What makes good men get 'grass is greener" syndrome after being in a loving relationship?

[Anonymous]

Hey,

What makes at first good, loving, devoted, honest and committed men after being in a long term, loving relationship without major problems to get "grass Is greener" syndrome, pointing out on problems and start comparing their partner to others/trying to find someone better?

I'm a woman, and I always end up being treated like an option, whenever I try to create a healthy, understanding and unconditionally loving connection with them. It makes me think: is it me or are there any relationship techniques I should get to deal with this situation?

Men seem to get it sometimes, but I'm not sure why do they start to look for problems and drama to keep themselves interested.

[PrincessBunBuns]

so you actually asked two questions in your post. the first being about the term “grass is greener”, and i’ll answer that one first.


men tend to see qualities in another woman that they might not find in theirs, because the contact they have with that woman is superficial. that person may be physically attractive, perhaps kind and funny, even more so than their partner. for the men who cheat, they may get with this person, however, because their attraction was what was on the surface, this person might have negative qualities their partner didn’t have.


men in these mindsets tend to only see the good qualities of other women but disregard the bad ones or unable to see them. when in reality their partner is much better suited for them.


as for why men don’t appreciate you… consider that man not for you. a man will always look elsewhere regardless of what you do if they don’t like you enough. it does not reflect on you, and has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. your partner will like you for you and not that constant effort.

[HawkPerception]

I would say most of it comes from sexual frustration. If your partner does not have the desire to sexually satisfy you, it can cause sexual frustration to build up. If a guy feels horny and you always say "I'm too tired" or "I'm not feeling it" then the frustration can build. If he has certain kinks that you're not willing to try for him, it's not like his desire will just magically go away. The desire will continue to build up and again... frustration.

The solution to this is if he's horny and you're not feeling it, maybe just use your hands or mouth to get him off. Who knows? You might even start getting into it. And always try to be open and try his sexual kinks out unless it's ridiculously extreme like blood, shit, and piss. Then it's fine to have a line.

Then there's body appearance. I find it strange that women will workout and care more about their appearance when they're out of a relationship and looking for a partner and when they get into a relationship they stop caring because they think "Oh well I have my partner and he loves me. He should love me for me or it's not real love." Hate to break it to you, but part of the reason we loved you is the person we fell in love with who cared for their body. We're not going to leave you if you get fat. We will leave you if you put in absolutely no effort to lose the fat.

I am no supporter of cheating and think communication comes first, and if nothing happens then breaking up/divorcing is next. However, many men don't handle it the same. They'll feel trapped and not want to lose their relationship and history they've built up and go behind your back and cheat. Because the grass is greener when they see other girls with all the traits they desire in their partner.

[nastyb]

So if you got fat then it would be ok for your wife to divorce you?

[HawkPerception]

Did you read properly?

[D3P0PowPow]

I feel
Like you have very little relationship
Experience. You may be missing out on some great women because you view them as fat. You seem pretty scrawny yourself no offense. I dont think you have the limitless options you so present yourself as having.

[HawkPerception]

@D3P0PowPow Lol you don't get to say "No offense" when clearly you're trying to offend.

"No offense" but you must be a fat fucker and a chubby chaser 🤣

I've had my fair share of relationships. And you're correct... I don't have limitless options. I don't claim to be in the top 10% of men. But I'm probably more fit and shredded than you.

[HawkPerception]

@D3P0PowPow Don't try to compare me to your low standards.

[D3P0PowPow]

And definitely
More shallow. Oh son, you haven’t even a clue. But now you look
Like a complete idiot. Your standards are based o. Superficial things. Your a child

[HawkPerception]

@D3P0PowPow Brother you can't even spell "you're" correctly. Don't try to be talking about who looks like an idiot.

I accept that most people have preferences and most guys aren't as attracted to fat girls. You're trying to force your standards on others and insult them for not having them.

Also, it's almost as if you didn't read or decided to completely neglect the fact that I said specifically "We're not going to leave you if you get fat."

Also, I checked your profile out, out of curiosity and it really did show your IQ level. One of your questions was "How are guys with dicks under 5 inches getting girls?" And you have the audacity to call me shallow 😂

You really are a pathetic dude. You're the child buddy. Grow up.

[D3P0PowPow]

Wow , so now you judge someone for liking someone that’s a little thicker calling them
A chubby chaser? I think your most of your relationship are between you and your hand down your own pants. The way you talk would repulse most women, I’m being honest. Your mindset is basic and you clearly live on the surface. From
The terms you use. I would rather be a fat “fuck”than a person as ugly as you on the inside. by the way a lot of “fat fucks”
Get a lot of sex. Better someone soft around the middle
Than some conceited piece of shit like you. listen junior , you’ll
Never deal with the celebrity clientele I have. Your better off
Watching your mouth before one of these “fat fucks” knocks
The smile
Right off your stupid face.
Off
Topic but I actually
Work with models, it’s part of my
Job. They would
Never speak about a woman the way you do

[D3P0PowPow]

I put that question out there so that people
Understand that there is more to a man than that. But again your an idiot and don’t realize I’m trying to provide the community an opportunity to see guys with smaller
Or average shine, and women affirm
Them.

