How do I help? Should I help or let him grieve?

[Anonymous]

My ex broke up with me recently. Soon after, his dad passed away from a tragic hit and run accident. His father was in really bad condition. As a refugee claimant he is unable to go bck him and he is stuck in the current country he's in. His case is completed so any suggestions wouldn't suffice. Although he broke up with me in the most painful way I feel like im obligated to support him through this time. He was happy I came to him during this hard time. But now he says he's ok without me. He doesn't need me around for now.

I have two questions I would like your insight on.

1. He's gone very quite about his father he doesn't talk about him. He acting normal and laughing and just being his normal self. But he's avoiding of people like his friends. I don't understand it. I mean I know he's grieving and he wants to be alone. Ijust want to understand the part where he'd acting normal and if there'd anything I can do or just let him be.

2. His mom is back home. Since he can't go his brother is going in 3 months. They have property and stuff that the dad took care of. Now the brother may have to handle it. My ex feels like there is no life here and if it's worth staying. I'm so scared ik he's my ex but if he leaves I'll be shattered but at the same time I know this is hard for him and I should be supporting him with every decision it isn't about me. He says he wants me in his life before his fathers death but he's not interested in me. It's all just a big mess.

I need some insights and what you would do or not do.

[RACSKC0B]

First, don't send someone who has lost someone close to them flowers, it's just something else that's going to die.
Second, whenever something tragic happens in someone's life (even if no one dies), typically most people that know them will inquire, give their condolences, express their empathy. All of which only reminds them of the thing that they have no control over and is completely destroying their everyday routine. It's not uncommon for people to say "I wish everything would go back to normal" or "... back to the way they were" because how things were means that the person that almost died, or did die, was OK and no one was asking them to tell what happened again.
Lastly, there's probably not much you can do to help, if you let them know that you're there if they need to talk, or just need a friend, you've done about all that can be expected of someone who cares.
He either will, or won't accept it, but you can't make him.

[Guy13]

Flowers. Sorry for your loss. Available if needed in any capacity. Simple in little card that flowers come with. 1 month later after Busy and Affairs concluded…have to thin then…no way around it.
You have a sweet soul. As long as it does not feel like you are trying to get him back. I don’t forget… most people never forget those there that are genuine, quiet, available, and ultimately (good/bad) there…

[xJeremyx]

I hate to say this, but you going back is going to make things more complicated. For both you and him. Grieving people do not think straight sometimes. Even after he gets better with your help, the relationship between the two of you will still carry loads of tension and stress.