Are people who claim they’re happier being single really just lying to themselves?

Question

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

No lie is necessary. A bit of ignorance goes a long way. If all you’ve ever known and experienced is lousy relationships, then being single is happier by comparison. We are however social creatures who are biologically driven to reproduce. So never finding a happy, healthy relationship is arguably sad. Only people who have done it know that though, and they are too few and far between.
I like to use the dog bite analogy. If every dog i’ve ever met viciously attacked me, it wouldn’t be difficult to turn away from dogs permanently; never feeling like i’m missing out on anything but pain and suffering. Meanwhile, dog lovers are astounded by my choice. They’re quick to tell me what a huge mistake i’m making, despite not sharing my experience. Even when they see their fur buddy that “would never hurt anyone” viciously attack the same person, they’re going to blame the victim because they can’t imagine a world in which dogs hurt people.
The cognitive dissonance is real, and i’ve seen it myself on both issues.

However, the necessary follow up question should have been included herein.
Why do people who are either in relationships or are unhappy out of relationships insist on hassling those of us who are happy outside of relationships? It’s neverending. The lazy response of “We care” is also wholly untrue. Particularly where the internet is concerned. There isn’t enough care in all of cyberspace to fry an egg. I think it’s because the same cognitive dissonance works in the reverse. You can’t help but wonder if they really are happier. Therefore your less than idealistic romance feels like an unnecessary compromise. What you’re experiencing is what young people have come to call “fear of missing out”.
Suffice it to say, functional singleness is different from functional coupling, neither better nor worse. Just different. If you’re in a lousy relationship because you’re dysfunctional, by all means get out and work on yourself. But there’s no reason to break up a reasonably happy home because someone else looks like they’re having the time of their life footloose and fancy free. It’s just different, not better or worse.

Shiprex · Accepted Answer

The idea of being single isn't quite as simple as being on your own.
People are social beings and thrive with others and not so well alone although men can be quite content living off grid and without much human contact much better than women.

Women are more reliant on social networks while men aren't so the dynamic for each is not the same, take away those networks from women and they become depressed much easier than men. Do the same for men and the result is less so as men tend to be more emotionally self reliant and able to exist on less social interaction, society thinks this a bad thing when there are plenty of men doing it who aren't reliant on therapy, medication for depression and trying to top themselves (men are just better at that than women unfortunately).

Men enjoy partnerships with women as a giving them a purpose unless they get treated like they are not there for a purpose and thus they switch of their masculine provider side and coast as a passenger or emotionally step out and get their single married life mode on where they won't be given a purpose and treated like a passenger by emasculating women they let into their lives. Women enjoy partnerships with men because it gives them someone to build a life with and either join in their journey together for shared creation of something they can both get into. Though too often these days the partnership becomes all about what she wants and she may resent him if she can't get it or she can cause him to have no motivation for the shared goals.

alli-112 · Accepted Answer

I mean, they probably are happier single than in their last failed relationship (it failed for a reason after all), so regardless they're not lying if that's their frame of reference. (And you have to consider that some people would literally rather be in a dying relationship than be single.)

But also like, there are definitely people who are super independent or like aro/ace who might just genuinely not enjoy what being in a relationship means for their day-to-day life, even if a partner were to bring happiness on some level.

Finding the right person is hard and some people just have other priorities they prefer to focus on, ya know?

Rei13 · Accepted Answer

It depends on the person. I was legitimately happy being single, legitimately happy now that I’m in a relationship. Pros and cons to both lol. I do think some people lie about it because it’s easier to just tell people you’re happy then talk about how sad you are about it

ManOnFire · Answer

I think most women who claim to be happy single are lying and you can tell it by the contradictory things they say or do.

Most single men who are not happy will not claim to be happy. The ones who are genuinely do seem to enjoy their lives.

Summeroflove · Answer

This depends on the person I will say being single and having peace is by far better then being miserable with the wrong person. However, people who shout how happy they are from the rooftops… and you’re like okay cool good for you…. NO ME REALLY HAPPY! <angry voice> well you sure seem like it.

DishLady · Answer

Nope. Having gone through a couple of tough breakups I have to say I prefer peace and quiet.

Avicenna · Answer

Some no doubt are, but it’s quite possible to be happier being single if your experiences and current options in dating are poor. Done people are more trouble than they are worth to date.

Orion84 · Answer

I'm sure that some are, but not all of them.

The thing is, while most people would likely lead happy, contented lives if they were in an amazing relationship, not everybody has amazing relationships. Some people are, or have been in, relationships that made them miserable.

