Why did my best female friend just stop talking to me for no apparent reason? Ladies please help and way in ?

[Anonymous]

To start off I became really close with a female friend of mine and yes I really liked her but she had a boyfriends so I never told her how I felt because I didn't want to mess her relationship up with him even though he was horrible to her. She would break up with him almost on a weekly basis and get back together with him. Of course I was always there for her. Her boyfriend hated me because her and I did everything together and were always hanging out. In 2004 I joined the NAVY but I wasn't scheduled to leave for boot camp til 8 months later. When I signed up I told her and she was like no I don't want you to leave. Fast forward its like 3 weeks before I'm scheduled to leave for boot camp and somehow she convinces me to pick flowers with her. This is when I knew I was beginning to fall for her. I was hoping she would tell me how she felt the same way cause I would have gotten out of my NAVY contract. Now it's the night before I leave for boot camp and I'm in the hotel they put me in. I talk to her on the phone for like an hour and she told me she had to be up early so we hung up. Then like 30 minutes later she calls me back and has her dad talk to me and try and convince me not to go to the NAVY> He talked to me for about an hour telling me not to go and saying how he can help me get a job and all kinds of stuff. Of course by this time it is to late for me to get out of my contract. Had she have done this a few weeks earlier I would have been able to. While I was in boot camp I wrote her every week when we were able to write letters. Whenever I got a phone call I called my mom and I called her. Then I go to A-school which is where I learn my job in the NAVY. I called her about twice a week. After A-school I came home and the next day I went and saw her and I didn't know how to tell her how I felt. Well the last day I was there my best friend convinced me to tell her so I went to where she worked and she wasn't there. I tried to call but she wasn't picking up her phone. Fast forward a few weeks and I'm at my stationed in Washington state and I finally get my phone. I called her and we talked for a little while. I told her look this if the first time I have been away from my family and I asked her to call me on Thanksgiving. She promised she would call me. That was the last I have ever heard from her and that was 5 years ago. Recently I have tried to add her on facebook but I get denied. Just yesterday I sent her a long email basically saying all the good times we had together and just telling her I want my friend back. Ladies hopefully you can give me some insight on what you think. Thanks.

[omgwhatdoIdo]

wow...
well let me try to put myself in her shoes. She actually liked you the whole time, maybe she just didn't want to ruin the frienship because she thought you didn't like her that way. I think she always had feelings for you. With the time running down she realized she didn't have much time to be with you but she didn't know how to tell you she wanted you to stay... so instead she chickens out and gets her dad to try and convince you to stay. She obviously cares for you. Instead you didn't so she might be feeling "This friend that was always there for me now isn't here for me. I like him...but he can't stay, he can't think of what we were, he probably doesn't feel the same if he won't stay here for me"
She might be feeling like she means nothing. Which is totally not true! You've called her, wrote to her, emailed her! You need to stop playing the friend because you're confusing her I think. You might act friendly on the phone after you had said no to not going into the navy and then you're friendly again in letters.

No more friendly talk...please. You need a serious face to face talk with her, and tell her how you've fallen for her.

right now all I can say is that she might be confused because of the friendly message you often send her that she is not sure might be more than just best friends, and you didn't stay...so now she's like "well he must not care for me that much. If he cared, if he really liked me and had feelings for me he would've stayed" But then you call and write, and she might just think it's "oh he doesn't like me...we're just best friends." and she reminds herself of that night her dad tried to convince you to stay.

I think you need to take the time to visit her, not call her, not email her, VISIT HER. You saying "I want my friend back" just makes it confusing for me too! You're confusing her. your best friend was right, you NEED to tell her! Get things straight and clear that you want her as more than a friend!

[omgwhatdoIdo]

As you can see, females tend to think and analyze a lot about things. That night you said you couldn't stay meant a lot. And then the time without you...hm. She's probably really confused and the time apart must have helped her make up her mind that maybe you just want to be friends after all and she wasn't worth staying for.

[Asker]

That is exactly what I want to do. I want to tell her how I feel but the problem is she won't speak to me. She totally ignores me. A few years ago when I tried to call her she just hung up on me. I just don't know how to contact her besides facebook, but there she just ignores me. How would I go about contacting her?

[omgwhatdoIdo]

You need to see her in person. Find some way to see her in person, it's harder to ignore someone who is right there in front of you expressing their love. No friendly messages from now on....you'll only be confusing her I believe. There is also the possibility she found someone else while you were gone. No more promised phone calls-WHEN YOU SEE HER, GO AFTER HER. RUN after her if you have to! You just gotta tell her or you're going to regret this for the rest of your life! Risk it. Go for it!

[lavender]

It's been 5 years and you are still thinking about her. Yes, I'd say you definitely fell for her! Hopefully you will hear from her in response to your email.

But assume she's moved on and is in a relationship with another man. This would be a good reason for her to deny your friend request on FB. If you can track down her phone number, that's a better way to reach out (compared to email or Facebook). Find out upfront, if she's seeing another guy. If she is, be polite and tell her that you wanted to say hi, and wish her well in her relationship.

It sounds like you two were great friends and had romantic potential that was never realized. I'm sure you meant a lot to her, and maybe her cutting you out of her life at that time was her way of dealing with the distance. If she's single and she's willing to talk to you, now might be the right time for you to rekindle that flame.

[OmgNoWay]

Hmmm... Tuffie... Srry, but I think maybe someone told her how you felt about her, and she's creeped out or, she forgot about callig you on thanksgivig, and she thought you didn't like her or sumthn, and there was a missunderstanding.

[TC123]

First off, you waited too long to tell her. Secondly, if she was with a guy that she also fought with on a weekly basis she is a head case of the first order. The fact that she won't talk to you know even though you have a history like that confirms this.

You need to forget her, and fast. You are wasting years of your life on someone who sounds like they aren't really worth it.

[Just_A_Girl88]

Maybe she met someone and didn't have the heart to tell you.

[bwitched]

Wow. Five years in the making huh? I would be persistent- keep trying!