[HawkPerception]

@D3P0PowPow Do tell me what part of what I said was disrespectful towards women. I'm really curious about that. I have never disrespected women in my life.

I only stated my opinion on what men's inner thoughts were in relationships. I was speaking for a good chunk of men that see their partners let it go and put no effort into maintaining their appearance. There is nothing disrespectful about that.

And if you look back on the chat, you're the one insulting me from the get-go.

You truly are a pathetic dude who talks out of his ass.

[Finchie40]

You just fell for the wrong guys’’ guys’ that have selfish mindsets , because having a girl that loves me and respects me , that makes me feel wanted and appreciated , that keeps me satisfied in the bedroom , stays loyal and faithful to me , she has no worries about me ever cheating on her what so ever , or thinking grass is greener on the other side, I usually end up with girls'that have that syndrome to be honest , Try to find yourself a guy that doesn’t have a selfish mindset , a guy that treats you the same way you treat him , you will more than likely have a better chance

[Anonymous]

here's something you need to realize in life:

if a man truly wants to commit to you, he will commit to you. You never ever beg a man to marry you. You never beg a man to not cheat on you. Because truth is... if he loved you enough, he wouldn't cheat on you. If he loved you enough, you would never have to beg for ANY of these things.

If every single guy you been with has always wanted other women, let them go have their fun. Just make sure they don't come back.

If you go throughout life begging for things that guys can't give you, you will just find yourself being with the wrong men over and over again.

I have known plenty of men who don't think grass is greener with another woman while being in a loving relationship. My father has never even attempted at being unfaithful to my mother. They been married 35 years.

If you are in a relationship where you have to beg a guy not to cheat on you, it means he is not the right man for you. You are just too much of a coward to find a man that is better for you.

[molonski2]

Assuming he is in a similar age bracket to yourself its going to happen , a young guy is going to need multiple outlets , sexual frustration , same meat and three vegs everyday , he's yearning for variety , and frankly so he should be..

In the club we had the number of young guys that would come , and everyone thinks ohh its innocent fun ( no its not by the way ) , these guys would always be trying to bag themselves a stripper outside , partly obviously their own ego , but they would go to crazy crazy lengths to try and fulfill this want , it rarely worked , because they couldn't attend enough times to be able to seal the deal.

These " good men " , they'd be taking off the wedding ring , or lying to the girlfriend about being in meetings , I never really got that because they were young , and they would become just blubbering messes trying to impress , we'd all get a great laugh out of it , most often at their expense.

Bottom line , guys like multiples , even if they tell you otherwise , I'm not breaking some trade secret , and no he is not " different " , they are all the same.

[wolfcat87]

Some men definitely have no interest in "multiples" even when offered.

[molonski2]

They are all interested , some inferior ones are scared , others can't get , and the rest are not telling the truth.

[Flatmanlewis]

I have a large and close knit team. It’s currently entirely male even though other parallel teams we work with are co-ed. I say this because I’ve heard plenty of men reflect on this. The most common theme I’ve heard is one of two things:
A) She shows no real interest in me. (ie: Doesn’t have sex with me; Doesn’t care about my day/hobbies/interests. Doesn’t participate I in my life or basically treats me like one of her chores or an obligation she has to make time for.)
B) She makes no effort to be attractive. This can be through clothing, makeup, style, and most often fitness and/or weight gain.
C) She doesn’t respect me.


I have heard this time and time again from men who have either pursued relationships outside their marriage or left their wives.

[IslaTheWitch]

I would focus on the world always.

If something happens always, with different people did you think about changing something on your end? Did you take into consideration that healthy, understanding and unconditionally loving connection looks like that only from your perspective?

Did you talk to them? Did you present your observations and related emotions and asked about theirs? Did you learn what they like or dislike and did you try to negotiate or align or make compromises?

A relationship is not about what we think. It's about a communication with another person and establishing something what works for both partners.

[lightbulb27]

very good question. Isn't that a human trait? Like... I had cake yesterday, but the cake over there looks even better?

To be honest, I think it's the devil... that is... our selfish desires of the heart. The more selfish they are, the more they were rewarded for that, they more they do.

Line that up against a giving empathetic soul, and some will take advantage. It's ultimately about care and power... does he care enough to honor you in spite of some need he feels, and does he feel a power to pursue it... that is a combination of your power you emit and his. It is after all... an animal.

but what do I know... I'm just some "whacko" on the internet answering your question...

[ProbablyClueless]

Well... relationships take two people, right? So, it's partially a question of his behavior and partially a question of your's.

I can tell you that you could be the best woman in the world for him, but if he's not content within himself; nothin you do can fill that need for external validation.

On the other side of that coin, an otherwise emotionally healthy guy might get "grass is greener" syndrome, if the woman he's dating doesn't make him feel wanted and appreciated. There are very few things that are more demoralizing than trying to do something cute for your partner and having them respond with criticism (or worse; apathy).

