How do I approach a guy when I have high social anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Guy has noticed me staring at him a few times now he’s looking at me too and coming near me a lot more. Problem is I have high anxiety so I can’t really look at him if he’s looking at me which may make him think I’m not interested. Need some tips on how to approach besides “just do it”

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, I can totally relate to feeling super anxious about that kind of stuff. Approaching a cute guy is nerve-wracking! But it seems like he's into you too, so that's a good sign.

Maybe start with a little smile if you make eye contact from across the room. Like a little shy one so he knows you're friendly. And then next time you're near each other, maybe say hi and compliment something simple like his shirt or ask how his day is going. Keep it casual at first so it's low pressure.

You could also use passing him in the hall as an excuse to start chatting. Like "oops sorry, didn't mean to almost run into you! Hope you have a good rest of your day!" Something quick so it's not so intense.

Oh and smile more in general when you're near each other! Smiling is contagious and it'll help you feel less nervous. Plus guys probably dig a cute, smiley girl. You got this - just take it slow and remember that he already thinks you're awesome for noticing you back!

[Truthatanycost]

You don't. You address that first because it's more of a priority than some guy...

[Asker]

And how exactly do you address, social anxiety without being social?

[Truthatanycost]

There is a big difference between being social and approaching a guy you like. This is due to the additional pressure created from the desired outcome.

[Asker]

True, thanks

[shoeboxcerealcard]

The other way is going to take longer. Just approach him. Your mindset is the problem and that is based on your beliefs. I can explain how to alter your beliefs in order to help you behave the way you want but it would take longer and you probably wouldn't understand. Life is short. You may have 4 years left to live for all you know.

But I'll give you a technique I've heard men using. It is this: As soon as you get the chance to approach him, don't think about it, just do it. Do it without thinking about it. Do it quickly. That will allow you to bypass your conditioning. Don't wait for this guy to approach you. He's probably scared too. If you want him go get him.

[Asker]

It’s not really a mindset, I’m autistic lol. I’m not trying to fully blame that but I have been like this since I was a child, it’s hard to just think myself into a different mindset. But thank you for your input I guess..

[laly520]

r u good with short talk? cuz u could use it before getting to ask him about himself to show more interest in him

[Asker]

Yeah that’s the problem I can’t do small talk lol

[laly520]

do u think u two got any common interests?

[Asker]

Hmm I don’t really know him so I don’t know.

[laly520]

did u try adding him online? texting him would make it easier to approach him irl

[Asker]

No sorry I should have clarified this is at the gym so I don’t know him at all but I see him nearly every day

[laly520]

tough one cuz at gym lot of guys dont wanna be approached
u could maybe try outside of gym