Guys, Would I be delusional for believing that the man who ghosted me does care about me but doesn’t want to be together?

[Anonymous]

We’d been on multiple dates over the period of months. He vanished at one point. Came back on his own a few months later remorseful and apologetic. Went on more dates. And he just stopped answering my texts or calls. I’m trying not to take this personally, as I did before. Choosing to believe that all the wonderful things he’s said were true. I don’t think it is personal. I do think he cares about me on some level. But knows that for whatever reason, I’m not the one for him. Is that me being delusional as a coping mechanism? Maybe he doesn’t care about me at all. Have you ever let someone go that you liked, in such a harsh manner?

[Blueeyes81]

Yeah. If a person ghosts and comes back it's because they are unsure about you. Meaning they like parts but not other parts and it's confusing them. I've met a few women where I did like aspects of them but also didn't like other aspects and it made me very wishy washy with them. I wanted to give them a chance because they had some really good things going but at the same time I doubted that their shortcomings would over come the good. I hate when I meet women like that because it makes me feel like a bad person for giving them a chance when I can't make up my mind if I like them or not.

[Asker]

I think that’s all fair, I just wish people didn’t use ghosting as an easy exit method. We’re humans and being ostracized, especially without a clear understanding of why, can cause a lot of damage.

[Asker]

Thanks for this perspective though! Reinforces the thought that this isn’t personal

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

Depending on his dating experience in yours, he may be trying to sort through what makes him happy and what doesn't. He may also be testing the waters/casting an net and going on a variety of different dates to try and find someone that he feels is compatible.

[Asker]

That makes sense

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

It's just an educated guess, hopefully it gives you something to work with, and think about

[BoopBoopBeep]

What would it change for you either way? It's an academic discussion. We can't know why he did it and you shouldn't care, because the outcome is the same. He missed out. The first stage to healing is to move beyond caring why he did. Now if it was something like "He did it because I wrecked his car/told his friends he had a tiny package" then it's relevant to know why so you don't do it again. If it's not that though, the why doesn't matter.

[Staximus]

Why are you worrying so much about a guy who won't even call you back? Move on with your life already

[Asker]

This was fairly recent. Moving on takes time, when you care about someone.

[Staximus]

If the guy cared about you he would call you back

[Staximus]

Time to forget about that bozo

[Staximus]

He wasn't even your boyfriend, there is literally nothing to move on from