When those relationships end, and it comes as an actual relief, then yeah; you can genuinely be happier being single. Plus, you have more time for yourself, and your hobbies. You (generally) have more financial freedom, and personal freedom, as well.

Remaining single can actually end up being the best thing that's ever happened to a person.

Purpleronnie · Answer

Well it’s entirely possible that some are , just like it’s likely fact that some people are in a relationship right now are telling themselves they are happy when they are not.

To your question though. From affirmation to denial , and healing, the absolute truth and of course lying there are many reasons a person might say this. Doesn’t mean that all are or even majority are. Hell I’ve even caught myself saying after a breakup “ why was I even in that relationship “ , it’s the 20/20 vision in hindsight isn’t it. They perhaps recall the worst parts of their failed relationship and proclaim.. “ well I’m happier being single “ .

YourFutureEx · Answer

I am really happier being single and I am totally lying to myself to be honest.

For real though, I really don't need anyone else in my life. All my needs are fulfilled. But it's a closed view. There are a lot of things that you only learn after getting into a relationship.

When you're happily single, you only see bad things in the other side of the view. You see people getting ghosted, gaslighted, lied, manipulated, divorced, cheated. Even though they are in minority, you only see them because you want to assure yourself that you are safe where you are. You sub- consciously ignore all the happy couples or call them lucky exceptions.

You will always be incomplete without a companion. You are not perfect. You need someone to fill your voids. You need someone to complement you. You also need someone to challenge you. You need to be cared and you will realise that you need to care for someone to feel the real fulfillment.

OneViewpoint · Answer

I'm not. At least I don't think I'm lying to myself. I really really honestly do not like most people. And I really do enjoy my freedom to come and go without a leash or worrying about pleasing or at least not offending other people. I don't want to give up a ski trip because a given person can't ski. See ya when I get back. I can't sit on a beach and vegetate for 7 days. See you when you get back. Small talk about nothing with strangers is painful to me. Slowing down a conversation so dumb people can keep up is really annoying. So I control my time and interactions with other people with a vengeance.

Zack-Bann · Answer

100% of the time they are

Some are such good liars that they truly and wholeheartedly believe they are happy being single

That’s when the problem starts

Their repressed longing for companionship, which is a natural wiring for all humans and not a choice, make them behave in destructive and anti social ways in certain situations

Not saying everyone should be running after relationships all the time
But it’s ok to he honest about the fact that being single isn’t better than being in a relationship (with the right person)

Hal2002 · Answer

I know for myself, I am happy being single. Are there times I wish I had a partner, yes. But than I go out and start talking to and listening to women, and in less that and hour I am ready to go home alone.

Being single, I do not have to think of anyone but myself and what I want. I do not have the stress of having to balance what makes me happy, and what is best for a relationship. I have peace in my life, and that peace of mind is a beautiful thing.

Anonymous · Answer

People are lying saying they are happy being single, if you are saying that nonsense and past the age of 25, either a) you haven’t grown up yet, b) you have some mommy-daddy issues from your childhood that you haven’t fixed in your life, c) you’re still attached to an ex, d) you think/assume all x-gender is the same, and while you say such rubbish you see your friends getting married, spending time with their kids and you’re still pursuing a BS job who won’t care about you. Eh, if someone wants to die alone in their apartment with their cat whiskers or their dog sparky because they hate society and they hate people, yeah marriage isn’t for them.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

The people being single I know of are not exactly happy about it. They're just not interested or afraid to get in trouble again, because they don't have excellent relationships to look at from memory.

I believe that if they did have good memories to cherish, they would not throw away the prospect of a romantic bond

LazerBean · Answer

I think it depends on the person, and also depends on how you look at it. I think most people would be happier if they found a good spouse. However, I think many people are also ill-equipped to find a good spouse. It is definitely better to be single than to be tied down to someone who is not compatible with you

jshm2 · Answer

It's not a simple equation.

Some single people haven't hit the social road bump yet, and they will understand when they start frantically calling round looking for help, and told they are having their FAFO moment.

Others are just shutting down the conversation as they see no reason to share their situation with you.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Yes temporarily… they may enjoy some single time. Then they look for cats or dogs. All those single happy people proved they are not happy alone/single. At the end, no one truly want to be alone.

Anonymous · Answer

When I was single all my life until two years ago (I think),

I was happy focusing on myself, rather than thinking about a romance or getting a girlfriend tbh. I went through a breakup, though I’m doing good like it isn’t a weight on my chest the way I thought it would be.

