This girl I'm dating is going through a lot, she said we should stay friends?

[supermedic1999]

Hi y'all, I'm kinda in a sticky situation and need your advice.

I've been dating this girl for about 2 months, been on around 4-5 dates with her. (I went on vacation and she had a work trip so that's why we only went on 4-5 dates) She would tell me she missed me and our past dates have gone well. I saw her tonight and we got dinner. During dinner, the vibe was very low and she appeared to be very sad and depressed. She told me she is going through a lot of family issues and is not in the best place emotionally. 3 people died in her family recently and her sister and her are going through a big fight.

She told me maybe it's best if we stay friends for now, and she said that she doesn't want to hold me back from finding someone else. I asked her if there's ever a chance for us to be more than friends again and she said that she doesn't know. She said she understands if I want to stop communication with her.

I said it's maybe best if we take some time away from each other for now. She said she's not going to reach out until I do, just to respect that. We hugged and went our separate ways.

What do you y'all think of my situation?

[Anonymous]

Dude she just broke up with you. Well, not really a break up since you both were never an item. You were just some guy she went out with a few times.

“She told me maybe it's best if we stay friends for now, and she said that she doesn't want to hold me back from finding someone else. I asked her if there's ever a chance for us to be more than friends again and she said that SHE DOESN’T KNOW. She said she understands if I want to stop communication with her.”

Wow. Sounds like she was really crazy about you. Practically smitten.

“I said it's maybe best if we take some time away from each other for now. She said she's not going to reach out until I do, just to respect that.”

How diplomatic of you. Way to finish what she started and do her work for her—giving you the brush off and parting ways.

Basically what she just did to you is this

1) The old “It’s Not You It’s Me” line/trick

2) The reverse “Don’t Call Me... I’ll Call You.”

So... WHEN, exactly, are you to “reach out” in the near future? Was this discussed? Doubtful. I mean assuming she is grieving and is dealing with multiple deaths (ASSUMING ahem 🙄) when is she going to be ready, so to speak, to renew your dating?

You have no way to ever know.

And she isn’t going to contact you to let you know. Ever. Her life will go on.

I don’t say these things to be mean, or insulting, and while I may come off as rude the facts are that she just ditched you. You went out a few times, 4-5, and at that point things USUALLY start to get a little more serious... or they don’t.

She just decided it won’t.

Don’t take it personal. She probably is seeing some other guy. Or she wanted a way to exit the dating with you gracefully and still appear like someone who isn’t just dumping someone. “Remain friends...”🙄 Gimme a break. Were you EVER “friends?” Did you want to be her “friend”?

Nah. You wanted to get to know her, hopefully make her your girlfriend, and sleep together.

She decided on something else. So somehow... even though you are to “remain friends” you’re also not hanging out, talking, or doing any of the things that friends do.

Got it. 👍🙄

Move on man. There is plenty of other tail in the world.

[supermedic1999]

Thank you for your opinion, those are some valid points. Just to provide more context, When she went on her work trip she didn't contact me for 3 weeks, and said the reason why is because of the 3 deaths and family issues. I told her that it kinda hurt because it seemed to me like I was ghosted and that's when she said maybe we should stay friends. During our dinner she seemed more distraught over with the fight with her sister. She told me she is in a love triangle with her sister. Her and her sister work with this guy at work, and he made hints that he likes her but her sister likes this guy. Her sister would get furious and pick fights with her even though she doesn't like him back. She told me she would avoid work meetings so her sister doesn't get more furious with her.

About the reaching out part, I have thought about giving her a week to calm her emotions then check in with her with "hey, how are things with you?"

[Truthatanycost]

'I asked her if there's ever a chance for us to be more than friends again'

As soon as you asked this needy question, it was over. That question was a great way to destroy any remaining attraction.

'She said she's not going to reach out until I do, just to respect that.'

Not something she'd be saying to a man she was interested in.

[Staximus]

I think you should ask her to go do something fun this weekend that will distract her from her troubles and grief for a few hours. Take her to see a band, or out to dinner or lunch, or miniature golfing, take a walk in the beach or some shit

[laly520]

better remain friends with her
its over