Agree or Disagree: If you're not dating for marriage than you shouldn't be dating?

[coachTanthony]

Agree

Disagree

Updates

3 mo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qet93A-90jk

[OlderAndWiser]

If you date only to find a partner for marriage, then many people won't be dating until they are at least 24-25 years old. How would these people learn anything about dating and about their preferences, desires, turn ons and turn offs if they haven't dated before then?

[RossyBoi]

I'm 25 and I've never dated. You can ask me.

[OlderAndWiser]

Right!

[TenderFantasy]

I didn't date till I was in my late twenties. It didn't bother me. If I had dated earlier, maybe I would be a single mother right now because of all the lose moralities of people.

Also, in a sense, you're STILL trying to find someone compatible for you even if it didn't lead to marriage so what you said doesn't really make sense.

[OlderAndWiser]

@TenderFantasy

1. There are things that I learned about myself, my preferences in dating, and what I needed in a partner that I learned only when I started dating.

2. I dated very little until I was 21 years old. I've been there and done that.

3. "Also, in a sense, you're STILL trying to find someone compatible for you even if it didn't lead to marriage" We are talking about people not wanting to get married now, and whether they should be dating. And I say they should, even if it does not lead to marriage. I think you have misunderstood either the question or my response.

[TenderFantasy]

I agreed with the OP. If you're dating, there has to be a purpose otherwise you're just wasting each other's time. Or maybe I am talking about dating as in having an actual relationship. Either way, there HAS to be a purpose why you are there, next to that person, across the table from you, or next to you on your bed, couch, etc. And there HAS to be the same goals (not even similar) for it to even work, otherwise, both of you are just running into a wall at high speed. That's what I was saying.

Sure, you can enjoy casual dating, that's fine, but I think it's immoral to lead someone on and having them think it will lead to an actual marriage and family while the other person is just stringing the person along.

[OlderAndWiser]

@TenderFantasy I am certainly not advocating for being deceptive in dating relationships. Bt what you are saying is that 16 and 17 year old kids shouldn't be dating because their goal at that point in their lives shouldn't be marriage. And I am saying that gathering experiences in dating relationships help you to refine your ideas about what constitutes a good partner for you, even if your immediate goal is not marriage, so there is a point in dating even if you don't want to get married in the next 2-3 years.

[TenderFantasy]

@OlderAndWiser I think you mean "SHOULD be dating for marriage". And no, I wasn't saying that. But when I was 16/17 for example, I DIDN'T date, or at least make it my number one priority. My priorities were getting my driver's license and getting good enough grades to make it into a good college. Heck, even just graduating high school with their rigorous curriculums and all. Dating was something I did/participated in on a group setting only, if at all. I double dated a lot of the time with my friend's that were couple's and we went to the mall or went bowling, etc. One thing that differenciated that type of dating to the dating I am doing now is the seriousness of it. I didn't have sex when I was 16/17 because I was terrified of getting pregnant when I was still in school and didn't have the proper means to raise a baby well, and I was thinking neither did my 17 year old partner! And most dating I was involved in, yeah, as I stated, didn't involve sex.

So yes, I'm not saying that that's what a teen's main goals should be (actually now that I think about it, some couples DID marry right after high school or when they got to college, weirdly enough). But with this question, I was assuming that all parties were above 18 (like way above) and were two matured folks that were moral.

[OlderAndWiser]

@TenderFantasy So you were dating even though your goal was not marriage. That's okay. I'm not saying that people should pretend to be in deep relationships when that is not their goal. I'm just saying that dating provides some experiences that help people mature so that, when they do look for a long term partner, they will hopefully make better choices.

[TenderFantasy]

@OlderAndWiser I see. And no, maybe you misunderstood me. I was NOT dating. I was saying that hypothetically, if I WERE to date privately, vs. in a group setting, that's what I'd be terrified of for me and my partner.. if I had one at the time. Minors, really too young to work to provide for baby, and have to go to college as well? I already had enough to deal with at the time (or so I thought). Plus, I cared too much about what my classmates were going to think of me. Yeah, I was that impressionable (and maybe stupid) lol.

