger (perceived or real) they provide. where as the good guys' traits that make him stable (a staple of being a good guy) are seen as boring, yet this is one of the most common traits claimed to be desired by women yet also most often what they choose the exact opposite of. hey ladies, this is a bigger part of why more men do not listen to you when you say you want certain traits in a guy, you all's actions show what you say is not what you actually mean. this is also a part of that "wall" talked about. it is often later on in years that most women have historically learned to match their actions eith the words they use, often a bit too late. thinking about it like that, younger women's partner choices come across as an early onset midlife crisis in a sense. there are other components of course such as something about self humbling, but these 1st 2 i mentioned i think merit a large enough portion of the why.

CubsterShura · Answer

Because we are taught from a young age to romanticize toxic behavior from men. Guy in school bullies you? He must really like you! Dad is emotionally distant? He is just bad at showing how much love he has for you. Boyfriend acts possessive? He wants you so badly. Neighbor is stalking you? He just cannot get enough of you.

We need to stop teaching girls that toxic behavior is an expression of love and should be considered flattering.

Women are taught to find men who can protect them but they are not taught what comes before that: to ensure that they are safe from him first.

ventustalks · Answer

Thr gender roles that are put on women make them think that they can fix this guy and they MUST do it. This is how we were raised and it is so hard to acknowledge this hurtful truth about society. The problem is not girls choosing unavaliable men, the problem is the system creating emotionally unavaliable men and women who will be willing to lose their mentality for such men. We are "ought to" fix those guys. Still, this is not how it always works. One may choose the good guy for, again, societal roles as being a a good man's wife is another thing. I am purely looking from the society's perspective. There are lots of other points that can be commited to this problem.

Anonymous · Answer

I've been in a few relationships, ones where I've treated my partner like shit and others where my partners have treated me like shit. its definitely not all women BUT if you notice, people who complain about their relationships are often the ones who are in toxic ones.

I've let go a few of toxic relationships, and the only one that i really wanted to stay with was with a guy i figured was my soulmate. im single now, so that obviously hasn't worked out.

i feel that some people that stay in toxic relationships do so because they believe that person is their soulmate. someone who gets you in personality, and life. someone who you think is worth fighting for but isn't.

nowdays its normal for men and women to stay with shitty people because tbh, thats their “better half”. its like when people post for divorce advice. happy people dont post their relationship problems bc there are none, and toxic people do. so we see those in more frequency.

Mamaliv · Answer

Narcissism, at first they come off as great doing and saying all the right things convincing you that your the one. Soon your caught in their web of lies, you try to leave but your being told they’ll get better, they threaten their life, they can’t survive with out you…. This is the rollercoaster, and women who’ve never felt like enough will stay because they’ve convinced her no one will love her like he does. She doesn’t want to hurt him, so she tries and tries again. Putting on a happy so in love face around everyone else but miserable inside. It’s abuse and it’s hard to walk away from, eventually some learn boundaries and get out of it. Don’t judge her though if she’s sticking around, maybe offer her some kind words. Help her to see that she isn’t stuck.

TheWolfLady87 · Answer

Because they grew up watching mom doing this. They learnt from their parents BAD relationships full of drama, etc.

Nothing else.

It's a case of "monkey see, monkey do" the same driving factors as why criminals, drug addicts, alcholics, abusive people, etc... 9 out of 10 times come from households with criminal activity, drug / substance abuse issues, abusive backgrounds, etc.

.

Some women will say they want to "fix" this guy however HOW are they fixing him by enabling his behavior? Which is exactly what they do by putting up with the abusive nature rather than saying - hey look, you want me you better smarten the hell up.

Their argument but "he's broken" and "I can fix him" when they let him walk all over them... is like giving a drunk $20 and saying you're "fixing" them. And just as stupid.

Anonymous · Answer

Quite simply she don't know any better. Women who pick these types of men generally didn't have very strong male role models in thier formative years. As a result these women typically have no clue as to what a quality man looks and acts like. So they fall back on thier feelings. And to these types of women they cannot discern cockiness from confidence. So they generally fall for the cocky douchebag with no character. Since women dbl down on choices, even bad ones. It might take her a while to figure out she's been had. And if she's the type that doesn't learn very fast she'll repeat this mistake few times before she realizes what she's doing wrong. And sadly, there are some women who NEVER learn. Eventually she'll just decide she has the worst luck in the world rather take responsibility for her shortcomings and she'll go to her grave cold and bitter lamenting this.

blueonblack22 · Answer

As foolish and ridiculous it is many women chase men who are like this, I actually don’t have a problem with them making stupid choices.  However what I have a much deeper problem about is how women want to look for shoulders to cry on when it was their stupid decision to begin with.  Especially if it they made this bad choice more than once.

