Guys, why does rejection hurt so much, when in the beginning, all you initially want is sex?

Question

Like, it's usually further down the road in the dating stages that you realize that you want to be in a relationship with her. In the beginning, she's just an attractive girl that you don't know anything about. So since the feelings are so objective initially, why does it hurt when she says no?

aceleon · Accepted Answer

if anything it is more hurtful to be rejected as a man than getting rejected personally, we are not the same with womans you try to cover your womanhood and be aqccepted as a person which is why you get offence when guys are only interested in your looks but for guys we want our manhood to be accepted and desired and as long as our manhood is desired we usually don't care if you don't like us personally, most people doesn't even think or realizes this but there is an undeniable hunter-prey psychology that is ingrained into our DNA when a guy gets rejected it is like he missed a kill and only reason for that is because we weren't good enough, to be honest most thing about our relationships with womans are about us, the girl liking us or not is irrevelant her feelings are not a factor here we just automaticly feel like we are not enough (charismatic, good looking, tall, rich, masculine etc etc) that we missed the target here, might sound offending or such things but if you start to compare male-female relationships in general you will find so much paralel between a wild predator (not talking about feministic soyboys or cuck/simps don't count them as male if anything they are more woman than the actual womans)

DJB72 · Accepted Answer

What makes you think it's only about sex? Real Men may enjoy sex. A lot. But we want something far deeper. Sex is just an expression of it.

So if we're looking for a deep connection (and sex is an expression of that connection) and you reject that it hurts.

Psychologically we're not designed to handle rejection as humans. None of us. Rejection reminds us of the Great Rejection.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. "Guys, why does rejection hurt so much, when in the beginning, all you initially want is sex?" Wrong. There certainly are guys who only want sex and they don't want to wait, but I think most guys over the age of 23-25 are hoping to find a partner for a long term relationship. Guys just don't talk about that desire as much as girls do, but that doesn't mean guys don't want a relationship.

2. "Like, it's usually further down the road in the dating stages that you realize that you want to be in a relationship with her." Of course. You would think a guy was crazy if he said he wanted a LTR with you on your second date.

3. "In the beginning, she's just an attractive girl that you don't know anything about." But as soon as you two start talking, he is learning things about you. It doesn't take more than two or three dates to know that a girl either does or does not have any of the obvious red flags. I quickly know whether she is alcoholic, a gold digger, loud mouth, a gentle soul or a rude bitch. By the end of the third date, most guys can say whether you are a good (not guaranteed perfect, but good) candidate for a relationship. In the past, that was the point at which I usually talked to a girl about whether she was dating anyone else and whether she wanted to date exclusively.

4. "So since the feelings are so objective initially, why does it hurt when she says no?" Two reasons that I see are A) for guys looking for a relationship, sex is a way of becoming closer to their partner and establishing trust and emotional intimacy. It is a means for a guy to demonstrate that he will be sensitive to satisfying you as well as wanting to get satisfied sexually. When you reject sexual overtures, that is interpreted as "no, I don't want to get that close to you now" and that is a disappointment. B) Would it hurt you if a guy on a first date said, "Well, you've got a cute face, but your boobs are really tiny!"?

AviatorTom · Answer

Rejection hurts... initially... because the guy is no longer getting what he wanted... sex. Very quickly, though, that turns into an opportunity... to find another woman willing to have sex.

coachTanthony · Answer

It's a mans ego deep inside that is hurt. Men are competitors and losing anything hurts the ego.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Back in the day men used to court women with the intention of marrying them. Premarital sex was not socially nor religiously acceptable (not to say it didn’t happen but still). Also women used to respect chivalry much more back then. But now it’s considered “sexist” or worse a sign of weakness which can ultimately land the guy permanently in the friendzone.

So let’s say a man meets an attractive woman. Of course sex will be on his mind but he might really want more than that. Men do want relationships too with the right woman. We do look for that.

So he’s got a choice. Take things slow and get to know her first. Ideally that would lead to a committed and long term sexual relationship. But it’s also a huge risk for him because he might not “claim his stake” in time with sleeping her. He could put in all that time, money, heart, hope, effort, etc just to get friendzoned and that’s by the worst possible outcome for. Most women have zero idea how excruciating that outcome is.

