Should I play it cool and let her come to me?

[Anonymous]

This girl has been dating some guy on and off for quite some time now. Everything I hear from her about this guy is that he's not assertive and self conscious and this and that and she just seems to only tell me bad things about him.

At the same time she's showing signs of interest, not consciously or purposefully flirting with me but I can tell she finds me attractive and we enjoy each others' company.

My question is, should I continue to lightly flirt with her but not ask her somewhere and just continue to let her come to me or should I make a move?

I wouldn't want to be the guy she is using for an ego boost and I don't know how she truly feels about this guy she's been dating (for about 4-5 months), so I don't know if I should try to get her attention or kind of neglect her until she figures out what she wants. If she's interested will she come to me?

Updates

+1 y

I don't know what the nature of their relationship is but if they've been dating for so long I'd imagine they're a couple, but she never refers to him as her boyfriend so I don't know what's up with those two

[XRabbitHeartX]

I think you should carry on being with her in a friendly way. Neglecting her purposely is rather silly and drastic. You can still flirt lightly but don't do the whole dates thing and intervene with that. If she really does like you, she will come around and tell you. She is still with a guy after all. But nothing is stopping you from still being friendly with her when you see her. Just don't get too heavy into the flirting cause that is rather wrong, seeing as she has a boyfriend. Just because she talks bad about him does not mean anything. I also have a boyfriend and truthfully sometimes when I"m around my guy friends who liked me in the past I also tend to focus on the bad things to make them feel better cause they'll sometimes ask me how everything is, and I'll say good but this and this is bothering me. I don't know why I do this, it just seems to happen naturally and it's difficult cause I really don't know why.

[Asker]

ok thanks. I'll be friendly + a little flirty but I won't ask her to places where it's just me and her and I'll just see her whenever she's around. Me and her really don't hang out one on one alone it's usually with our group of friends and I don't really text or call her that much so I guess I'll just keep seeing her around but not suddenly start calling or texting her more

[XRabbitHeartX]

Yeah agreed, that seems like the best way :-)

[anita0191]

What do you guys do when you hang out, and what signs is she giving? You sound like you're a little bit friend zoned atm, but that can change if you really want it to but first this girl needs to know what she wants from this other guy. If she doesn't understand how you feel and you just start ignoring her then it will upset her so maybe subtly start to cool it down with her.

[Asker]

She bites her lower lip when she sees me and when I say something Flirty. She teases me and she lets any touch linger. I wouldn't say I'm friendzoned since we're hardly even friends. I've seen her here and there for the past few months since she knows my friends but its only within the past 2 weeks that we've started talking more. And I've shown my interest enough to let her know I like her, for example letting her catch me checking her out then smiling at her. I've got to let her make the moves

[anita0191]

She likes the attention from you so I would say to let her make the moves just to see if it can lead anywhere but like I said she needs to know what she wants, it's not fair if she likes this other guy and is leading you on at the same time. Good luck :)

[Mushroom]

I'd say she is confused about how she feels. About the guy she is with and you. Perhaps she is unsure what she wants from a relationship. I'd say don't make any obvious moves on her. DO a bit of light flirting just so she can suspect you're interested. She'll know that you're an option whilse she works out what she wants. Give it time I'd say.

[Soler12]

Do nothing with her. Be a friend and nothing more... She is playing the martyr in a relationship so of course she is going to bash the guy. If you do make a move she will leave him for you... Yep, but when she gets tired of you she will fall into the same routine and you will inturn be that guy she is complaining about. Once you begin seeing her change and become less of who she was when you met, you will begin to question her every movement.

Let me guess... He is insecure, rude, not what she though he was, has changed?

Respect yourself and draw the line. No more flirting or anything. Find a lady who is single and has been for sometime. No need to put yourself through the agony of being "that guy".