Some families environments, tougher than the toughest workplace. (I should know). They don't hug, they don't bond or communicate with one another.. extremely machiavellian, and materialistic.
While I know most of you come from moderately to extremely loving warm families. The question is, what do you think about us? I would like to read what you think. _______________________________________ (Addition) The idea in our households is to make the individuals tough... etc. But sometimes I feel bad, I reciprocate a lot of coldness and meanness unwillingly to people in public and in work. and I could see these people aren't used to that level emotionlessness, I feel that the average person is kinder than me, and I can't help it.. My mother wishes me death to my face, everyone wants everyone else dead... and there are endless distances..
And when I go outside I see people charged fully with compassion and kindness. I have softness, but I can't help but be what my household made me! And when I become cold with people the way we are cold with one another. I can see people are not used to this... they become shocked. And then I feel bad for them! and can tell that this isn't the case with all families. But in the same time when I want to compensate that emptiness from public life, I become pathetic! I am a cold pathetic asshole.
(Luckily I found a picture from a movie which expresses a glimpse of what it is)
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I didn't intend to put the question in any context. My whole point is I have a carriage of coldness that people in public cannot handle obviously.
Well I'd like to first say I don't come from a warm loving family I come from the worst kind of abusive family and I can be a very cold person because I've shut my heart to the world because I'm to afraid to be hurt in more than one way because I'm 18 yet to have someone show me what love is, family, friend or lover kind of love had none of it yet. So as much as I put a lot of love into the world with what I've been through I don't want to hurt anyone so yeah I've been hurt I don't resent the world I don't hate anyone I still love and care about everyone but it do be a struggle sometimes when some families are so loving touchy and care more than I'm used to so I sometimes act mean or distant not on purpose it just seems to good to be true if you've heard the saying. But I try my best to open up just enough to understand them where there coming from and just enough to let some of there kindness seep into me so I don't feel bad for not opening up all the way. But no I have a big attitude and can be very blunt I'm very honest so if I were to run into a family as you explain I'd not run I'd go to them and try to at least Lear why there the way they are and see if maybe they could be even just a little bit closer with each other like I believe families should be and then if things get better I'll leave happy if not I'll leave them with some advice and hope all goes well someday.
My take is that children should distance themselves from unhealthy households and people (regardless of the people) when they are older. Disown them. They deserve it because they were supposed to love you unconditionally, give you hugs, encouragement, I love yous, and positivity so you could pass that onto other amazing people and your children. They could have ruined you or did (rather intentionally or not), it’s still there. Only you will know if you have the ability to love and empathize with others.
My family was like that. We grew up in rural South Africa and we never showed any emotions, my parents didn't tuck me in at night. It was more like "go and make your bed and go to sleep. Be up at 5am". When 5 am came and I wasn't up, my father would do things like throw cold buckets of water on me or just start whipping me with a belt. They did make breakfast for me until I was about 12 but if I didn't eat it all, it was thrown on the floor and I was told to clean it up. After 12 I had to do everything myself.
I don't know why, but when my father was old and sick and about to die, I told him I loved him and his reaction was "what are you some kind of a faggot?" I said it isn't like that and I tried to hold his hand as he lay on the bed dying. He pulled his hand away and with the last of his strength, he got up, got his rifle and tried to shoot me while yelling homophobic expletives at me. And that is how he died. The energy it took to do that made his heart give out and he collapsed on the floor.
What you call “cold” some call “tough love”. Watch someone you REALLY care about die from something avoidable because you coddled them too much and get back to me about “cold” families. Ell oh ell! I have my issues. Everyone does. But nothing is going to bring me down without a fight because my “cold” family prepared me for a cold world. I have spent an inordinate amount of time around useless people who think the world owes them a living because their mommies didn’t dare tell them about the real world.
I think cold hearted people are losers. They think it makes them tougher, but in reality, if you are so weak that you crumble at the thought of having actual emotions, then you are far weaker the the majority (who has them daily and is doing just fine).
Emotions are not a weakness, emotional reactions are you exerting the extremes of your opinions on things to those around you.
its a demand, a form of authority. A way for you to set boundaries of whats ok and what isn't.
Without emotions, no one hears your needs, they ignore your needs, and thats pretty much walking all over you from a social perspective.
To clarify, by "walking all over you" I mean that their needs and wants are being fulfilled and yours aren't, so in a hierarchy sense, they are above you, and the people on top get the most privileges, the most advantages, the most money, the most power, and its power that makes a person tougher, not being cold/indifferent.
Indifference is apathy, and apathy leads to personal suffering, poverty, illness, and early deaths as you ignore what effects you and others.
You are not, nor will you ever be an invincible superman, and your only path to power is in numbers, ie in people.
Your mother wishing you death to your face is definitely extreme and on the far end of bad. But everyone's family has its issues, and really everyone is just thinking about their own, and sees the problems, not so much how great it all is. So although some have it much worse than others, most are unsatisfied or dealing with some problem, at any given time.
Coldness and lack of emotion is protective. People develop this (or never developed the opposite) because they've been so hurt by people. And that's understandable. Everyone needs to practice patience and understanding. We're all just human.
they make relationships very hard. my partner is Asian, and well you know how that goes. his parents don't really show love, if at all. i'm still kind of shocked when they just say "bye" on the phone and not a word of "love you" or anything. so it kind of translate over to their relationships. the "oh i forgot" or no consideration of how you (the partner) feels because that's not how they were raised and most feelings were brushed under the rug when growing up. the no significant gifts because that's not how they were raised etc... so yeah, i don't approve of cold families and i'll try my hardest to not have our family like that.
I can relate to this. The only healthy relationship I have is with my brother, my ray of sunshine. It's why I'm so guarded and curt as a person, and my communication skills almost suck (well I'm also a psych student so they don't suck 100%). My family is the opposite of Pixar family.
I think I’m like that too… but I don’t realize it… no hug in my family, my dad told me he loved me once (and does love me I know) and I love my brother to death - so I am blessed really - but my mother was always toxic. Rampant disrespect no communication no boundaries only selfishness threats and coldness. When I express true warm feelings it comes out of me by surprise while I sort of dissociate, I feel outside of my body for a moment (not sure if it’s ‘normal’ 🤔)
Not good, it makes the kids very hard and distance and probably not use to showing or expressing love often. It can be hard building relationships with others if that's what their not use to.
i... feel like there's a lack of love. Just a little hug or something... otherwise I'd probably feel like I'm not worthy in my family. And i'm the black sheep
