The current crop of 'parents' insist on seeing children as small adults appealing to their ‘better natures’ (of which they have none) and not what they are - alien beings that have to be taught the boundaries and social skills to be able work their way through life one of those boundaries is discipline which needs social or physical pain to enforce, the former is preferable to the latter and must be appropriate to the situation. If you raise children without punishment you raise entitled adults that irrespective of social standing think societies laws and mores do not apply to them.
Every action has a consequence, pretending it doesn't does kids a great disservice, they grow up to believe rules don't apply to them, and will likely end up in front of a judge confused with a big chip on their shoulder...
Depends you need to use both the carrot and some kind of punishment. To form the kids behavior to an working individual for society. First you need to learn them the rules and expectations. Not until they know can you punish them for not following them. And don't go crazy with rules if you have to punish them all the time your clearly doing something wrong.
There’s punishing children and then there’s gaslighting and abusing them. The first is good and will teach them respect and keep them from being entitled and spoiled. The second makes them question their worth even when they’re not doing anything wrong.
I think a slap on the but once or twice a day is ok. No hitting the head or face, and no weapons, only hands. I also think putting them in a secluded area like outside, in the bathroom or garage you know, some place safe where they are not trying to harm themselves or someone else for a bit until their anger goes away is ok. I used to be locked outside the house for an entire day for dirtying my sister's clothes.
I needed it for good reason. I only respect strength and "I save my respect for those who can hurt me" initially. I can gain respect for others through their conduct. But first encounters I do instinctively size up your physical capabilities. Call it whatever you like. I grew up in a bad neighborhood. Only people that got respect around their were people who could throw down at a moments notice or were always strapped.
Of course. You're not doing children a favor when you avoid disciplining them; it's the opposite. Children need to learn boundaries when they're still young, so their behavior will be acceptable as they grow up. By discipline I don't mean kick the crap out of your kid when you're angry, but a few slaps in the butt when they've gone overboard isn't a terrible thing.
If punishing them is in the context of very specific rules that you also follow, not only them, and does not include violent acts against them, then indeed it is a very educative approach. The problem is that many parents (the majority? Perhaps) punish their children when they are bothered by them and not as a medium to teach them.
Of course they have to learnt that everything they do (bad) has a consequence. It can be quite time, taking away a privilege (toy, tablet, phone, video game, tv), or simply a talking to. (not yelling at)
What advice would you give when your kid says 'no' to your instruction. You take away a privilege but they just go on to shout and scream and start hitting things like laptops, tv's, etc. You just remain claim and let the damage reign?
@Chriscunning if they are doing that then you haven't taught them emotional control in the first place. So it's a little more difficult to begin once they're older. But basically just sit them down and calmly talk to them and tell them what they are doing isn't ok. If after a few tries that isn't working. Give them something they can take their anger out on. If you have a punching bag use that, pillow, stuffed toy. Tell them that if they feel the need to let their anger out these are the *only* things they can do that on. Sometimes kids just need to punch some shit. As long as they understand hitting people isn't ok, or hitting something bro scare Someone then it's good
Okay I see... So even though they could have anger issues I should teach them it's fine to hit things. So one day when they big they will punch doors in, hit cars and break windows because this is an alright way to express your anger. I just hope no one makes them so cross they 'forget' these principles and proceed to punch them in a moment of anger.
@Chriscunning its also very unlikely that a kid would get to this point. If you teach them emotional control and talk to them calmly like they're actually a person (because they are) it shouldn't get to the point of needing another way to get anger out.
Yes one can explain that you only allowed to punch certain things, but that doesn't always equate to that thing all the time. Esp in times were you naturally respond in fight/flight mode and for a few seconds don't actually think about things.
And mostly certainly they are a person. But trying to have a rational conversation with a 2 year old is pretty challenging I will admit. Explaining things, as you would to an adult, doesn't really work. Even explaining things in a language they would understand is hard. They don't have the mental capacity to put all these details together.
I would always talk to my daughter like she was an adult from the start. We discussed how she could gain or lose privileges. She responded in a positive way.
