Why do women pick men who put them through a rollercoaster of emotions on a weekly basis instead of the guy who is stable and consistent?

[coachTanthony]

"Not all women" there you don't have to say it now lol

[ohsheeT]

I really believe there's a lot of reasons
When a daughter watches a mother be verbally and physically abused growing up she doesn't know any better she thinks that's the norm

And so then you have a mother that has not taught her daughter that it is wrong for all this to be happening

And then you have a father who loves his daughter and gives her love and respect and treats her good

She doesn't know any better and she thinks that's the norm
So she's looking for the bad boy because she thinks he's going to be just like her daddy

And then you have girls or women that have been in that same type of relationship with a guy that was supposed to be okay

So then the girl goes after the bad bad boy thinking that he's going to love her and protect her so nothing ever happens to her and this is the same vicious cycle
If you're going to have a child you're going to be a parent you want that child to become better than you

They are an empty shell they know nothing so everything that they see and hear and feel is the way they think life should be because that's their life

Parents must understand every breath that you take every word that you say whether it's with your mouth your eyes your body your kids are going to pick up on it
So now they become both parents because of their actions and who they are

If a mom and a dad argue fight verbally physically it doesn't matter how

That's what you're teaching your kid
If a wife or mother just keeps taking the abuse and taking the abuse that's who that child is going to become

If you are a parent and you want your child to become the best it can become you have to teach it to become the best it can become and that's why not doing or saying things in front of them that are going to teach them or guide them not unless it's a positive

Two parents arguing the mother needs to be able to teach her daughter her strengths her wisdom how she deals with the things after that happens because that's who the girls going to become if a man teaches his son how to yell at his mother he's going to hate his mother for not sticking up for herself he's going to become just like the father because that's all he knows

For any mother that's being abused you need to be able to teach your daughter it's not okay to be abused it's not okay to just let things happen you have to stand up for yourself you have to get yourself out of the situation you have to be smart on how you deal with things you teach your daughter it's wrong all abuse is wrong

Otherwise your teenage daughters are going to go after the wrong men for the wrong reasons because that's what they were taught that's who they were taught to be and it's a vicious cycle whether it's for the boys or the girls it's a vicious ugly cycle

[WhiteBoyChill]

A fair question. I suppose its because the unpredictable guys are exciting to them whereas the predictable ones are “boring and no fun”.

Also part of what women also like to do is believe they have the power to change a man. If a guy already has it together, then there’s no challenge for them

[BlackBeauty90]

Because 90% of them come from broken households.

Statistically this mentality is found more heavily in the less educated lowest ranks of society where welfare, drug abuse, alcholism etc is typical and by proxy they weren't raised to know such isn't acceptable. They grow up around their partners drama - "parents" that never should've reproduced together - and think that's a relationship.

They grew up seeing mom put up with this nonsense and they think it's acceptable. More often than not "dad" was a douchebag who didn't give a shit about them or mom but to appease their weak / poor esteem gave them money to shut them the hell up.

What I'm saying is blunt but reality.

Average woman who behaves like this is usually weak willed, low self respect / esteem, and all around raised to think garbage is acceptable rather than wanting better.

Has NOTHING to do with wanting to "fix" the guy.

If women really had an urge or an ability to fix things they'd stay the fucking hell away from men like this because all they're doing is screwing up THEIR lives and almost always damning their kids to a shitty life.

[Rosexøxø]

Excitement. Drama. Curiosity. Insecurity.

Women have a weird- excuse me.

Some women have a weird tendency to subconsciously desire the monsters of the world to be nice to them only and “spare” them so to speak- like ‘Where The Wild Things Are.’

Except- that’s just not how it works, and when someone is stable- that doesn’t have to be boring, it just means more control to enjoy a variety of activities and such.

I believe that’s ultimately why they settle or choose men who aren’t worth their time of day.

