Am I trying too hard? Should I put myself first? Or am I overthinking? </3?

[Anonymous]

Hi, so I have a really close friend who I haven’t seen since the beginning of quarantine. We’ve been friends for almost 9 years now and we consider each other to be our closest friend. We’ve been through a lot and tbh, we’re still a little bit awkward when hanging out in person, but we always feel comfortable in each other’s presence. But, ever since quarantine started and we graduated from high school (and also increased our chances of not seeing each other because she doesn’t attend college rn) she hasn’t been talking to me as much. We used to talk almost daily or weekly during high school, but now I only get a message back once in about 3-4 months. Honestly, the only day she messages me is on my birthday then she ghosts me or leaves me on seen. It was her birthday a few days ago and I sent her a birthday message to which she responded to. She did tell me that she knew she wasn’t talking to me as much and it was her fault that we didn’t hang out, and I agreed but I’m the type of person to say that “it’s okay, I don’t mind” when it does but that’s what I did. And after a while, she leaves me on seen again. And tbh that’s fine, BUT the problem is, is that she never responds to my messages including my messages to hang out, BUT I see her hanging out with her other friends who I follow on social media. And this happens more than once. I wonder how they even get in contact with her when I “supposedly her closest friend” can’t even get a message back. Am I overthinking things? It seems like she doesn’t want to talk to me or is taking me for granted cause she knows I’ll always message her no matter what. It honestly hurts. I feel like I should forget about her and put myself first. Should I just not message her anymore until she messages me? I’m always the one taking the initiative and tbh I’m so tired of it. It feels like I’m being too clingy and I don’t want to seem that way. She says I’m the only one that updates her about life but am I really? What should I do? :(((

[RJJ33666]

It may seem that you are overthinking it but to be honest you are not. You guys are close friends and she doesn't even text you back to say if she wants to hang out or not. And the fact that she hangs out with others and doesn't even tell you that, thats just a bad move. I think you should put yourself forward now, you can't just wait for someone who is very clearly taking you for granted. I recommend working on yourself and go out more often without your friend and at some point try and have a talk with this person about why she is not messaging back enough, its better to know the why and how before revaluating your friendship with her.

[RavenBloodswiin]

I feel like in this situation it doesn't really matter which route you take, both are going to hurt to some extent. I feel like you should put yourself first, if she can't value the friendship you guys have & wants to put it at risk, then thats on her. You aren't anyones fool either right? She has obviously put you on the back burner, whether this be intentionally or not, & its unfair of her to expect you to still put in all the effort if she's not willing to return the effort & care.

So my opinion, let her do what she wants. Actions speak louder than words & you now know what her attitude about your friendship is. Im not saying dont talk to her. But let her come to you this time.

Im sorry that this is something you're going through rn tho. I hope you feel better about the situation soon.

[SueShe]

She has obviously distanced herself from you since the beginning of the quarantine and she lets you know by not responding to your texts or messages.

I believe that it is your turn to distance yourself from her because she has other friends that took your place in the meantime. Act upon it rather than to speculate about the situation.

Let her do the next move and see how long it takes for her to contact you. If it takes longer than 2 or 3 days, then you know that you are not such good friends after all and that she has set her priorities differently when it comes to friendship.

It is always best to put yourself first. You avoid disappointments and you can continue in life without a burden of not knowing where you stand.

[Avicenna]

You do seem to have a legit complaint here. What I don’t see is any mention you discussed this with her.

[Iron_Man]

Look out for yourself you’re not her girlfriend anyway