xutumx · Answer

Some girls, & guys like the rush and instable relationship because the highs are high and the lows means the highs feel better. When a mature girl likes a mature guy, it’s stable and to some people boring. Real relationships that are good are comfortable and can be ‘boring’ when there’s not tons or fighting and make up sex

Hermitess · Answer

I can’t speak for every woman, but for me, I think it’s because I feel like I don’t deserve a man that treats me well. I hate myself and feel like I have no value, so why should I be treated nicely by a man? Also, there are some guys who go overboard with their “affection” to where it just seems kind of smothering. So I think the ideal situation is to be a little bit of both sides, naughty and nice.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Because it’s exciting. My friends wife divorced him after 8 years with a $150-200k/yr paycheck because he was boring, wrapped up in his small business and she “didn’t feel anything anymore”. A week later she was sheltering her jobless bum of an abusive ex from high school who has a warrant out for his arrest.

Anonymous · Answer

Is it the men who put them thou a roller-coaster or the woman who creates a roller-coaster?

Most men are fairly stable, forgiving and mellow, this stands in contrasts with a lot of women who are insecure, emotional, and drama-queens from a young age.

As such it is FAR more likely that the woman is the cause of the drama than the man.

Anpu23 · Answer

It's actually pretty simple coach. Some women, and men for that matter, actually thrive on the dramma. It's that they like to play the victim and get all caught up in the game.

Staximus · Answer

Because they think they need that uncertainty and drama bullshit in their life, they think they "need a challenge", they don't value a man who is a sure thing because they didn't have to work for his affection. Maybe also they grew up seeing their mom being treated like that and that's what the subconsciously seek out

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

I agree with @Rosexøxø it is the "I agree witth @Rosexøxø it is the "Excitement. Drama. Curiosity. Insecurity."

but unfortunately since women operate on their feeling and emotions more often then they obviously lack the ability to comprehend that there are consequences to the things above.

jeffend888 · Answer

They do this from their teen years up until about their mid 20s.

Then they pull their heads out of their collective asses because all of their friends are starting to settle down, their biological clock is ticking and they realize that what their family thinks actually matters and that they have to eliminate chaos in order to have a successful life.

It's the natural order of things.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

Women love drama  it’s like crack for them  Ever heard of bad girls Club?  they put 6 to 8 women in a house with cameras , no phones and they just scream and beat the hell out of each other

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know but personally being in a relationship with one “stable and consistent” guy meant being with someone who i never felt like he really liked me enough. There was something missing and eventually I realized he was probably just settling for me. I never regretted letting that guy go. After him, i met the guy who put me through the rollercoaster of emotions.. and it was worth every tear, every heartbreak, every sadness, because it was nothing compared to how happy he made me. How hard i fell in love. Bottom line, guy “b” liked me way more than guy “a” did. Yes he’s hurt me, but he also did so much for me and loved me the way i always wanted. Id pick rollercoaster emotions over stable and consistent any time if it means i get to experience what i had with guy “b” again. I doubt id love someone like that again though, but yeah. Thats my experience, I don't know why other women pick that too.

Billlewis · Answer

Presumably because as it is with men, many women like the challenge of an unpredictable guy.

Anonymous · Answer

I know why they do that-because they're emotion based, not logic based. My question to them is... have any of them heard what Theroux's definition of insanity is? Because your second type of guy is ONLY a LAST OPTION after at LEAST a dozen years of them self sabotaging... and only because the hot young guys don't want them at that point. So basically until they're at least mid 30's... do they know that they literally fit the definition of insane? Because that's exactly what they do... the same type over and over and over and over and over... and swear that THIS one will be different. It's not just that they pick those guys either... they're the only ones they even show any BASIC PUBLIC COURTESY to. If actions indeed do speak louder than words-which our gender is taught early on... then the roar is deafening.

Chthou95 · Answer

Because women love the drama. They will deny it and say otherwise but their minds say otherwise. Women are full of drama themselves so when a man comes with drama, it just makes her more interested because she's found a man who can handle her and challenge her at her own bullshit. She'll cry and bitch about this guy but deep down still get turned on by him

alice55 · Answer

stable and consistent is not interesting to women up until they decide they want to get married and have a stable serious relationship. When they're young and want to have fun they do not find them attractive. They don't want to settle (as majority of guys).

Though when you want something serious trying to find a stable and consistent guys is quite a challenge.

lightbulb27 · Answer

ha... it's because it aligns with their sub conscious view of themselves and their view of "love".

I know one, it's a mess... she chooses a mess over easy. it's tough fighting the sub conscious mind. Until the inner wounds are resolved, they sub conscious mind will seek out what it needs, which in essence, creates pain so that they can heal.

something like that...

Anemone978 · Answer

It could be you fell in love with an idiot.. they lie until you love them then they start with the games and BS.. or at least that was me... but I only stayed for a year of that.. then I left, because I knew he didn't love me even though he constantly lied that he did... His actions proved his words meant nothing.

