If he takes you home and didn't have sex, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[Anonymous]

I have been hanging out with this guy several times for a month now. We've never been on a date but we talk everyday by text and when we hang out its only the 2 of us and we would kiss. I don't know if he likes me or not. Just yesterday we went to his house, which was empty. We ended up making out on the bed but then stopped cause his maid came in. After his maid left, we didn't do anything else, we were pretty much just chilling.

I seriously thought he was gonna make a move to have sex with me. I personally wouldn't want to have sex with him now cause we're not even dating. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Does that mean he respects me or he doesn't want me? I don't know what he wants. I think he was just looking for a fling cause he hasn't asked me out on a date until now. But if he is then why didn't he just initiate to have sex when there was a chance?

[v0nDutch]

OMG, stop overanalyzing it!

He's a men, and men don't "respect" women by NOT having sex with them. Maybe that's what little boys do in high school, because little girls have issues with sex at that age. But guys eventually get tired of Disney fantasy bullsh*t like that and grow a pair of ball and evolve into men. (as a little Pokemon aside: Oh no! Boy is evolving! Boy has evolved into Man!) Men respect women by having sex with them. Eventually, most girls also grow up and snap out of their parent's psychological warfare campaign to prevent them from getting pregnant and learn to balance being sexually responsible with being a sexual human being. Some girls don't, and are still girls trapped inside a woman's body. Hopefully this isn't you though.

What kind of cognitive dissonance would one have to be plagued with in order to create a double-bind of (1) I would reject him if he tried to have sex with me, but at the same time (2) I'm emotionally upset he didn't want to try to have sex with me. Why? So you could feel good about yourself while rejecting him and making him feel bad? Why would you feel the need to reject him if you really wanted to have sex? Why would you want him to make a move if you were so not open to the idea of sex that you already were committed to rejecting him? Did you want him sexually, or not? Which one is it? Because, it can't be both. Those two positions are plainly inconsistent.

Lastly, a man's mood is not constant. He's a human being, just like you. One minute he's feeling a certain way, the next minute his mood may be totally different, or just slightly different. If you ever happen to read up on the lovely area of urology specific to male sexuality, you'll learn the unfortunate reality that male sexuality is more complicated than female sexuality. There's just way too much psychology that goes into a man's initial desire to have sex, so that unless the circumstances are ideal or perfect, that penis is going to pretty much be like a Ferrari with no gas.

He was probably feeling relaxed and stress-free (the idea sex conditions for men) when he was beginning to initiate sex. After the maid walked in, his stress and anxiety levels probably shot up through the roof. After she left, he was still left with those feelings of stress and anxiety, and so he was in no mood to initialize sex, especially for the first time with a brand new partner.

So, it had almost nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him.

[jacquesvol]

I'd see it as a sign that he values you enough to respect your possible normal objections against one night stands (without asking you about it)

I've been often alone with very relaxed girls behind a locked door in their or my house, relaxed myself too and asking myself if a sexual move would be welcomed, then deciding to abstain because I know most girls wouldn't want it that fast.

From some I heard later that they had expected it and were a bit disappointed. (I was disappointed too) But they didn't bother or want to give me some hint.

Yes, I probably missed some good things that way, those girls too: the price of civilization.