I've been using a different approach, no punishments required... seems to be working so far... I'll update this comment in four years from now, to see how it all went
In society, there are huge double standards in raising children. There are so many cases were high ranking government officials, business men, shrinks, psychiatrics, lawyers, judges and many mire professionals profit from peoples failures.
This world is so money focusd that it blinds us all.
The point isn't to punish children. The point is to encourage favorable behavior that will help your child in the future and to discourage behavior that will be to it's own or the families detriment.
For me, punishment is an act of hate with the intend to harm, not to help.
If nothing else, it teaches them that they CAN'T get away with everything they do and that there ARE consequences to the things they do!
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Anonymous
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Children need to be taught right from wrong, and that actions have consequences.
You can punish children without ever hitting them.
My nephew has a PS4 that is his pride and joy and punishment is taking away his PS4 privileges.
The nuclear deterrent is that all of his Fortnite character skins and loot will be deleted because his account will be wiped by his parents. There's no recovering from that, so far as he knows.
SPANK THOSE BRATS. i dont give a damn what libtarded things people say. I was mostly NOT spanked and i was also spoiled and i am an adult and i see its bad.
Now dont take your anger out on kids thats horrible. Punishment isn't always overboard. Parents who dont punish i think are lazy and do not give a fuck about their kids...
There's an extent that physical punishment should be illegal or wrong. Shoving your kid's hands in boiling water, hitting them til they get welts, etc is child abuse. However, there is an extent that punishment should be acceptable. Spanking if done as a deterrent and used only when absolutely needed can help. I was spanked only once. Usually, the removal of privileges was enough. A child shouldn't be allowed to walk all over their parents.
Negative reinforcement such as taking toys away teaches them that bad Behavior causes you to loose privileges. That's how society is so I believe it's most practical and effective.
There are two ways to encourage the behavior you want out of children. You can reward good behavior or punish bad behavior. Usually a combination of the two is most effective. If all you do is reward good behavior, what it's your response when a child does something wrong? How does the child learn the behavior is wrong?
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The current crop of 'parents' insist on seeing children as small adults appealing to their ‘better natures’ (of which they have none) and not what they are - alien beings that have to be taught the boundaries and social skills to be able work their way through life one of those boundaries is discipline which needs social or physical pain to enforce, the former is preferable to the latter and must be appropriate to the situation.
If you raise children without punishment you raise entitled adults that irrespective of social standing think societies laws and mores do not apply to them.
Every action has a consequence, pretending it doesn't does kids a great disservice, they grow up to believe rules don't apply to them, and will likely end up in front of a judge confused with a big chip on their shoulder...
Depends you need to use both the carrot and some kind of punishment. To form the kids behavior to an working individual for society. First you need to learn them the rules and expectations. Not until they know can you punish them for not following them. And don't go crazy with rules if you have to punish them all the time your clearly doing something wrong.
There’s punishing children and then there’s gaslighting and abusing them. The first is good and will teach them respect and keep them from being entitled and spoiled. The second makes them question their worth even when they’re not doing anything wrong.
I think a slap on the but once or twice a day is ok. No hitting the head or face, and no weapons, only hands. I also think putting them in a secluded area like outside, in the bathroom or garage you know, some place safe where they are not trying to harm themselves or someone else for a bit until their anger goes away is ok. I used to be locked outside the house for an entire day for dirtying my sister's clothes.
I needed it for good reason. I only respect strength and "I save my respect for those who can hurt me" initially. I can gain respect for others through their conduct. But first encounters I do instinctively size up your physical capabilities. Call it whatever you like. I grew up in a bad neighborhood. Only people that got respect around their were people who could throw down at a moments notice or were always strapped.
Of course. You're not doing children a favor when you avoid disciplining them; it's the opposite. Children need to learn boundaries when they're still young, so their behavior will be acceptable as they grow up.
By discipline I don't mean kick the crap out of your kid when you're angry, but a few slaps in the butt when they've gone overboard isn't a terrible thing.
If punishing them is in the context of very specific rules that you also follow, not only them, and does not include violent acts against them, then indeed it is a very educative approach.
The problem is that many parents (the majority? Perhaps) punish their children when they are bothered by them and not as a medium to teach them.
Of course they have to learnt that everything they do (bad) has a consequence. It can be quite time, taking away a privilege (toy, tablet, phone, video game, tv), or simply a talking to. (not yelling at)
Hitting your kid isn't punishment. It's abuse.