[TheorionMage]

Many young girl's 'worldview' are shaped by the 'clever' minds of the writers of soap operas... where 'drama' and glamour are promoted to fuel viewership by impressionable bored females. They then compare their mundane 'plain vanilla' lives and feel they're 'missing' the pseudo-emotional roller coaster and search out real world hazardous exploitive bully boys---

[Rosexøxø]

@TheorionMage agreed partially just because 🐒

Also

Their world view wouldn’t matter per say

As well as any of the bs

People and politicians and tmz and you and me talk about

If we all just loved our gosh Dalmatian lives lol

:3

Women look for the “excitement” because they barely live out there. Luckily that’s changing.

And hopefully it continues to change. For the better.

Balance is always an option as well

[jennifer_bloom]

So rabbi Akiva Tatz said in old times women would put honey on bread so the child will eat the bread but some people lick the honey and throw the bread away. I think that is it. People focus on the stimulus that nature designed to attract people to marriage, and not on the marriage itself that is the whole purpose of people born with sexual desire or attraction. A relationship is not meant to worship beauty and income, those things are magnets that increase the chances people will choose to get married and bond with others. Its like when an employer offers somebody a bonus to snatch a worker away from another employer who wants to hire him, the employer does not care about the bonus, the employer cares about the labour the employee is using and the bonus is just an incentive but if the employee accepts the bonus and does not do the work, he gets accused of fraud and gets legally forced to repay his debt.

[Avicenna]

1. They think that they can change the guy

2. They like his looks a lot

3. They go for the first guy who shows interest

4. They think he has potential

5. They think he'll spend lots of money on them

[ManOnFire]

1. They think that they can change the guy

Super fact

[ManOnFire]

Because "they love them" and think these men are the definition of manliness and assertiveness.

[Finchie40]

Because most women have hormonal issues as well that make her emotions all over the place like a rollercoaster ride from hell. Most girls’ need drama in their lives they need the gossip and to feel that they are part of something , Most girl’s will talk on the phone for hours with her girlfriends gossiping and digging dirt about others , Girls need that shit i their lives or she will be bored , A girl usually wants opposite of what she already has , so for a guy to keep a girl by his side , he pretty much has to balance between good guy and bad guy , or she will start losing interest in him , and start nagging at him and criticizing him and belittling him , using sex as a weapon to get her way , making him feel that he is wrong and she is right , she will start comparing him to other men and find every flaw she can find on him to make herself feel like she is a victim , when really she is a selfish pos that only cares about herself , When a girl stops prioritizing you and starts prioritizing her friends over you , you are best to kick her to the curb where she belongs and find yourself a girl that prioritizes you over her friends or best of all just remain single, Most girls today are very selfish people that only really care about themselves , they fill their heads with constant nonsense off of social media or constant nonsense they hear from their toxic girlfriends , Save yourself heart break man and do not give your heart completely to a girl that doesn’t make you her top priority , I don’t care how beautiful she is or how good she is in bed , she will eat you alive and play a victim when things don’t go her way , she will make excuses and point fingers at you for her selfish behavior,, when a girl says she needs space , she needs space from you , so she can go spread her legs to some other guy that she feels is more of a man and has more of his shit together so she thinks , so stringing you along to make sure this new guy is going to sweep her off of her feet or just using her for a piece of ass , keeping you on the back burner if things don’t go her way , in the meantime making you feel like you are worthless and that nothing you do is good enough , My advice is do not be a sitting duck to a girl that doesn’t make you her top priority , She is clearly whoring around trying to play sweet and innocent when really she is the POS whore. I have hooked up with married women and girls that were already in relationships that lied to me that they were single , Most girls’ do not know how to commit in a relationship , if she feels you don’t trust her she will make excuses for her actions , by trying to play a victim , that you are in the wrong and she is in the right , A girl that values you and appreciates you is going to respect you and put herself in your shoes , not the other way around , Realize your value and your worth , there are plenty of girls out there that want a man that stays loyal and loving they are just harder to find these days sadly , I no longer jump into relationships with girls clearly for these reasonings , You need a girl that looks up to you not a girl that compares you and looks down at you period ,

