How do I know that a guy is asking me on a date vs a friendly hangout?

[Anonymous]

Male 31/Female 26, Met on Hinge August 7th, chatted/voice note exchange; I gave him my number on August 12th he texted me the following; not sure if he is romantically interested or looking for a friendship? In my profile, I mentioned that I would like to take things, so I'm assuming he might be taking my lead, but what are your thoughts?

Include a caption for your image…

[blueonblack22]

Alright no warm blooded straight man is going to approach a woman let alone use a dating app just to be friends with a woman. He’s not going to waste his time, effort and money planning (and usually paying) for a date if he doesn’t see any potential. If a man approaches you he is always interested ladies.

Now listen carefully about the word “interested”. Just because a man is interested doesn’t always mean he wants to jump your bones within an hour of meeting you. Sometimes that’s true but not always. He could be curious and on the fence. He might later decide to be friends if he doesn’t feel the spark. But that’s not how initially starts a date.

But again men don’t seek out women to just become friends with. We might become friends with women by happenstance (via work, school, activities, etc.). But no straight man is going to waste his time approaching a woman or going on a dating app doing that. There is usually a lot more work, effort, time and risk for men to plan dates with women. Men aren’t going to do that for the hell of it.

So put some effort into understanding the male POV on that. Respect it.

[Mewzinc]

What about meeting on social media websites like discord and reddit?

[blueonblack22]

@Mewzinc well those weren’t intended to be dating websites. But again gauge how much effort, time, money and energy a guy puts in to meeting up with you. Why would he plan and pay for a date just “to be friends”. That’s not how real friends hang out anyway.

[Mewzinc]

True. Thank you for the advice!

[blueonblack22]

@Mewzinc no worries. The sooner more women accept this fact the better we will be as a society.

This doesn’t make all men “bad” of course. But we have limited time/resources and we aren’t going to waste it on “platonic” relationships with women.

So please don’t be naive about where he is coming from. He might change is mind later after the date but he definitely is going into with interest in being more than friends.

[Asker]

Fair enough; now, do I expect him to text me daily before the date? Or do I wait for a text a few days before our potential meeting next week? ( We still don't have a date confirmed, but he knows Ill be around next week)

Thank you

[blueonblack22]

Well I wouldn’t put any “expectations” on how much he texts you. Just enough to know the details about where and when to meet up.

Just go in it with an open mind. You are most likely going to meet somewhere public. No real risk to you. Worst that could happen is he isn’t your type and/or he feels the same about you. That’s not the end of the world if that happens. But other than that just have fun.

[blueonblack22]

Also guys are less likely to flake out, cancel or at worst ghost. Occasionally this might happen but they usually have fewer dating options then women when all else equal.

So if he plans a date with you expect it to happen. If he can’t make it (or changes his mind) there is a high likelihood he will give you a heads up (as anyone should).

I noticed a trend lately where women think guys will flake/ghost because they themselves have flaked and/or ghosted guys (this trend is getting worse but that’s a different conversation). It’s less common for a guy to legitimately flake out. Especially the woman is on par with him.

[Asker]

Thank you very much makes lots of sense!!

[blueonblack22]

No worries. Good luck!

[madhatters4]

i mean the fact that you're on hinge would suggest that he is looking for more romantic connections than friendly ones. but he does sound (based on the request to "catch up") that he is looking to take it a little more slow rather than hooking up on the first date.

just my guess though

[midnightmoon05]

When I was single, I always have 3 step rule.
1. text

2. call

3. meet

takes about 2 weeks … meeting can be move on to the next date or conclude the attraction might not be there.. the goal is to meet a potential future husband. Otherwise I don’t waste time. so what do you want? Be clear of your intent.

[Pinay_ako]

If you met at a dating site, chances are it’s a date. Have fun

[coachTanthony]

If ya met on Hinge then yeah should be a date …. anything else would just be weird

[AviatorTom]

Is there really a difference? Enjoy the time together.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you ever spoken together in a phone call or in person?

[Asker]

No, he sent me a voice note on hinge, and I sent him back one, but we have just been messaging.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you were talking voice-to-voice, real time, not voice messages, you would know and you wouldn't be asking this question.

[DarkWinterNights]

The average guy isn’t going to go on Hinge to make just friends. He may be trying to figure out if a relationship with you is something he’s interested in, which could explain the more casual initial meetup, so if you’re interested in him, I’d try to make a decent first impression.

[Asker]

Thank you very much !

[Pacquet]

Considering y’all met on a dating app I think it’s safe to say it’s a date. Also there isn’t much of a difference if it’s one on one. Just assume if a guy is asking to hangout it’s a date (if that what you need to call it) or just ask him if it’s a date, “are you asking me out?”, feel free to be playful saying it.

[ProbablyClueless]

Nothing about your interaction suggested either friendly or romantic. You did meet on a dating app though... I would assume that things are romantic until he directly tells you otherwise.

[Bobbybopeep]

Agreed with other commenter. You don’t go on hinge to make friends. It’s for a relationship. There’s not really a difference between a date and a riendly get together.




Ya know. Side note: you guys text so formal lol

[Asker]

Thank you! LOL he is very formal so I'm going along with it :)

[RealMarek]

This is why I always made sure to call it a date when I was dating. It sounds as if he’s interested in a romantic relationship, but you’ll need to get clarity.

[Nightblade23]

If you met on a dating app then I think mostly he's asking you out on a date but if you want to be sure just ask where you would be going together to see if it would be romantic or not

[monorprise]

Does he even know the difference? I couldn't say i did in my early 20s.

[Asker]

Well, he is 31? so I assume he does? He is also from Paris, so I assume they have a different dating culture? I'm 26

[Friendlybro79]

Way too many adults here don't know that you have to have a conversation with the person if you want to know what they're thinking. Just ask him.

[Anonymous]

COMMUNICATE! jesus... there needs to be a clear understanding! especially since you don't even know this guy. you need to talk more if you have no idea what you're doing with him.

[magiusX26]

you met on a dating app. take a wild guess. if that does not work, simply ask him.

[_Just_A_girl_]

guys never want to be just friends. Exception y'all are related. But even then hasn't stopped men in certain states..

[Nikki1989]

You will never know while you are texting. You will have to find out the hard way.

[Asker]

Thank you!!

[WhiteBorr]

Because unless you're already defined as "FRIENDS ONLY", then no guys wanting to just hang out. He wants to eventually sleep with you, that's the end goal 99% of the time.

[Grovermint]

It's a dating site. I'd expect it to be a date, lol.

[MaxUsefull]

it depends on the culture of the country, in some countries, if the guy asks you out, it's a date

[Asker]

Well he is from Paris so I assume the dating culture is vastly different?

[Jamie05rhs]

Does it matter? How would having this knowledge make you behave differently at the event?

[DextroShade]

He is not looking to just be your friend because guys never are.