[StarWarGirl]

If we are dating in young age it's fine to date without keeping marriage in mind because dating helps us to know about us more and about relationships. It teaches us how to maintain relationships or how does it works which is very different than bookish knowledge. So it's completely fine. After we learn everything then it's upto person choice if they want to get married or not. Not everyone wants to get married. Some simply wants a company. Marriage doesn't suits everybody.

[mandyfire98]

Disagree. People can't date just to enjoy each other? Considering most marriages end in divorce I'd say marriage is overrated. Highly overrated. Divorce rate is 35 to 50 percent for first marriages and 65 to 70 percent for second marriages.

Now if you are wanting to date fir marriage than good on you. Do it.

But it's not the only reason. Love means more than just a written contract.

[adam6402]

Love also means more than just going for as many years as you can be bothered with. True love is for a lifetime.

[mandyfire98]

Yeah but marriage technically has nothing to do with that. A couple can be together their whole lives without signing a marriage license.

[adam6402]

Yeah I get your point. I don't believe in dating at all tbh. None of my grandparent's offspring (on both my parent's sides) dated and not a single marriage in the family has failed.

[mandyfire98]

Was it arranged marriage?

[molonski2]

Completely and utterly disagree , what a tiny focus that would be to consider one only potential outcome? Life is so much more than that , I'm thinking now of someone I've known for 17 years , if I had that view it never would have happened.

Could not disagree more , and its absolute tunnel vision to think otherwise , like is many shades of grey , not black / white.

[coachTanthony]

lol.

[HaveNoName]

This is the thing. If there was such a thing as man and woman having absolutely no physical tension despite finding the person attractive or even charming and pleasant, then you could simply be friends with the promise of no physical friendship and not even hugging and kissing. Unfortunately, such a thing does not exist. If people think it does, they are delusional and fooling themselves.

So then what !!! Man and woman were naturally created for each other. How can you have a lonely life after 60s with no support system !!!

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

I think it's OK to go on dates to find out if the person fully interests you for a long-term relationship which may include marriage. I certainly had some dates and a short term relationship or two that I knew were not going to end with a long-term relationship or marriage. If I could change that I would.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

The true challenge is determining if your date is also in "it" for the long haul. Humans are deceiving

[TenderFantasy]

"Humans are deceiving". Got that right 1000%!

[Daniela1982]

You could be dating for companionship, or some other reason than marriage. Anymore it is mor for a hookup than marriage. Or they may want to interbreed with an alien.

Ha! The date I had with a human I turned him into soup and sucked him up in a straw! 😂🤣

[AnotherDay88]

I know a couple of women in their 70s ( family members) who have been dating since teenage years. Now they're single and regretting they didn't settle down.

Plus dating is hard work. At one point a person wants to be comfortable with a loved one.

[HawkPerception]

Oh and it's gonna be even worse soon with all the girls who are following the trend of "I don't need a man to be happy" 😂

[TenderFantasy]

@HawkPerception Actually a lot of Males are like that too. Why do you think they created a term for them? MGTOW, Red Pillers, etc.

[HawkPerception]

Women in the west are more like this than men. There's a term called passport bros being tossed around nowadays because men are choosing to leave the west to find traditional women in other countries.

[exitseven]

No, sometimes you just want to be with somebody because they are fun to be with or share similar interests. Or maybe it is just a physical attraction. I dated some people that I knew was just a relationship that was fun for now but knew that it was not forever. I really enjoyed those relationships and I think that they enjoyed it too.

[TenderFantasy]

But why do that to them and then you leave? My ex did that and it hurt me a lot. Why be with them if you're just going to leave?

Dating is like a friendship?

Dating should be a test if you are marriage worthy. That's how my recent ex did things.

[exitseven]

@TenderFantasy DAting is like trying on shoes. You try them on for size and maybe they don;t fit right ar they look funny or you don't like the color. So toy put them in the box and try on a new pair.. Dating is tough.

[TenderFantasy]

@exitseven yeah. People have such high standards, sometimes impossible standards these days. It was like my ex was wanting Ms. Perfect. It was sad. In that case, I sometimes envied people who had arraigned marriages. In a way, they were FORCED to accept their partner in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, till death. There were no excuses.

