I’ve been talking to this guy for over a year now. We both really like each other (and have hooked up several times) and he’s expressed that he can see a relationship in the future. Only problem is, he lives with a female friend/roommate who has had feelings for him for over 3 years and is under the impression that they’re going to work things out and be together. In her defense, he has lead her on in the past so I don’t blame her. From what he tells me, he has no interest in being with her but doesn’t want to tell her that because he’s scared to hurt her feelings.
Also, whenever he is out she is constantly blows up his phone asking where he’s at and who he’s with. Because of this, I usually only see him every so often and it seemed very secretive because he doesn’t want her to find out he’s been hanging with me. He tells me once he gets his own place, things will be different but I’m conflicted.
So, would you trust this guy? Should I give him an ultimatum?
I’ve expressed my concerns with this situation and he promises that he’s being 100% honest with me. We’ve built trust over the last year so in a way, I’ve become very trusting. I’m also someone who gets very attached to people I care about and I get scared to lose them.
Need some dating advice. Would you trust this guy?
I understand, I wouldn’t trust him either, rightfully so! He can’t expect you to if he doesn’t make it entirely and absolutely clear with his roommate that there will never be anything between them. Ultimatum's aren’t really all that great but I think that giving him one would be good in showing that you will not allow him to treat you this way. You want to be with him but he cannot choose to spare another girls feelings over yours. Please do yourself a favor and tell him he needs to be clear with her or you're leaving, and actually leave if he isn’t willing.
On the flip side, I can understand that it would be uncomfortable for him to live with someone who he’s hurt like that. But again, his main priority should be you. He needs to figure out a way to move out, maybe get a different roommate, or just deal with the awkwardness that’ll come with making it clear with this girl.
No, I would not trust this guy. Most likely, he has also slept with this female friend/roommate. And don't be so naive as to believe everything he says, he has no intentions of ever moving out. If he wants to move out, he would have done so 3 years ago. I'm also guessing that female friend/roommate is also helping to pay a lot of his expenses. So, it's not that he didn't want to reject her in fear of hurting her feelings, he just didn't want to lose his cash cow. And the sad thing is, you know he's lying, that he's been leading you on, but you clung on to the lies you told yourself, lying to yourself that he loves you.
no, what integrity does he have? Is he being honorable, just stuck financially getting out? I'm doubting that.
He is hurting her, himself and you by staying there if not interested, or playing around behind her back and scheming. This dudes a mess. how do dudes like this draw so much interest.. that's the question I'd like to know. He must be some prize.
If you can get a strawman plan from him when he's going to move out, then good. Else, withdraw. that's not an ultimatum, it's a fact.
Understand this... what he is doing gives you a lot of insight into where his priorities are and the kind of guy he is. You said that he told you he doesn't want to hurt her. What about you? He doesn't care how you feel, just her. If there is no relationship with her, why would he be hurting her? If I'm you, I would be seeing a huge red flag and find someone who is concerned about you and not some other woman. His words say one thing, but his actions prove another. I've always found that actions are what is important.
Trust him to continue being a secret fuck buddy. Don't expect anything more.
Think about how he has misled the other girl and is doing things behind her back. Why do you think he isn't doing, or won't do, those same things to you?
I want to empathize. with your permission of course. I would never trust a man who treated me like that. I would question his behavior. it seems you are a smart woman that you are asking this question. There are two main factors in relationships. If a man dreams of the future about you, he will want to marry you within a year or introduce you to his close circle. secret works are the work of the devils.
@mrsalyssaefron why not just enjoy hooking up and wait for him to get his own place if he dont get it then he's not for you but in the mean time enjoy the hookups and play the field so if it does go pearshaped you won't be that fussed as you have backup hookups
Talk to that girl first. You should know his side of story. He seems to hide something. Her roommate should also know about it incase she comes off as his girlfriend.
Have you ever met his roommate have you ever been to his house while she was there that's the first thing you have to do that will tell you everything did I could tell you right now but I think you should find out yourself
He’s not being 100% honest hiding her texts and vice versa. But some relationships are tough to end. People get clingy. I’d say they’re red flags but perhaps look for other signs of deception. Manipulative people deceive in variety of ways.
I would tend to believe her in this case, as if what he says is true, why is he still living with her after seeing you for 1 year. I could be wrong, but I suspect he isn't being straight with either of you.
What do you mean she says they were together? Did you talk to his roommate about her burning desire for your boyfriend? Did she just come out and give you this information?
I have talked to her before about it. It’s just strange because she claims they were “together” but it doesn’t seem that way. There’s not even any pics of them being couple-like or anything. Something is off. Either he’s lying or she is. I’m not sure what lol
The problem here is men do not want to be seen as a bad guy. He isn’t being straight with her how can you trust he is being straight with you and that he might not to hurt your feelings!
Got dam, this man living with his girlfriend and still finding time to play you as well for a year and both girls convinced the other girl is nothing to their man. Give this guy a high five from me the next time y'all get together to hook up
Just ask him so you give him a chance to be open and clear and then you'll know. No use in dragging it out if that's not okay with you. Just confront him and move forward, with or without him but no doubts.
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