Screenwriter · Answer

Women often repeat what they experience in their homes of origin. If a woman doesn't have a loving, stable father who values and supports her at home, as well as supports and values her mother, she may learn men are unreliable and that drama between men and women is the norm.

Alli39 · Answer

They don't realize what's going on, they're acting in response to their personal insecurities/emotional issues, they're dramatic people in general, etc. I think mostly it's just that people don't really know better if that makes sense? Like, especially if the dude is like emotionally abusive, that can be really hard to identify and address. (Same answer if you reverse the genders by the way.)

DizzyDesii · Answer

I would only put up with it when it started after feeling like i loved him. Thats when i tolerated more bs. If he pulled that crap within the first few weeks or months of knowing eachother, i would’ve been bounced. But most dont show that side until anywhere from 6+ months in

Senator754 · Answer

Men do the same thing. What makes you think only men do this? My advice via personal experience is you may not be attracting the best person for you. It is a choice. For me, it’s best I stay away from people like this to avoid emotional trauma.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Possibly because that is the environment that they were raised in so it seems normal to them.

The other reason is because deep down inside they don't think that they deserve anything good happening to them, so they seek out that type of behavior patterns.

That way it all feels right.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because that´s the guys they are attracted to. The guys that are mentally stable either are taken or don´t seem interested in a relationship with them.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Reading some comments on this post gives us another insight why so many men on this site are single. Seriously clueless.

SassyAussieAddy · Answer

I see so many women I know make the same mistakes. I have done it in the past but learned my lessons.

Anonymous · Answer

So you're saying there are no women in healthy and stable relationships and that they all have emotional traumas?

Sharkstealth · Answer

Women will choose the greatest scumbags in history as long as they make all the moves. If comfortable they can't resist it. If a stranger or scared they will resist but otherwise it doesn't matter.

Anonymous · Answer

Consider the 2 things that make a woman unhappy are as follows:

1) Getting what she wants.

2) Not getting what she wants.

Thus in order to have some semblance of happiness a man needs to give her a ride that has the illusion of no beginning and no end.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Typically there's unsolved trauma usually from childhood where these type of women feel attracted to hurt and pain and negativity in their lives.

They need emotional help to get healing from their past hurts to realize that such negativity isn't healthy.

MikeyObrien · Answer

They were never taught by a positive male role model what a healthy relationship is. So now they're completely uninterested in normal guys. In fact if you ever date a girl with a domestic abuse past she'll likely start drama just to try and egg you on because non abusive men bore her now. That's also because most domestic abuse cases have both people abusing each other, so she's probably attracting abusers because she herself abuses men.
Those are a few reasons.

inhua · Answer

feelings, emotions and instincts > intelligence, logic and rationale

RoseySarah · Answer

Some can't help it I wish they would and some love the ups and downs!

anna180 · Answer

because they have never met a nice man so they think men are all like that

Yannishka · Answer

I don't even like actual roller coasters. I go for Mr. Consistent

Minahh · Answer

Trauma. Their father was inconsistent and unstable so they're just continuing the cycle. Healthy people won't tolerate such behavior.

red324 · Answer

It's all they know and they get bored when they're with a guy who treats them good and doesn't get upset at them for this and that.

AaronKrieger · Answer

No one wants to be with someone who bores them. It is not about being toxic, but just finding someone you have chemistry with and change things up once in a while. Don't be a suckup and have fun.

Rangers · Answer

That's a strong indicator that the woman in question isn't quite a woman yet, but still a girl, a child at that who likes to cause drama and stir the pot cause it's "fun and interesting"

Avoid them like the plague

rienna888 · Answer

because we’re animals who go for the best and the best mate usually has many people picking them, so they will be emotionally unavailable. Hence the confusion. They’re also choosing the best mate themselves or have many options to choose from.

LazerBean · Answer

Usually because their fathers were no better men, and that is where most of us get our standards from.

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

women and drama better love story than twilight.

fantasticass · Answer

They like the drama that comes with it. They are usually insecure within themselves. It's a vicious cycle. It's a form of abuse/addiction

Dan_5001 · Answer

Because they're trigger the women sexual attraction and women love that. So they ignore that aspect straighten away untill something like that occurs.

Reorx · Answer

Usually woman like this have daddy issues & grew up in an unstable environment. They may of even experienced some or many forms of trauma. They're a product of a dysfunctional environment as the mental patterns imprinted prove.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

It's a challenge? I guess some women like being put through the ringer.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

All those asshole men were once extremely nice, sweet, loving…

Hinaaaaa · Answer

Such women must be reading dark Romance Novels lol

DiegoO · Answer

Because we date who resemble mostly our parents; although, I think women's have this angel complex. They think they can change the guy they like.

sheenagwapa · Answer

women who are afraid to be alone will be fine being a puppet or if a woman is using you

Why do women pick men who put them through a rollercoaster of emotions on a weekly basis instead of the guy who is stable and consistent?

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