My girlfriend is going through some hard times... need advice

[Anonymous]

my gf's parents are complete assholes... they make her life a living hell. she is never good enough for them and it affects her greatly... its almost like there are 2 of her...

there is the person that she pretends to be, she does things that she thinks will make people like her more because she thinks that no one would ever like the real her. she pretends to be really happy and stuff. its like a show she puts on for the world

and then there is her... when we are alone I get to see the real her. she is much calmer and quieter than most people think she is. I like the real her more.

recently stuff has gotten really bad for her, she is failing chem, and is constantly grounded... right now she isn't allowed to leave her kitchen all day from the sec she gets home from school until she goes to sleep... no TV, no comp, no cell, only allowed on the house phone for short amounts of time, not allowed to hang out with friends...

bottom line, she has become suicidal because of her parents and I don't know how to deal with it... I want to be there for her but like I don't know what to do... she has been talking about death a lot recently and cutting herself... I need advice... What can I do to help her?

[ArtistBboy]

Support her and be a boyfriend. Don't lie or try to sugar coat things.

example of what NOT to say: "Everything is fine, your mom and dad just love you"

example of what TO DO: Comfort her and remind her that you will be there when she isn't grounded. That you appreciate who she is.

Let her know that it scares you that she is talking about these suicidal thoughts, let alone thinking about them. Tell her: "I would appreciate it if you didn't think like that, it really does bother me"

- You need to be supportive but understanding. You don't want to say "Quit that sh*t or I'm dumping you" because then your just an insensitive prick. Yet you don't want to have a baby voice and say: "Baby! Don't talk like that... You're a good person... If you cut yourself it'll leave scars"... You need to be a man and guide her right now.

This is where women take a liking to the confident man, so show her your confidence and help her through this. Think from your gut and mind- what would you want someone to do if you where in that situation. You wouldn't want them baby-ing you and taking the razor blades away, and you wouldn't want people talking about death or other things...

P.s. Making her laugh will help her avoid these lonely feelings and talking about death. Happiness will suffocate these moods from arrousing again.

Best regards,

ArtistBBoy

[Anonymous]

I'm going through pretty much the same thing as your girl friend with my parents. I unfortunately don't have a boy friend to be there for me. Just let her know that you are there for her. Listen to her and comfort her. Explain to her that life will get better and in the end going through this will make her a stronger person.

You can also suggest this to her. When my parents start with me I always play music. A great song is Hold On by Good Charlotte. I got in a huge fight with my mom on Christmas Eve and hadn't really talked to her since. After a few weeks I just wanted to give up and became really depressed. I just didn't think I could go on and just went into the worst time ever. I listened to this song a couple of times and I just felt so much better. Music in general can help. Maybe make her a CD of all her favorite songs or pick a bunch of songs that let her know how you feel about her.

If you feel that she may really hurt herself then tell someone. If it's not her parents then maybe yours or a counselor at school.

I hope things get better for her.

[ArtistBboy]

You have wonderful advice, sorry to hear about your situation. +1

[Asker]

Thank you for ur advice, it is nice to get advice from someone in a similar situation.

[officers-of-arms]

My life was rather similar a year or two ago. I had two different personas developed; Not one person would get a glimpse of me. My boyfriend at the time watched me unravel hastily in front of his eyes. My parents where religious fanatics. I chose not to go out because I feared the abnormality and their preaching. It was a major downfall in my life. My views were not in line with my parents. I chose to irrationally cut myself and secluded myself.

In your case help her maintain a healthy distance from her parents or contact your local authorities.

[FAiTh19]

she really needs you right now I know what it is like to need a good friend sometimes and with out them I don't know where I would be... talk to her listen to what she has to say tell her it hurts you to see her cutt herself make her stop if you can... do something really nice for her when you get the chance a nice candle light dinner movie show her she is loved

[Anonymous]

you have to be there for her she doesn't trust her parents or her friends and you have to be there for her