What advice would you give when your kid says 'no' to your instruction. You take away a privilege but they just go on to shout and scream and start hitting things like laptops, tv's, etc. You just remain claim and let the damage reign?
@Chriscunning if they are doing that then you haven't taught them emotional control in the first place. So it's a little more difficult to begin once they're older. But basically just sit them down and calmly talk to them and tell them what they are doing isn't ok. If after a few tries that isn't working. Give them something they can take their anger out on. If you have a punching bag use that, pillow, stuffed toy. Tell them that if they feel the need to let their anger out these are the *only* things they can do that on. Sometimes kids just need to punch some shit. As long as they understand hitting people isn't ok, or hitting something bro scare Someone then it's good
Okay I see... So even though they could have anger issues I should teach them it's fine to hit things. So one day when they big they will punch doors in, hit cars and break windows because this is an alright way to express your anger. I just hope no one makes them so cross they 'forget' these principles and proceed to punch them in a moment of anger.
@Chriscunning i think you should reread what I said.
"Tell them that if they feel the need to let their anger out these are the *only* things they can do that on. "
@Chriscunning its also very unlikely that a kid would get to this point. If you teach them emotional control and talk to them calmly like they're actually a person (because they are) it shouldn't get to the point of needing another way to get anger out.
Yes one can explain that you only allowed to punch certain things, but that doesn't always equate to that thing all the time. Esp in times were you naturally respond in fight/flight mode and for a few seconds don't actually think about things.
And mostly certainly they are a person. But trying to have a rational conversation with a 2 year old is pretty challenging I will admit. Explaining things, as you would to an adult, doesn't really work. Even explaining things in a language they would understand is hard. They don't have the mental capacity to put all these details together.
@Chriscunning it's possible. Just takes work a lot of questions, and keeping calm
You a mom right?
@Chriscunning no grew up with a younger sibling and a lot of younger cousins that I would take care of.
A small bit of punishment is okay but nothing that would be traumatizing to the child. And no spanking.
I would always talk to my daughter like she was an adult from the start. We discussed how she could gain or lose privileges. She responded in a positive way.
I've been using a different approach, no punishments required... seems to be working so far... I'll update this comment in four years from now, to see how it all went
In society, there are huge double standards in raising children. There are so many cases were high ranking government officials, business men, shrinks, psychiatrics, lawyers, judges and many mire professionals profit from peoples failures.
This world is so money focusd that it blinds us all.
The point isn't to punish children. The point is to encourage favorable behavior that will help your child in the future and to discourage behavior that will be to it's own or the families detriment.
For me, punishment is an act of hate with the intend to harm, not to help.
If nothing else, it teaches them that they CAN'T get away with everything they do and that there ARE consequences to the things they do!
Children need to be taught right from wrong, and that actions have consequences.
You can punish children without ever hitting them.
My nephew has a PS4 that is his pride and joy and punishment is taking away his PS4 privileges.
The nuclear deterrent is that all of his Fortnite character skins and loot will be deleted because his account will be wiped by his parents. There's no recovering from that, so far as he knows.
SPANK THOSE BRATS. i dont give a damn what libtarded things people say. I was mostly NOT spanked and i was also spoiled and i am an adult and i see its bad.
Now dont take your anger out on kids thats horrible. Punishment isn't always overboard. Parents who dont punish i think are lazy and do not give a fuck about their kids...
There's an extent that physical punishment should be illegal or wrong. Shoving your kid's hands in boiling water, hitting them til they get welts, etc is child abuse. However, there is an extent that punishment should be acceptable. Spanking if done as a deterrent and used only when absolutely needed can help. I was spanked only once. Usually, the removal of privileges was enough. A child shouldn't be allowed to walk all over their parents.
Negative reinforcement such as taking toys away teaches them that bad Behavior causes you to loose privileges. That's how society is so I believe it's most practical and effective.
There are two ways to encourage the behavior you want out of children. You can reward good behavior or punish bad behavior. Usually a combination of the two is most effective. If all you do is reward good behavior, what it's your response when a child does something wrong? How does the child learn the behavior is wrong?