I’m happy being myself, that is all I can be is myself and focusing on being the best me that I can be.

Anonymous · Answer

Only traumatized people would say something like that. These are the types of people who have been hurt so much by their previous partners that they're TOO AFRAID of entering a relationship ever again in their lives.

You never ever hear of a happy, well adjusted person who would say they prefer being alone forever.

Human beings are designed to thrive in communities , we are designed to want and need love, care and affection and the company of others.

CB-Raido-Time · Answer

You have to think about it in putting it into prospective. What might be the alternative if you were to get yourself into a relationship with very strong possibilities? Might you be falsely accused of something? Would you end up living under a bridge to pay child support for your children that you were not even allowed to see? Or would you even end up in prison because you couldn't pay child support or alimony assuming marriage?

MemeSupreme · Answer

no, relationships can be really messy, exhausting, and time consuming

it doesn't mean those people NEVER have moments they wanna be in a relationship, but sometimes its better to stay single. its whatever you need

fonduegirl · Answer

Hard to say. Some are, most aren't. The one who are, well, they must be loners. When you don't have friends, you feel extra bad for not having a date. Otherwise, I doubt not putting yourself out there leaves a large gap as they'd imagine

Nikki1989 · Answer

Generally, yes. It is a defence mechanism they use, that helps them to cope. You can see it every day on here if you read between the lines.

robocop666 · Answer

When people claim they love their relationship they are lying then they get a divorce, when MMA fighters claim " I am not training harder I am training smarter" this is cause they are washed up. When a trainer says "I have never seen him this good? this is cause he is not in his normal shape. People always deny the elephant in the room.

hannamontana · Answer

I believe that, yes, sometimes people do lie. But at the end of the day, everyone needs someone who genuinely admires them and loves them for who they are. It’s about feeling seen and accepted.

Anonymous · Answer

They are just bull shitting theirselves and trying to bullshit other people. There is also a reason why they are alone too, either thay are too fucking ugly, a lard ass, broke as hell, nothing to offer anybody or just a miserable old motherfucker.

Texasgal95 · Answer

I think some people have gotten used to being single so it doesn’t bother them anymore. At least that’s what I think.

BCRanger10 · Answer

I think it's a mix. Some probably are legitimately happy, whereas others only say it as a cope.

Caroline91 · Answer

Not necessarily. It is very possible to he happy being single and definitely better than being miserable in a relationship.

jazzy34 · Answer

No. There are many people who are legitimately happy single.

WhitneySnow · Answer

No. Not all of them. Some people really are happier being single.

FreyaRed · Answer

Some are laying but a lot can easily start a relationship but they don't choose to.

lightbulb27 · Answer

they enjoy freedom but don't talk about their loneliness because they fill the time.

Babygirl_S · Answer

No, unless he’s good for me, I prefer being single instead of fixing someone’s undiagnosed son. Too much for me to lose.

loveslongnails · Answer

No more so than married people or those in a relationship are lying about being happier because they are! LOL

altaboy · Answer

I can't speak for anyone else, but the happiest time of my life was when I was single. That probably speaks most loudly about my choices!

Chocolatetwopointtwo · Answer

no, some people want to be single, some dont. accept that and move on with ur life.

summerallthetime · Answer

You can't miss something you've never had. As some who is single I am genuinely happy. It's hard to know if I would be happier in a relationship never having been in one.

Creagh812 · Answer

I suspect this is true, but I ALSO think that it's rude and suggests that some people expect everyone else to make a bigger fuss for them than everyone else.

rebelkid · Answer

It depends on the individual. I am sure there are many people whom are extremely happy being single.. But u got the ones whom are telling lies to themselves

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

the only people who think you need someone to feel happy are women and incels

onedarkcloud · Answer

Some people are happy being childless, so why can't someone be happy being single?

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Maybe the above chap isn't interested in fat broads !!!

Kuvokin07 · Answer

Yeah most people (especially women) cope to not let others know that they are miserable without a man in their life.

Dreamclouds · Answer

Of course they are lying, there is no such thing just incapable people with too big egos.

Anonymous · Answer

We are not lying. Being single is more comfortable than being married. Believe us.

LiaRaven · Answer

No, they are vey honest lol

serious · Answer

The answer is No.

Flower7 · Answer

No, they are just not as needy.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Some might be, but certainly not all.

Jeff51 · Answer

Im happy being married

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe, it's possible.

Are people who claim they’re happier being single really just lying to themselves?

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