[Apple1996]

I agree with this. Get out of the game if you ain't playing seriously. If they want to be in the hookup/fuck around game they can go do that but keep it separate from dating

[Dargil]

Some men and women want a stable supply of sexual intimacy and "feeling loved". That is what a Friends With Benefits is for.

[msc545]

Yes, exactly correct. There are a bunch of people on here that seem to that if you go out with a person one time you then should get married or pretty damn close to that.

These are people that are going to be alone for the rest of their lives because their expectations are completely unreasonable. Of course they will not change them. They would rather be alone than be wrong.

[msc545]

I just looked at that YouTube video that you posted. That guy is an idiot that has absolutely no idea what the hell he is talking about.

I really have a problem with amateur psychologists.

[coachTanthony]

@msc545 LOL because someone called MSC545 says so on GAG LMAO okay.

[msc545]

No, I think it's much more important to listen to people like you who make their living by persuading men to do things that are not in their best interests. I like you but it really disappoints me that you take this position.

[brightpapaya]

In my culture a lot of people never marry... so that would mean no one should date? Some of the couples I know have been together for 10+ or even 20+ years without being married.

[AnusNdaPainus]

By that logic nobody has any right to be upset about being cheated on

When so many fear committment

[brightpapaya]

@AnusNdaPainus Wait what? They're in committed relationships, there's just no rings and papers involved... it doesn't mean that cheating is allowed. :')

[JHAYES317]

That’s absurd frankly…if it’s been more than 5 years honestly without getting married something’s going on…

[Simslover92]

Agree. It should eventually lead to marriage imho. Otherwise it's just long term hooking up.

[msc545]

So what? How is getting married with all the pitfalls and legal risks better?

[Simslover92]

It's not necessarily better but if you're really in love and plan accordingly, then there won't be many pitfalls or legal risks. But marriage is a gamble you have to be willing to take if you really love that person. It's worth it to me if the love is there. There are many successful marriages out there despite the stats that say otherwise.

[msc545]

"But marriage is a gamble you have to be willing to take if you really love that person."

You do NOT have to be willing to take the legal risk of marriage.

It is entirely possible to love someone without taking the risk of your life being ruined - you just live with them, no marriage.

[TenderFantasy]

@msc545 You don't have to get married to someone to have them ruin your life as well. Anyone careless and powerful enough to do so, could!

[msc545]

@TenderFantasy If you are married to a woman she can use the family law court to ruin your life, and many women do this since these courts are solidly biased against men.

If you are not married to a woman, she can ruin your life using the police by making false accusations, but many women are reluctant to do this for fear of their lies being exposed.

There is still NO reason to ever get married.

[Simslover92]

@msc545 your life will not be ruined if you marry the right person. Marriage can be risky if you marry someone say that's in it for all the wrong reasons like for financial gain but you should have good discernment to know that you're marrying a person who won't end up screwing up your life and not in it for the money. It can sometimes be a gamble but it's worth it like I said before if you really love that person and they love you.

But I get where you're coming from. I wasn't a person that believed in marriage before I met my boyfriend and I'm honestly still on the fence about it but we're in love with each other and see it lasting so why not get married? I don't see us ever splitting up and if somehow it ever came to that, I wouldn't take him for all he's worth. I'm not like that and there are many women out there who aren't like that.

[msc545]

Seems like a lot of men have difficulty identifying "the right person", and pay a heavy price because they got it wrong.

[TenderFantasy]

@msc545 Honestly, people are supposed to stick to each other even on rainy days but people want the easy way out nowadays because they can. It's rather sad.

[msc545]

Yeah you call staying with somebody that can't stand you and that you can't stand doing things the right way. No thank you. Life is too short for misery and life is too short to meet manipulated by somebody who is supposed to care about you. Marriage is not safe for men.

[RavenDarkheart]

Disagree: Dating can be for a lot of reasons. Long term relationships don’t really need to be a factor in some situations.

[JHAYES317]

I disagree with that…I don’t think you can “casually” date someone long term unless you are literally just fuck buddies…but even then someone usually catches feelings

[RavenDarkheart]

@JHAYES317 ok, the question said “dating,” it may be a new concept to some guys, but you can date someone and it not involve sex. But, everyone is has a right to their views. No hate intended.