[magiusX26]

an old psychological study showed tgat women want a guy they can mold/fix so contrary to what most say they want, they pick the "bad boy" as a sort of project in hopes of "fixing him / molding him" into a normal guy. this also goes into why if such a guy does change his ways, many women leave and start all over. then there is the perceived excitment level comparission between the badboy types and good guy types. often the badboy is thought to be more exciting (usually temporary sort of like a carnival ride/roller coaster but also addictive for that emotional thrill) often from the chaotic nature and danger (perceived or real) they provide. where as the good guys' traits that make him stable (a staple of being a good guy) are seen as boring, yet this is one of the most common traits claimed to be desired by women yet also most often what they choose the exact opposite of. hey ladies, this is a bigger part of why more men do not listen to you when you say you want certain traits in a guy, you all's actions show what you say is not what you actually mean. this is also a part of that "wall" talked about. it is often later on in years that most women have historically learned to match their actions eith the words they use, often a bit too late. thinking about it like that, younger women's partner choices come across as an early onset midlife crisis in a sense. there are other components of course such as something about self humbling, but these 1st 2 i mentioned i think merit a large enough portion of the why.

[CubsterShura]

Because we are taught from a young age to romanticize toxic behavior from men. Guy in school bullies you? He must really like you! Dad is emotionally distant? He is just bad at showing how much love he has for you. Boyfriend acts possessive? He wants you so badly. Neighbor is stalking you? He just cannot get enough of you.

We need to stop teaching girls that toxic behavior is an expression of love and should be considered flattering.

Women are taught to find men who can protect them but they are not taught what comes before that: to ensure that they are safe from him first.

[ventustalks]

Thr gender roles that are put on women make them think that they can fix this guy and they MUST do it. This is how we were raised and it is so hard to acknowledge this hurtful truth about society. The problem is not girls choosing unavaliable men, the problem is the system creating emotionally unavaliable men and women who will be willing to lose their mentality for such men. We are "ought to" fix those guys. Still, this is not how it always works. One may choose the good guy for, again, societal roles as being a a good man's wife is another thing. I am purely looking from the society's perspective. There are lots of other points that can be commited to this problem.

[Anonymous]

I've been in a few relationships, ones where I've treated my partner like shit and others where my partners have treated me like shit. its definitely not all women BUT if you notice, people who complain about their relationships are often the ones who are in toxic ones.


I've let go a few of toxic relationships, and the only one that i really wanted to stay with was with a guy i figured was my soulmate. im single now, so that obviously hasn't worked out.


i feel that some people that stay in toxic relationships do so because they believe that person is their soulmate. someone who gets you in personality, and life. someone who you think is worth fighting for but isn't.


nowdays its normal for men and women to stay with shitty people because tbh, thats their “better half”. its like when people post for divorce advice. happy people dont post their relationship problems bc there are none, and toxic people do. so we see those in more frequency.

[Mamaliv]

Narcissism, at first they come off as great doing and saying all the right things convincing you that your the one. Soon your caught in their web of lies, you try to leave but your being told they’ll get better, they threaten their life, they can’t survive with out you…. This is the rollercoaster, and women who’ve never felt like enough will stay because they’ve convinced her no one will love her like he does. She doesn’t want to hurt him, so she tries and tries again. Putting on a happy so in love face around everyone else but miserable inside. It’s abuse and it’s hard to walk away from, eventually some learn boundaries and get out of it. Don’t judge her though if she’s sticking around, maybe offer her some kind words. Help her to see that she isn’t stuck.

[TheWolfLady87]

Because they grew up watching mom doing this. They learnt from their parents BAD relationships full of drama, etc.

Nothing else.

It's a case of "monkey see, monkey do" the same driving factors as why criminals, drug addicts, alcholics, abusive people, etc... 9 out of 10 times come from households with criminal activity, drug / substance abuse issues, abusive backgrounds, etc.

