Until a few years ago I was a really introverted and passive person. People were constantly taking advantage of me and whenever I got into a fight with someone I always assumed I was wrong and apologized. I was really shy and took no real risks. That all changed in 11th grade when I decided enough was enough.
The way I lived brought me all kinds of trouble and much sadness. It got to a point where I felt I didn't have any control over my life and the toxic people leaving me made me feel like I had nothing left. I didn't care anymore about what other people thought of me and slowly started opening up. I felt like I had regained control over my life and fought for what I believed in, even if I was mocked and other people disagreed with me, but that's not to say that everything is fine.
An example from today: Me and a few friends were waiting in line to be examined by a professor and we started talking. One of them mentioned she would be leaving for her hometown for a few days tomorrow. When I asked her why she said "I've told you I want to move some stuff there. Weren't you paying attention?" in a calm but passive-aggressive way. I have a terrible memory, so I might've just forgotten it, but this wasn't the first time she's said something like this and it bothered me how often she did so. I spoke up and said, "stop getting passive-aggressive over something like this, it's seriously getting on my nerves". That's when another friend listening in to our argument also asked her why she was leaving. I then reacted by saying "She's told us why many times, weren't paying attention?".
I started feeling guilty as I've reacted similarly to other situations and I worry if the other person will start thinking I'm overly sensitive and ditch me. No one has so far, but things like this keep happening and I'm starting to think I might be taking things too personally.
Do I have issues with self-blame? Trust issues? Identity crisis? I really don't know any more...
The way I lived brought me all kinds of trouble and much sadness. It got to a point where I felt I didn't have any control over my life and the toxic people leaving me made me feel like I had nothing left. I didn't care anymore about what other people thought of me and slowly started opening up. I felt like I had regained control over my life and fought for what I believed in, even if I was mocked and other people disagreed with me, but that's not to say that everything is fine.
An example from today: Me and a few friends were waiting in line to be examined by a professor and we started talking. One of them mentioned she would be leaving for her hometown for a few days tomorrow. When I asked her why she said "I've told you I want to move some stuff there. Weren't you paying attention?" in a calm but passive-aggressive way. I have a terrible memory, so I might've just forgotten it, but this wasn't the first time she's said something like this and it bothered me how often she did so. I spoke up and said, "stop getting passive-aggressive over something like this, it's seriously getting on my nerves". That's when another friend listening in to our argument also asked her why she was leaving. I then reacted by saying "She's told us why many times, weren't paying attention?".
I started feeling guilty as I've reacted similarly to other situations and I worry if the other person will start thinking I'm overly sensitive and ditch me. No one has so far, but things like this keep happening and I'm starting to think I might be taking things too personally.
Do I have issues with self-blame? Trust issues? Identity crisis? I really don't know any more...
