I have been working in a company for 3 months. Already I have been experiencing anxiety to the point where I every day before I go into the office I have massive anxiety and panic and I have to call my mum before I mentally prepare myself to go into work.
There is this colleague who I work with who works a level above me so sometimes she is responsible for handing over work to me to get done. She told me before that she has an obsessive personality but it is starting to grate on me.
What is really annoying me is how nosey she is being about what work exactly it is I am doing. She has admitted to going on my personal schedule and having a look at it. It’s starting to feel suffocating. Usually before I have even logged on she will message me asking how I am and how my weekend was and then asking me about what work I’ve got set to do and giving me lots of tasks. I am starting to feel overwhelmed. She will message me and ask me what I’m doing after work and how I’m spending my evening. She will ask me personal questions about how I’m spending my time out of work.
Recently she’s just been emailing me with thousands of corrections and criticisms of my work. It really gets me down and makes me feel rubbish about myself. When I’m in the office with her I feel this tension around her and I just feel uncomfortable. If I ask her ‘can I ask you a question about something’ she will reply harshly with ‘no’ and then say ‘just joking what do you need?’
I’ve also noticed she won’t collaborate with me when we need to be working together in a project. If I message her and ask her for help or if she has asked me to complete a task, she will literally ignore my message, so it prevents me from getting the work done and meeting deadlines. This has happened more than once. She will give me a task and then when I reach out and ask for support she will ignore me. Or she will start typing but never follow through
What is her problem? Why is she playing mind games?
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2Opinion
This coworker definitely seems like she's playing some mind games with you, which isn't cool at all. A few red flags:
- Going on your schedule and being nosy about what you're doing is overstepping boundaries in a weird way
- Constantly asking personal questions when you're not working together is too much
- Micro-managing you and sending tons of criticism doesn't help you improve, it just puts you down
- Ignoring your messages when you need help means she's not really supporting you
It honestly sounds like she's insecure in her own role and tries to make herself feel important by micromanaging and messing with you. Some people get off on having power over others and causing drama.
I'd start keeping records of specific examples of her poor behavior in case you need to bring it to your boss or HR. In the meantime, be very direct when setting boundaries - don't answer personal questions, don't engage with snarky comments. Make it clear you just want to do your work without drama.
If she keeps it up, you may need to have a serious talk with your supervisor. You shouldn't have to deal with anxiety over a toxic coworker. Don't let her mind games get to you - she's the one with the problem, not you!
Okey okey