[Anonymous]

I think it can be normal to see other people and think what if, but it is more of a passing thought that you don’t put stock in. Or think “Am I still attractive?” Etc after being in a relationship a long time. Humans really aren’t built for monogamy and ultimately when you make it work with the right person it is a beautiful thing

As for the second part I don’t know you personally to say what you might be doing incorrectly when it comes to relationships but I think you need to take a step back and examine both your relationships and yourself. What is making you choose people that treat you that way? What draws you to them? And how can you change that?

[hotwheelz78]

MEN ARE BLOODY WIRED TO WANT TO "SPREAD OUR SEED" MEANING HAVE SEX WITH AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE, TO SPREAD OUR OWN GENETIC MARTIAL AROUND. WOMEN ARE BIOLOGICAL ART UP TO SEEK OUT A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. (THEY HAVE TO BEAR THE CHILDREN, HENCE HAVE HISTORICALLY LOOKED FOR A MATE THAT WILL STICK AROUND TO SUPPORT THE KIDS HE PRODUCED.) AND DO THE HUNTING SO THE WOMEN FOLK CAN STAY AT THE HUT AND ACTUALLY DO THE RAISING... YOU SEE, HISTORICALLY, (NOT SO MUCH NOW) WE ACTUALLY NEEDED EACH OTHER FOR SURVIVAL. WOMEN NEEDED MEN TO HUNT FOR THE MEAT, SUPPLY HOUSING, AND MORE WHILE THE WOMEN BORE THE CHILDREN AND STAYED. HOME.. TIMES HAVE CHANGED SO MUCH, SO FAST, THAT OUR BRAINS HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO KEEP UP. WE STILL HAVE HUNTER/GATHERER BRAINS..

[hotwheelz78]

ALSO, MEN WHO HIT A CERTAIN AGE, (MIDDLEAGE) 40-45, START TO THINK ABOUT THEIR YOUTH AS FADING AWAY... AND CAN SORT OF IF FREAK OUT, WANTING TO GO BUT A SPORTS CAR AND DATE A WOMAN HALF HIS AGE...

[wolfcat87]

The same could be said for women since historically men died more often and women had children with multiple men over a lifetime.

[elew4too]

The prospect of committing your entire life to a woman to the exclusion of all other women forever is daunting for men, especially in their youth when they may have other options. Relationships have an opportunity cost for men: they’re giving up the chance to hook up with other women in their prime to invest in you. That fact alone makes even the best ones question whether they’ve made the right decision, even if you’re perfect. Hell, even Beyoncé got cheated on

[syncheart]

You can't help who you are. There is a lot of competition out there. Lots of beautiful women in this world. Sometimes all it takes is for one to show more interest in the guy. It is kinda up to him to fight against temptation. You can help lessen the temptation by being the best person you can be. But at the end of day He must be devoted to you. You can't make him.

[PaulEGon]

I don't know why a guy would do that. I've looked at a girl in passing if I was somewhere and my girlfriend at the time wasn't there, but it was just as passing "oh she looks hot" and that's it. If I was to ever want something else, I'd have the decency to end things with her first (as nicely as possible). If the relationship was that long thought, I'd not be looking for anything else seriously at that point.

[Crankor]

Being the "perfect" girlfriend is also realative. Maybe some guys really don't want to settle with just one relationship from not knowing how to keep one interesting. Maybe there's other factors like not wanting kids or not liking the way ther other handles life situations. Overall it's that it's not the relationship they thought they wanted. Can only guess as to the actual reason.

[Anonymous]

The way to ensure a man doesn't get the grass is greener mindset is to ensure he always feels like the luckiest man in the world to have you as a mate. My wife is great at that. I know I would never find a woman who treats me as well as she does.

[Asker]

You are a high value man. You see that she loves you, and you appreciate it. There are a lot of men having amazing women around, but they don't accept it.
Stay that way. Stay happy.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you, I plan to.

[DreamLife7]

Bc "you're trying to create the perfect relationship ". Get it, you're putting in the work chasing the man because he's not interested in you. The issue is you won't accept the social cues of rejection. And you're boring doing anything and everything for a man to be loved.

[PeachyPie93]

Do men do that?
Perhaps because the relationship is "perfect" it has become boring for him. Try to spice things up. Also you are a very young age most young guys are not ready to settle down yet.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a communication issue. When you are first getting to know each other everything is new and your learning each other and growing in your relationship but then it seems that it gets to a point where you know each other very well. everything is great but over time interest starts to lose because there doesn’t seem to be anything to continue striving for. Maby the next step is to have kids or maby it’s another issue. I’m not sure 🤔

[LiamJHayden]

"Grass is greener." comes from the ability to "fill in the blanks with the best" instead of the stark reality that the person is not perfect.

Men who stray are never 100% committed in the first place.

[LazerBean]

As my dear daddy says, "that's what happens to fornicators."

[AutumnSerenity]

Lmao your dad is a legend.

[TruliAdreamerInLove]

Maybe just no sexual excitement. That’s all I can see.

[spartan55]

Men create drama to keep interested? Lol... I think you have that backwards...

[Truthatanycost]

You are not forming relationships with true men of God.