Is it bad to still be good friends with an ex that is still sexually attracted to you?

Question

So I was trying to be a supportive friend last night because he is going through a lot with his family. His mom and dad and grandma are all very sick and he confided in me about how he has to help out a lot.

But he was super drunk also and eventually the conversation took a major turn where he expressed being still into me sexually and wanted to come up to see me on Friday. Mind you he knows about the new guy and that we have a date Saturday and apart of me feels like it's his way of trying to sabotage things.

Now the old me would have jumped at the chance but I really like this new guy and don't want to fuck it up and I know that would certainly fuck things up so I declined.

Apart of me feels kind of bad for him because I know he's going through a lot but after what he put me through, I said I would never go down that road again with him.

Did I do the right thing? Because me and the new guy aren't exclusive but going back to an ex for that just feels sleazy and wrong.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

Yeah definitely rightful choice.

1.) ex for a reason

2.) anybody can do sex with you. Sex is not at all difficult to come by.

3.) you matter

4.) this new person deserves the PROPER chance to see what can become of it

With this in mind, you know it’s wiser to let a drunkard who doesn’t consider others, and tries to be sexual while under the influence (can’t be blamed for it in his mind), to sort his own difficulties while you tend to your own. Cause he didn’t help you with yours and fueled the fire to some of your pains/ struggles. If he wants to hang out he can WAIT and wait for a group hang out. You the new guy and he in a span of time where you and the new guy know each other well and comfortably. This way the drunk can be friends with both of you and not do thing shady or try to influence/manipulate your heart/emotions for his own personal gain.

If he cared 1% for you as a person he’d try to respect your feelings about this new guy and your plans to have a date. Since he doesn’t seem to care he just wants to invite himself and step all over anything you consider of value. I don't know where his mind is at but that’s just totally unfair to you and this new lad.

I fully support your decision. I’m glad you’re taking better steps for yourself and not being hesitant or unsure. It seems like progress and I hope it will only improve and increase with time. :]

Account · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I don't think it is a good idea to remain friends with an ex even if it was an amicable breakup.
The only way I could somehow see this working would be if and only if a long time has passed after no contact period and if and only if both parts have gotten over the other person in a romantic/sexual way.
But even if those criteria are met, is it fair for to be friends with an ex if you are in a new relationship? I mean, how would you feel if it was the other way around? For example if your new relationship was still friends with their ex?

Angelo75 · Accepted Answer

Well, have you considered the following?

Women tend to be more caring and often times show more mercy than men. So if a guy would give you a sad story, you might lower your guards for him to "get" into your head.

To be straight-foward, life isn't easy. Sh@t happens. A lot of sh@t. sadly.

So wether or not you're there, he's gonna many blows in life.
The fact that he's was drunk means in his mind he might be trying to "run away" from solving problems instead of "confronting problems and solving".

Even staying around him or keeping him in your contact list actually is already putting you in a lot of danger to fall for him again.

And either way it's wrong since you have a new guy. Just wish the ex a good life and block him. Simply stay very far away and indulge with the new guy.

I tried explaining "the short version". Hopefuly you'll listen and just move on.

The ex need to man up, and you being there is only gonna make him stay vulnerable for longer. If he truly needs support, that can build him up mentally, he'll need male-friends to help him "reason" through the situations with thoughts.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Your a good person and it your nature to love to help because you feel things deeper than most.. but right now this is your time and only your time
Your space and only yours it's not even your need guys space.
This is a moment in time of growth learning wisdom love for yourself and only you what you gain in this time you will need for you

And your right because in this moment there will always be something to take you away from it. You have to stay in the moment with no negative dramas or energy's the moment you allow it to enter your moment is over. Don't allow it

Finchie40 · Answer

You did the right thing , an ex is an ex for a reason , I am currently dealing with similar shit with my ex that I I still care about that wanted to work things out between us , because we were married for a long time and have kids’ together , so I been stuck in the middle of what to do , I was kind of leaning towards working things out and then it hit me like a ton of bricks that things aren’t going to change , she is already giving me ultimatums , which ultimatums do not sit well with me , she basically wants things her way and only her way , and that’s when I took a big step back and said Fuck that , I realized I rather be single then deal with her selfishness. So if you are already seeing someone else , you are best to focus on them and not let your ex get in between that whatsoever, If I had someone else , my ex wouldn’t even have a chance with me period

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

You did the right thing. That would have been sleazy and wrong. Also, it would be a dumb decision. I don't even know the story with the ex, but I can tell you it's a bad idea to be friends with him, just based on what's here.

You did the right thing. As far as I understand it was an unhappy relationship. It would be a bad thing for you to get involved with that again.

For so many reasons

You did the right thing.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

This is EXACTLY why you should never try to maintain a "platonic" relationship with an ex! Are you going to tell the new guy about what has happened, or will you hide it from him?

DishLady · Answer

He'll possibly register your "friendship" a certain way, misunderstanding that you're still around bc you want him. If you're serious about not wanting him you shouldn't be anywhere around him.

aceleon · Answer

Not exclusive? Girl wtf? Please don't tell me this is the non-monogamy shit? İf you are with someone you are with someone, you 2 have those kind of intentions with each other, you are seeing him for you like hım, if you go fuck your ex right now it is cheating, tounare not little kids, you don't have to make every little thing known toneach other or spelled out loud, if you like this New guy like you claim do both of you a favour and don't go fuck your ex behind his back and make hım a cuck even before he has his chance will ya?