.

Some women will say they want to "fix" this guy however HOW are they fixing him by enabling his behavior? Which is exactly what they do by putting up with the abusive nature rather than saying - hey look, you want me you better smarten the hell up.

Their argument but "he's broken" and "I can fix him" when they let him walk all over them... is like giving a drunk $20 and saying you're "fixing" them. And just as stupid.

[Anonymous]

Quite simply she don't know any better. Women who pick these types of men generally didn't have very strong male role models in thier formative years. As a result these women typically have no clue as to what a quality man looks and acts like. So they fall back on thier feelings. And to these types of women they cannot discern cockiness from confidence. So they generally fall for the cocky douchebag with no character. Since women dbl down on choices, even bad ones. It might take her a while to figure out she's been had. And if she's the type that doesn't learn very fast she'll repeat this mistake few times before she realizes what she's doing wrong. And sadly, there are some women who NEVER learn. Eventually she'll just decide she has the worst luck in the world rather take responsibility for her shortcomings and she'll go to her grave cold and bitter lamenting this.

[blueonblack22]

As foolish and ridiculous it is many women chase men who are like this, I actually don’t have a problem with them making stupid choices. However what I have a much deeper problem about is how women want to look for shoulders to cry on when it was their stupid decision to begin with. Especially if it they made this bad choice more than once.

[xutumx]

Some girls, & guys like the rush and instable relationship because the highs are high and the lows means the highs feel better. When a mature girl likes a mature guy, it’s stable and to some people boring. Real relationships that are good are comfortable and can be ‘boring’ when there’s not tons or fighting and make up sex

[Hermitess]

I can’t speak for every woman, but for me, I think it’s because I feel like I don’t deserve a man that treats me well. I hate myself and feel like I have no value, so why should I be treated nicely by a man? Also, there are some guys who go overboard with their “affection” to where it just seems kind of smothering. So I think the ideal situation is to be a little bit of both sides, naughty and nice.

[DarkWinterNights]

Because it’s exciting. My friends wife divorced him after 8 years with a $150-200k/yr paycheck because he was boring, wrapped up in his small business and she “didn’t feel anything anymore”. A week later she was sheltering her jobless bum of an abusive ex from high school who has a warrant out for his arrest.

[Anonymous]

Is it the men who put them thou a roller-coaster or the woman who creates a roller-coaster?

Most men are fairly stable, forgiving and mellow, this stands in contrasts with a lot of women who are insecure, emotional, and drama-queens from a young age.

As such it is FAR more likely that the woman is the cause of the drama than the man.

[Anpu23]

It's actually pretty simple coach. Some women, and men for that matter, actually thrive on the dramma. It's that they like to play the victim and get all caught up in the game.

[coachTanthony]

You saying men thrive on the drama they create for the woman?

[Anpu23]

That and that men also thrive on drama. I didn't want to gender it, as someone will be all "guys do to."

[coachTanthony]

Any guy who thrives on drama that puts them on a rollercoaster of emotions has an emotional disconnect or lack of testosterone flowing through their veins.

[Anpu23]

Not arguing that.

[Staximus]

Because they think they need that uncertainty and drama bullshit in their life, they think they "need a challenge", they don't value a man who is a sure thing because they didn't have to work for his affection. Maybe also they grew up seeing their mom being treated like that and that's what the subconsciously seek out

[Filthy_Immigrant]

I agree with @Rosexøxø it is the "I agree witth @Rosexøxø it is the "Excitement. Drama. Curiosity. Insecurity."

but unfortunately since women operate on their feeling and emotions more often then they obviously lack the ability to comprehend that there are consequences to the things above.

[jeffend888]

They do this from their teen years up until about their mid 20s.

Then they pull their heads out of their collective asses because all of their friends are starting to settle down, their biological clock is ticking and they realize that what their family thinks actually matters and that they have to eliminate chaos in order to have a successful life.

It's the natural order of things.