Family & Friends

Financial and patrimonial violence: how they affected my life.

One of the MyTakes I wrote, expose a vague explanation of how those two types of violence affected my life. To help you understand this MyTake and the previous one, is important to know their exact definition.

❗What is financial violence?

⚠️It's sometimes called economic abuse.

⚠️It involves someone using money in ways that hurt you.

⚠️It also include: stopping you from getting a job or forcing you to get loans you don't want.

❗What is patrimonial violence?

⚠️The violation of property rights.

⚠️Is a form of gender violence.

You may be asking yourself, how and in what way I was affected by those forms of violence. The answer is: trough the violence my father inflicted to my mother. I wasn't directly affected by it, my mother was. Unfortunately her family didn't make things any easier. They refused to give her support (her brothers, sisters), when my mom practically gave them the opportunity to go from the country for a better living. She decided to stay and take care of who was my grandma. I am not gonna go into much details.

My mother:

#1. Was never protected by family members.

#2. She couldn't achieved her financial goals, because she was taking care of her mom (my grandma) in total absence of her brothers and sisters.

💭My grandma had severe arthritis.

💭We are talking about more than 30 years ago (no internet for her, much less a celphone, a computer).

In those times my parents met (The 80s). From their on my mother situation became more complex. My "father" use to tell her all sort of things, just to beat down her selfsteem. He also use to manipulate her economically, keeping her in the house, while he plays the good husband, buying the food or whatever she needed.

Whenever she wanted new clothe, he use to send her to a shop, telling her he'll pay later on for what she bought. Of course, those shops were from people he knew. My father, then wanted to take out a lone at the expense of my mother house. According to what my mother told me, he got really angry when she opposed to the idea. Time after, he tricked her, saying they would be able to start a business if they get a lone. What happened next? The bank was about to take over the house. My mother became extremely angry and obligate him to cancel the debt.

It didn't stop there. In 2019, she discovered he altered the tax of the house and that he was a partner in crime, with the very persons that are illegally living in another land she own. Thanks to my brothers the case is going to court. We were able to higher a good lawyer.

How did that affected my life?

From I was a kid I always sensed something wasn't Ok. I never once saw my parents giving afection to each another (kisses and hugs: nothing). My father never once cared me to the park. Everything I learned, every good experience I had was thanks to my mom. Despite her alcoholism, she wanted the best for us and she did the best for us.

I don't remember having much reasons to smile, growing up. There were many things I aspired to be. Once I ended highschool at 17 I went into a local college. At my19th-20th birthday my mother quit drinking. A few years later: her chronic desease started to manifest. For the following years I struggled to keep up her health. She's far better than before!

💡How did my father behavior affected me?

Financially speaking I still depend of him. He never prepared the space for me to stand by my own. He payed my primary and highschool education, but he was never bothered with helping me achieve a higher education degree or even get a good job. I did finish college, thanks to an aunt and my brother's.

I honestly feel ashame to beg him money, but at the same time I don't care because he really ruin my mother financial future and he damaged the one my brothers and I are aiming.

Emotionally, I feel like a loser. I often think I could have done more with my life.

💭 I need to address this: he's possibly a compulsive hoarder. My mother worked really hard to maintain the house clean and in order. That obviously drawg done her strength and health to nothing. When she became sick, I experienced what she went trought. I only had time to clean and little time for college and myself.

⚠️Without exagerating: I had to get rid of bags and bags of old documents and news papers. Up to these days I need to seriously clean certain parts of the house. Not like before, since I made sure to permanently ban my "dad" from accomulating trash in the house. He knows I'll trow away whatever he tries to accomulate, so he slowed down on it.

I often think that if I didn't had to deal with his bullshit I would have the time and energy to actually open my own business while studying in college. Well, that's what my mother experienced to. She has told me how eager she was to open a business, only to have to step back and maintain the house neat. He basically used that mental disorder as a form of control.

Patrimonial violence, how it affected me?

Directly it never did. After all the properties belongs to my mom. Indirectly it did affect me, because if my mother didn't had to face such crap, she would have done a business long ago, and that would directly highlight my opportunity to study and find a job. Now that I am a grown up man, it's affecting me in another way, because my mother wants to leave my brothers and I the lands, and forcefully we gotta go trough all this legal cases to avoid any future problem. That's money and it also represent a delay for us. All of us wants to start a business, despite the trials.

I just can't stop believing how my father messed up my life in big, beside my mother and brothers life. He don't even show regret. Just to make things more clear: I live in a very poor country. The second poorest in America. It's called Nicaragua. It means that there are not much opportunities to make a better living here. It means that my father blocked that little opportunity my mother, my brother's and I had. We gotta move on with what's left.

Up to these days he denies commiting fraud with my mother lands. After knowing what was taking place my mother finally divorced him, so he has to move out, despite been 77 years old. Yes, he's to old, but my mother is to sick and she can not stand him.

💭Other facts: he has a terrible hygiene, like a really bad hygiene. I am glad I never took after him, but it bothers me that I can't even create a home business that requires good hygiene (food delivery, etc). I can't even say I'll find a girlfriend and present her to him🤮. He is not the type of father you want to present to who may be your wife/husband. When I had a serious LDR, just to imagine my LD girlfriend knowing my father, made me feel ashame!

Thanks for reading.

⚠️❗

💭If you are in a similar situation (have an abusive partner), better be alone than with an asshole who WILL ruin your life. Is never to late, but better sooner than later!

💭If your father or mother is abusive, don't be affraid of taking legal actions against him/her.

Financial and patrimonial violence: how they affected my life.
Financial and patrimonial violence: how they affected my life.
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