So nowadays more men are going for it first just to make statement and then maybe develop a relationship afterwards. Is that the right thing to do? No, not really. But a lot of guys have concluded they have to make a move early and if they don’t won’t then it will never move on from platonic.

I got a feeling that is what happened to this guy. He liked you for more then sex from the start but he didn’t want to take it too slow and get friendzoned.

RavVid · Answer

Every relationship that ever was has started as a throbbing erection sure.

I think you could understand male disappointment if it turns out she doesn't want to be within a bull's roar of it.

OK, so moving on. Once upon a time she would have said "Oh, thank you but i have a boyfriend". Nothing a guy can take amiss with that and it wasn't hurtful.

Now she might say "Have you looked in a mirror? You're a creep because ugly men shouldn't breath near beautiful women".

I don't actually know if girls do say things like that but from various social media it seems some do and of course guys are going to feel insulted and hurt if they are insulted in a way that is designed to hurt.

I move in more genteel social circles where girls are... more social and genteel. So I don't experience this. I have said before I like partner dancing.

If I ask a girl if she would like to dance she will only say "Yes" and will never say "Have you looked in a mirror?" :) If girls did do the later it would quickly become bent lesbian partner dancing

ohmyguy · Answer

Such harsh labeling... sex is like... duh obviously..
The reason we date each other... but we prefer to have sex with some one who. likes us.. as much as we like them.. rejection hurts cause how easily you flip flop... n toss us aside when your desired mate makes a appearance... n we left winding why you even bothered entertaining us in the first place... we mis represent our selves. so much our partner selection is mostly superficial... immature n can't appropriately evaluate each other so it's no wonder we fall short of our. Expectation of each other like all the time

Lionman95 · Answer

Not everyone just wants sex when they ask a girl. If a guy is really hurt he wasn't looking for sex but was in love with her. Sure she first was an attractive girl but that doesn't mean that a guy can't build up feelings for her. In a day and age where many guys just seem to look for sex there are still guys that look for a relationship.

SimplyPut · Answer

Because we're dumb animals and we let our pride get in the way. A lot of guys are like they might not even want the person but they don't want anybody else to have them and they don't want them to be happy. They just don't like being rejected it hurts there you go their pride and their alpha standing they think

MannMitAntworten · Answer

My favorite part about this post is that someone is automatically assuming themselves as nothing more than a casual liaison to any man who crosses their path. I guess some just know their worth.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Rejection doesn't hurt if you have the right attitude.

DextroShade · Answer

Men get used to rejection because we get rejected over 90% of the time. It's women who flip out if a guy rejects them.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

We don't "just want sex", we actually like the girl and see more potential with her.

worldscolide · Answer

because it suggests that you're somehow unworthy. not true mind you, but it sure feels that way.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I can handle rejection, and it's plain so what hahaha

elaphe · Answer

I think a lot of guys build up a relationship in their minds before they get to know the women well.

Anonymous · Answer

Well for me it's not like that honestly. I want to date first and wait before being intimate. And no matter what your looking for rejection isn't fun but I guess it also depends on how the rejecting is done.

Anonymous · Answer

Most guys want a relationship not just sex. Sometimes a guy just want sex but it'sless common.

Notherndude84 · Answer

I’m not sure, I think we all secretly fear rejection to some degree

Nifrayu · Answer

Sex has always be that last thing I want in a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

I think that's why it hurts them. Because the woman is essentially saying "I'm not sexually attracted to you" or at least in their mind.

DreamLife7 · Answer

At 29 , I dont understand your lack of common sense. He's not hurt bc he doesn't like u.

abelisk · Answer

Because they are still rejected to have sex I guess.

boobliker · Answer

cos that is what makes it hurt (the no sex)

shortster · Answer

Nobody wants to feel unwanted

Guys, why does rejection hurt so much, when in the beginning, all you initially want is sex?

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What Girls & Guys Said

I can handle rejection, and it's plain so what hahaha

Guys, why does rejection hurt so much, when in the beginning, all you initially want is sex?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I can handle rejection, and it's plain so what hahaha

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