How and when to tell a potential date about a handicap?

[Anonymous]

So , I am in an unfortunate position.

I have an eye disease that has progressed over time and my eyesight is very reduced. I still keep a job and I am completely independent (for now) and in fact most people dont know I am impaired untill they see me trying to read something or wonder why I don't recognize them before they come closer.

I do however once in a blue moon have men show interest in me (without knowing about my eyesight) I have a tendency to decline because I don't know when or how to tell a potential date about my handicap.

Recently a man asked me to go to the park and play frisbee. I cannot really see the frisbee properly. Otherwise they will always ask me why I don't have a drivers license. And I find it so awkward going "Oh yes, by the way I can't see"

So what should I do? Tell them as soon as they show interest? Or "lure them in" on a first date and then come clean?

To be honest I dont think ill be any successfull in finding someone who will want to see me beyond my eyesight. (Pun intended?)

Should I give up on dating alltogether?

[caring__1]

You want to share this information as soon as you'd like him to share information that might impact the relationship. You may be afraid of chasing the guy away, but, if he would be chased away by that, it's best to learn that before you significantly invest in the relationship. Don't minimize it or give him misinformation, but don't take it the other extreme, either. Share it with the same intensity you would use to inform him how many siblings you have. You want to deal with it like it is a normal part of who you are... because it is.

You can also get involved with organizations for the blind, especially if you take on a leadership role rather than a dependent role. Let people see you in action. Do nothing to hide the fact from others, but don't make an issue out of it, either. Never be like the transgender people who want to hide the truth from their partner.

[Asker]

Thank you for the reply. I already sm in the blinds organisation and sometimes join their activities. It is not something i try to hide from people. But i dont wear it on a t-shirt either because there is no point in randomly telling strangers.

The thing im most clueless about is the dating adpect. I always thought its better telling them right away. Im afraid if i tell it on a date it will make him end the date quickly.
I usually am very confident, but here I think not so much

[caring__1]

Chances are, it doesn't take guys long to realize you're sight-impaired, so don't ignore the elephant in the room. Early in a relationship, you can discuss what each of you see as your skills and challenges. It can come out in that conversation, without the conversation being strictly about sight.

Things can be easier if you associate with other sight-impaired individuals or people who work with sight-impaired individuals. I used to volunteer at a Braille Institute Youth Center. Since other senses are heightened when one is diminished, I was always amazed at the degree of accomplishments of these people. I wrestled intramurally in college, so I volunteered to help a guy work out. He was hired to coach the wrestling team at a Florida college. When he got off the plane, he was told to get back on it, as they weren't interested in a blind coach. He was an amazing wrestler.

They had no problem joking about their challenges. A common one was "What happens if I masturbate? Will I go blind?" We would get a lot of stares from people seeing our vans driving to activities. One driver would see that and then start reaching out toward the windshield, as if he was feeling his way along the freeway. The lookiloos looked away very quickly.

Realize everyone faces some type of challenges. It doesn't make you less of a person or less of a partner. Just be clear, open, honest and realistic, without overwhelming anyone. You may need to do things differently than others (like blind kids playing beeper ball). There are even blind artists and sculptors. How many people kiss with their eyes open? Does lack of sight limit intimacy in a relationship? Don't worry about what you can't do... look at all the things you can do. My son's fiancee has a medical condition that doesn't allow her to drive, yet the two of them have a great relationship.

[Asker]

Great to read ypur experience. Thank you for sharing i do however think you're missunderstanding me. Im not unhappy or depressed nor do i see the future in a doomfull way. I have a good life. I was just asking on advice when dating :)

[caring__1]

I sense I was the one misunderstood. I never claimed you were unhappy, depressed or doomed. I was merely recommending you don't withhold information any longer than you'd want your partner to withhold information.

[Asker]

To be honest, i would prefer to tell a potential date immediately, but that might scare them off, haha. Perhapsxa first date would be better

[caring__1]

Let's say you are 7' tall. You are being fixed up on a blind date with someone you're told is average height. Would you let the person know your height in advance, or would you let them find out after going out of their way to meet you? People who would be scared off by reality aren't people you want to hold onto. I tend to be very flexible when it comes to accepting reality, but I lose interest very quickly when a person decides I'm not worthy of the facts, and the truth is withheld from me. When I find out something has been withheld or altered, I wonder what else has been withheld or altered. For instance, I once dated a woman who told me in advance she only had one breast (due to cancer). I was happy she shared and didn't allow that to get in the way of the relationship. The relationship ended when she overreacted to something unrelated to this, after I had let her know I had been sensitized by overreactions and couldn't allow that in my life.

[Avicenna]

I'd say the first date is an appropriate time. You deserve happiness as well.

[sheikalana]

As soon as he shows interested in getting to know you.

[exitseven]

I think that I would like to know sooner rather than later. You don't have to make it weird and you don't want to look helpless because you are not.

[Asker]

Exactly. I dont feel helpkess at all. Its just me seing things more blurry. But for me it is normal since I've lived with it so long

[exitseven]

Okay, I had a friend that had polio when he was little. He had a lot of health problems. We drove to Florida for spring break with some of the kids he went to school with. We did a lot of crazy stuff when we were there. His friends were nervous that he might get hurt of something might happen to him. I told then that he didn;t consider himself as limited and they should not either. I know that some days were better than others for him but he did not let it stop him. I thought he was brave.

[jahaims]

Don't feel awkward. Everyone has something, yours just happens to be eyesight

[Iron_Man]

I’m sorry to hear that. Just tell him anytime.

[In_Trance]

Before the first date

[Asker]

Yeah, that is probably fear.
Would you still go on a date if you were told that by a woman you asked out?

[In_Trance]

Probably