[JHAYES317]

@ravendarkheart I agree that you can date someone and it not involve sex if you are asexual or a similar situation. But otherwise, a sexless marriage is usually a sign that things are going wrong…

[RavenDarkheart]

@JHAYES317 again, the topic was dating not having to lead to marriage.

[Bricealan]

I date for companionship, Coach, someone to dine with, got to concerts, travel, etc. Don't think I ever dated with the sole purpose of marriage.

[TenderFantasy]

So your other dates can also date five other people and have sex with them?

Seems more like either a friendship or a polyamous type of relationship.

[Bricealan]

@TenderFantasy I have never looked at a date or dates as some preliminary to a marriage or a 'committed' relationship. Call it what you like. Relationships evolve

[TenderFantasy]

"Relationships evolve". Not sure I am understanding. My ex, for example, he treated the dating phase like it was a job interview. If I checked these boxes but not others, etc. Like it was a test drive to see if he would actually buy the car. Sad but true?

[Bricealan]

@TenderFantasy You only get to know a person by spending time with them, agree? If you date and find the person is good for you and you are good for them, the dating phase evolves into a relationship and then hopefully some commitment and possibly marriage.
Do you not understand how dating someone can 'evolve' into some deeper relationship?

[TenderFantasy]

@Bricealan Well with him, we jumped to being exclusive rather fast and I didn't mind that (maybe he was too excited to finally have a girlfriend? Or was THAT attracted to me? Lol).

[Anpu23]

What's wrong with just having fun? I think that there's dating and flirting because it's fun. Sex as well, it feels good and can be a good time.

[TenderFantasy]

So you don't mind your partner fucking and being romantic with five other guys? Interesting.

[CozyCoffin]

Nope. I know people that have remained boyfriend and girlfriend for over twenty years. Marriage to many people is just a legal thing that could very well bite them in the ass.

[TenderFantasy]

Maybe because many people are also not as religious as they were before. My parents did the whole walk down the aisle in church thing.

I think only in "recent" times did the government get involved in what is supposed to be a personal thing?

People marry in Court Houses now more than in the past. So it tells me it's more about legal stuff than emotional and religious.

[msc545]

Disagree. There are other reasons to date besides marriage. Not every man is reckless or stupid enough to want marriage.

[msc545]

Besides, it's a practical matter other than online dating. There is no reliable place to meet women. It's too bad that this is all there is because online dating is basically a toxic cesspool.

[HelpfulWoman]

Easy no. You can have different goals in dating. Just being honest about them is what matters.

[Zestyassmf1997]

Personally, I can’t think of any other reason to date.

[IceCreamSandwich]

Dating is the preface for a lot of different relationships, and marriage is only one of the possibilities. It's silly and kind of arrogant to say everyone should take that one option you think is best or else not have any relationship at all.

[TenderFantasy]

I think that's been the traditional route though.

But sadly, times are changing. Okay sadly/not sadly? Lol.

https://youtu.be/_H_RrMH4WV8?si=QZ71SAIF4rlGdBIs

[IceCreamSandwich]

@TenderFantasy marriage? Sort of. Long term, committed relationships have always been the most common end-goal relationships in society. Whether that's specifically in a government/religious lifelong contract is a different question. Just because people aren't getting married doesn't mean they aren't becoming exclusive, moving in together, and/or raising families together.

[Anonymous]

I would word it differently. I'd say if your ultimate goal isn't marriage then why are you dating? I mean I'm not saying you should be insta-proposing to someone. But if your goal is just to play the field then you're wasting people's time. At least have the decency to tell them you're just playing the field.

[Booklover_90]

I personally agree. I want to be married. I don’t want to have to date around before meeting my husband.

[TenderFantasy]

What's weird is I don't think people here really understand the purpose of marriage. From what I've observed is that they are thinking that marriage is a bad deal. So far, from what I gather, it's someone to support you, someone to grow old and have children with. Someone who will be there for you through thick and thin, better or for worse, someone you can count on, your partner, etc. Not someone who will leave when the going gets rough or is just more casual.

[Guido]

Isn't that the purpose of dating to find a person to marry. Otherwise friends with benefits or hookups work for sex with no attachments.