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

You absolutely did the right thing! The breakup must have had a reason. You are blocking your new blessings by going back again. It's actually good that you were firm with your boundaries. Keep going, girl.

Answering the question, I would never talk to an ex who's still sexually attracted with me. They will try and try to convince you to go back (and even reminisce 🥴) and it will mess with your mind, heart, and your new potential lover.

Jove79 · Answer

Your not “friends” with your ex.. don’t call him your “friend”. He’s your ex.. that’s all he is to you.. either on good or bad terms, he’s your ex.

If I’m dating you, and I told you I have a friend, and she’s actually my ex.. would you see that other woman as a regular “friend”? No she’s my ex..

Good thing you declined, because the ex could be just trying to drag you back into the hole, of a repeated toxic cycle. But from past experience, girls love drunk loser ex’s.. they always cheat for them and crawl back.

Personally I think, if you have something nice going on, ignore the ex and focus on yourself and your new person.

Truthatanycost · Answer

If you want this new guy to take you seriously then this behavior is not the way. But I sense a lot of soul ties, regret, pain, messy breakups, dysfunctional relationships and inability to make clean breaks here.

Cormac995 · Answer

You did the right thing. There are lines in the sand about what you can ask for when your hurting and sex fr4om an ex isn't one of them. As a rule of thumb staying friends with an ex especially one you've been sexual with is a bad idea and it will always make any man you date in the future feel uncomfortable.

OneViewpoint · Answer

I don't know about sleazy and wrong but it doesn't sound intelligent based on what you've described. You put that ex in the rear view mirror for a reason. Leave him there. It's not your job to fix every broken stray. He'll figure it out, or not. He should have thought about the consequences of being alone long before this.

Tarifa · Answer

This goes way beyond being good friends. If he's still attracted to you, that's going to be a slippery slope for you if you accept his advances.

If you don't want to blow your chances with the guy you're interested in now, just say 'no' to you ex.

Screenwriter · Answer

I think when males are stressed, they use sex as decompression valves. This urge isn't about you, it's about the situation he's in. I don't think it. has a thing to do with your being with a new guy either. It's not about you. It's completely about HIM and where HE's at.

Don't get involved with this guy again. He's an ex for a reason.

Miristheiss · Answer

If you are committed to someone else now and you have a new serious boyfriend or girlfriend you should not keep in contact with exes.

They are a fool if they keep dating you under those conditions. Any wise person would just move on to someone better who keeps healthy boundaries.

Abbycado · Answer

Yeah, I’m not friends with my ex and it was an amicable breakup. I wish him all the best but not going back down that path.

AnonAndrew · Answer

I mean, it's up to you. If you want to sleep with him, then I think you should. Nothing wrong with that.

But if you're into him any more, then don't. You don't have to sleep with a guy just to make him feel better.

exitseven · Answer

you did the right thing. if you keep this up you will screw up your new relationship. No guy wants sloppy seconds.

NathanDavis · Answer

I think it is a TERRIBLY bad idea using a very vulnerable and negative situation and mix it up with lust... big NOPE...

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Being friends with an ex at all is a bad idea.

Rimaisme · Answer

It's not a bad idea to remain friends with ex. It's terrible one. Just my opinion.

sage2021 · Answer

I don't believe it's so much that it's bad as it might be terribly uncomfortable to be around that person.

bddddd · Answer

I don't see any problems with friendships with anyone. You are both adults and can draw a line that you choose to draw. Okay when he is drunk he probably cannot draw a line, but you still can.

talka20 · Answer

Yes i think you made a right choice. And feeling bad doesn't mean that you would end up making him happy or feel supported in bed. You're good.

Anonymous · Answer

I should think so.

There's a woman I know right now that wants to be part of my life. But she only wants to for the benefits she'd recieve. I had to cut her off because that's just not healthy (for her or myself).

TheLovelyWoman · Answer

I am still friend with my exes and we used to fuck.

Katalina04 · Answer

Not since their ones who have seen you without bottom on. Other then your doctor and wax lady.

ABC1x1x · Answer

I good friends with all of my exes. I pick awesome women. Half of them are sexually attracted to me still. And I them. Yes it's good.

nawtee_me · Answer

I don’t think it is bad but it can be tricky since they know your buttons and how to play with them. ;)

Mark987 · Answer

IF you're both single NO. As long as you can both separate your feelings.

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

Leonard and Penny stayed together as friends, and wound up married

blackeagle007 · Answer

I wouldn’t correspond to him when he drinks. Probably not all even better time being.

Anonymous · Answer

Not bad at all, it's always good to have more friends.

Oldschool1981 · Answer

I don't know. My wife sometimes fucks her ex husband but she was clear about that from the start

katiesmuff · Answer

That is something that could lead to many issues.

Avicenna · Answer

Very bad.

WhitneySnow · Answer

You did the right thing

DrPepper12 · Answer

Your gut is right. Always.

PeterLegg91 · Answer

Not a good idea , keep him at an arms length

wkhan_87 · Answer

It is harmful for your current relationship

yotaman99 · Answer

You have to make boundaries

spartan55 · Answer

Shouldn't do it.

Alex-Snow · Answer

Sure why not.

shortster · Answer

Probably

Is it bad to still be good friends with an ex that is still sexually attracted to you?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Is it bad to still be good friends with an ex that is still sexually attracted to you?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.