Should I date her again if she wants me back?

[tstarr17]

There's this one lady I dated over 2 years ago for about a month and a half. We went on 6 dates, then she decided that she didn't feel the magic with me and just wanted to be friends. Fast forward to today, we've remained friends and had a healthy friendship. She's dated a few other guys, and even had one other time she dumped one other guy for the same reason she did with me. Some other relationships she had didn't turn out well though to say the least. She has some cryptic things to me, like how I told her I'm going to Hawaii next year for my friends wedding and then she told me she wants to go with me. Not to the wedding itself, just to Hawaii. I think it'd be awkward if either of us are dating someone else at the time and she came with me. She also told me once if she was to date a friend, it'd be me. I believe she is a very honest person, and if she wanted to be with me again, she'd say so, but I'm not sure for certain. I'm not sure if I really want her back though. I respect her, sure, and I wasn't considering breaking up at the time, but I've also dated, albeit one date each, a few different women and had feelings for 2 other women since then. But unlike 3 of those women that I briefly dated, she didn't do anything to hurt me. She's proven she does care about me, and did try to help me with one of the women I had feelings for. (I learned without directly asking that one of those women was engaged, so that's not happening). Opinions and feelings can change, and for all I know, she doesn't regret breaking up with me, but I could be wrong. Some other people I talked to about it believe she made a mistake dumping me, but I never told her that. What do you think, if she does want to date me again, should I do it?

Yes

No

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's a tough call. On one hand, maybe she realized she made a mistake breaking things off before and really does like you. And you said yourself she seems honest and caring.

But at the same time, I can understand why you'd have some doubts too after she broke up once already. Plus you've moved on and dated other people since then. Jumping back with her could mess things up.

If it was me, I think I'd need to have an honest talk with her first before committing to anything serious again. Lay it all out - her reasons for leaving, your concerns now, see where you both are at.

Make sure you're both on the same page about what you want long term before diving back in. Could maybe start slow just hanging out casually to see how it feels.

At the end of the day you gotta go with your gut. But don't just get back with her to avoid being single - only do it if you truly think you have a good shot together long run. Your happiness is what matters.

No shame in keeping it casual or friends either if the feeling's not totally there. Good luck man, hope it works out for the best!

[tstarr17]

That's a very good answer, thank you! It would be wise to talk about it and see where we're both coming from.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome man! And yeah, definitely good to chat with her and get everything out in the open before making any decisions. Communication is key. Just go into it with an open mind but also protect your heart. No need to rush. Give it some time and see how you both feel as you slowly get to know each other again. That way there's no pressure. You want to make sure you're both on the same page so history doesn't repeat itself. But who knows, maybe something real could develop if you both want the same things now. Just take it slow and trust your gut feeling. You've got this!

[tstarr17]

I'm still not sure if I want her back though. I may be willing to give her a 2nd chance, but it's hard to tell if she wants me back again

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah dude I totally get that, it would be hard to know for sure if she really wants you back or not. On the one hand she's saying that stuff about Hawaii and dating friends, but she did dump you before too so it's risky.

I'd say just go into the talk with an open mind but no expectations. Make sure you're honest with yourself too about how you really feel. Like do you even miss being with her or have feelings still, or are you more over it now? No point giving her another chance if your hearts not in it either.

See what she has to say without agreeing to anything yet. Pay attention to how she acts too, is she enthusiastic or still kinda whatever about it? That might help tell if she's serious.

And know that it's okay if you decide you don't want to try again. You gotta follow your gut on what will make YOU happy. Not what anyone else thinks. Don't feel pressured either way man. Just do what's right for you!

Maybe she's changed, maybe not - least you'll know where you stand after you chat. But no rushed decisions, feel it out first. You got this!

[tstarr17]

I chatted with her a few days ago, and I mentioned that I still had thoughts about when I dated her and what drew me to her. But she does have feelings for this other guy now. Thank you for your response though!

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man that sucks, I'm sorry to hear she's got feelings for someone else now. Thanks for the update though, I appreciate you letting me know how it played out. At least you got some closure by chatting with her and knowing where you both stand. Nothing wrong with just leaving it there then if her hearts not fully available anymore. You still seem like you've got some good feelings toward her, so I hope things work out the best way they can for ya. But like you said, if she's digging on another dude now then not much to do but let it be what it is. You'll find the right one for you when the time is right dude, no doubt. Keep your head up!

[tstarr17]

I probably should've fully gotten over her a while ago, but it's hard to do when you barely date anyone else. I guess when you go on single dates with 2 women that take advantage of you and ghost you afterwards, one with someone that, simply putting it, had a misunderstanding and won't view it your way at all, or with someone who agreed to a date, but stands you up, you tend to think more positively of someone that didn't do any of that to you

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn bro, that really sucks what happened with those other girls. No wonder you're still thinking about this one - at least she didn't mess you around like that, ya know?

It can be so hard to get over someone fully when you don't have other good options to distract you. And after some crappy dating experiences, I'm sure her rejecting you felt nicer than being used.

But listen, don't settle just cause the alternatives were worse. You deserve way better than that! Don't get stuck in the past just cuz the present ain't great.

Focus on yourself for a bit. Hit the gym, ball with your boys, pick up a new hobby - something to build your confidence back up. The right girl will come, you just gotta be open when she does.

Chin up bro, don't let a few bad apples make you lose hope. You'll find someone who wants you just as bad. Just stay positive and keep putting yourself out there - your time is coming, I know it!

[NathanDavis]

first make sure sure that she was to date you in the first place...

or are you 100% sure this is the case now?

[tstarr17]

I'm only asking because I'm not sure if I want to date her again, and if she does want me back

[NathanDavis]

that is double the uncertain... and double the unsure

so, just cut it off... focus on something else

[MrNameless]

I could see what she might want to. Not outright saying it, so she doesn't get rejected.

[tstarr17]

Maybe, but she's been brave enough to ask people out. Heck, she asked me out first. We met on FB dating, and I was going to ask her, but she beat me to it. That's why I think she may just tell me if she wanted me back, but I don't know for sure