Am I being controlling towards my man?

[yeyeh]

I’ve been talking to this guy for about 1 month now and were working towards a relationship. Today I went through his following and realised he was following a ex best friend of mine that we both really dislike each other now. I told him to block her and if he doesn’t I won’t speak to him ever again. His saying that his not going to block her because I’m trying to control him and that he have nothing to do with our issues. His always tells me he loves me so now i’m starting to think he doesn’t because it shouldn’t be that hard to block a girl.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ouch, that's a tough situation. On one hand, I can see why you wouldn't want him following someone you have bad history with. But at the same time, forcing him to do something like block her could come across as controlling.

A few thoughts - have you talked to him about why it bothers you, aside from just your issues with her? Explaining how it makes you feel insecure or worried about drama down the line might help him understand better. And you guys are still pretty new, so I'm sure he doesn't want to mess things up either.

Second, the threat to break up if he doesn't wasn't the best move - that only pressures him more. If he really cares about you, he'll want to earn your trust over time in a healthy way.

Maybe apologize for coming on too strong, but still share how it affected you honestly and calmly. Ask if you can both agree to be transparent going forward so neither feels threatened. Compromise and communication are important, especially this early on.

I'm sure it'll work out as long as you both listen to each other and meet in the middle. Hope this helps - let me know if you need any other advice!

[LeeVan]

Just because you're petty and can't get along with others doesn't mean he needs to isolate himself. He's a human, not a pawn or a bargaining chip in your fight against your "ex best friend."

Sounds like you can't get over a grudge and you're trying to put him on a figurative island where the only options are talk to you or starve.

If you hate your "ex best friend" so much, not talking to her ever again should be more than enough. And if it isn't enough, seek professional help.

[IslaTheWitch]

who he follows is not your concern; his friends, colleagues, and people he simply likes are HIS stuff. He doesn't need your approval to like or dislike people. And yes, it's controlling AF. He is a separate human being and definitely NOT your kid to do what you tell him to do.

[KrakenAttackin]

@IslaTheWitch Well said.

[Jessica405]

Issuing a decree like that IS controlling. You are giving him an ultimatum. Do this or I'll leave. You should have full trust in your guy. If you don't, then leave.

[yeyeh]

It’s not about not trusting him it’s more about why you following a girl that hates my guts

[DarkLegacy]

Yes you are being petty and controlling. Would you block an male ex friend of his if he told you to do so. I very much doubt you would. This is the problem with modern relationships, women trying to control men's social media activities amongst other things.

I would not stand for this and simply drop you

[7Phoenix7]

Yes, that's controlling. Why do you feel the need to force him to block her? If you don't trust him than that's what you guys need to have a conversation about.

[yeyeh]

It’s not about not trusting him it’s more about why you following a girl that hates my guts

[7Phoenix7]

What is his reason?

[yeyeh]

His reason for not unfollowing her is his had her for a while and he doesn’t have a issue with her so he can’t block her

[7Phoenix7]

Okay, important thing is to make sure your delivery is in check. When you have an issue, come to him in a way that isn't gonna make him feel like you're attacking him. Let him know how you feel about the situation and then let him respond.

Unless he's doing other things in your relationship that are disrespectful or rude, I'd let this go.

[Chazmatazz269]

It’s not your decision to make.
Your decision is whether or not to continue the relationship based upon the strength of your feelings about his decision.

[CriticalCatDad123]

Yeeeeeah, that’s quite controlling… I mean wouldn’t you consider it controlling if he did the same to you?

[yeyeh]

I know but this is a girl that literally hates me

[CriticalCatDad123]

So what?

[laly520]

controlling yes altho it isn't nice at all to follow a girl u hated

feels like he is siding with an enemy being ok to keep her?

[yeyeh]

Yes that’s what it feels like

[laly520]

ig there is nothing to do about it if he chose to keep her

[jahaims]

People don't fall in love after casually dating for a month. You are both immature. You believe he can love you after a month and he wants to keep toxic relationships around.

[yeyeh]

I don’t believe he loves me and I tell him this all the time.

[jahaims]

Then, you still maintain a relationship with someone immature enough to make such a claim

[spartan55]

You would be out the door so fast with me...

[JacobJordan]

He should have dumped you immediately.