Do you also lose interest when someone seems very interested in you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It always happened to me and partially that was contributing to the fact that I was single most of the time.

I start liking someone A LOT.

And when they start liking me the same way or more, I lose interest and have to try real hard to maintain the interest.

What’s wrong with me?

Even my ex fiancé, he tried so so hard to get me and even when we were new couples, I was losing interest kinda.

So, he told me, he was moving in with me for a week, without doing anything sexual.

He moved in with me and first 3 days I was annoyed that he disturbed my coziness. Then I got used to him and when he planned to leave, I asked him to “stay” and I think that’s when I felt comfortable with my feelings to him. When we started living together and I saw him waking up next to me and being absolutely the best partner I could imagine and very understanding.

I felt lucky he didn’t give up on me earlier, even though he had every right to do so.

Same happens always, I lose interest and feel distant when someone starts really liking me a lot and they need to be very persistent to go through that period.

Or I need to oppose myself and my feelings, go against it and try not to affect my communication with another person. Because this feeling of disinterest is not healthy. So I need to make conscious effort to oppose it.

Updates

8 mo

When I was younger, it was worse.

I had less control over it, I have had guys tell me they loved me and might sound horrible, but I have broken things off the same day, over a petty reason.

It feels like being loved causes discomfort in me until I reach a point, where I feel safe to be in love.

[dynamicyandere]

Oddly, the opposite happens to me.


Maybe because I really value loyalty and a ride-or-die type of bond, so if they show a strong interest, it also implies the potential for strong loyalty.


But of course, I need to see how fickle they truly are.


Do they really love me or are they simply infatuated by me and how I make them feel, but the moment challenges arise do they quit?


I want whoever I’m with to be able to ride out storms with me.


I’m all about strengthening the bond.


The more they give their heart to me, the more I’ll protect it.


I understand for many guys, it’s the opposite. They want to chase girls like they’re prizes and win like they’re playing a sport or a game.


For me, it’s not so one-sided as me chasing a prize but rather finding someone who TOGETHER we can GROW a relationship that is the most beautiful relationship we can grow.


The relationship that we’re building together IS the goal and the prize, and it’s mutually what we both see as the goal and prize, because it’s ever growing and improving.


As for you, that’s a good observation about yourself.


Love repels you until you feel that you are safe around them.


That’s not a bad thing necessarily, as it’ll help you protect yourself.


But, you also don’t want to reject someone too early, who actually may be the perfect partner for you.


It sounds like a defense mechanism of some sort.


You may not need to shut it off completely, but it’ll good that you’re aware and mindful of this pattern you have.


That way, you can control it at times when you intuitively know that you should.

[molonski2]

You've confirmed what really I've always suspected that post people do this , its kinda like " If you really love something / someone , set them free " too much intense interest puts people off , the feeling of not really knowing what you want. So in a circumstance , like that which you describe , I go phantom ( they call ghosting now ) , this is because either I don't want to show full on interest , or I don't want it cast upon me.

When you read some of the more stupid questions here ( Why did he do this? Why 3 hours to answer my sms , etc etc etc ) , I always have a laugh and think " Gee thats working " --What would happen if he replied immediately and said " Oh you are so great , I can't wait for a dinner date , blah , blah , " , people loose interest , they are afraid of getting too close , maybe because they are concerned about getting hurst?

I don't know , but its human nature , I'm actually ghosting a lovely lady right now , she's gone to Japan on holiday , but I will just say " Baby , you needed some space , its your holiday with your son , its important " , but what is really important is that I get an actual feeling for what's going on.

So your reactions are very understandable.. lol , although I felt a little sorry for those poor young schoolboys putting it out there , only to get crushed.. lol lol lol. I shouldn't laugh , not funny , but good life experience.

[Anonymous]

it happened to me with my ex , when he finally said he loves me i lost interest , i just wanted him to love me / be obsessed with me and when that finally happened i lost interest

[Opinion Owner]

i don't consider him an ex tho bc pur rlpt was online and we didn't meet

[Anonymous]

Uhm... no?😆

Now if a woman is too interested me I may question her motives. Because most women do not do that unless they have ulterior motives typically. It doesn't make lose interests so much as it makes curious as to what exactly her games is. Things will not proceed till I'm certain she's genuine in who she's presenting herself to be.

[Billlewis]

I don't know, but when a woman has virtually no interest in me, that only makes me want her that much more.

[Huntingnfishin]

Yeah I get that feeling too. I think it's self esteem issue for me. If they like me then they can't be all that great

[loveslongnails]

What's WRONG with you? You like the sizzle more than the steak.

[EaterPeter]

Not really but there can be a right way and wrong way to do

[justabuddy]

Because it's normal to want what you can't have, or miss it once it's gone.

[ProbablyClueless]

My guess is that you like the challenge

[Staximus]

You have a fear of intimacy

[andy530]

No usually the opposite

[Alex8736]

Meaning in an obsessive way?

[DerekC321]

No, I'm flattered.