Did I make the right call?

[JaxiCats]

So long story short the other night me, my boyfriend and his grandma went to a drive in movie. I had left at 4 so they had me and stuff. The movie wasn’t until 8:30pm. I told my mom and she said it was okay and stuff. We get to the movies and stuff then my boyfriend’s grandma gets a call that her husband is in the hospital. She wants to head straight there after the first movie (there were two movies we were going to watch). My mom texted me saying to be home by 11. I asked her why and she said because said so and because I live there. I told her “What does that have to do with anything? Yea I live there but I’m 18.” At this point the movie is over and we are on our way to the hospital. I called my mom and my boyfriend’s grandma explained the situation to my mom. My mom didn’t care she wanted me home. She said we needed to have a serious conversation. I took my phone back and then me and her get into it because I got fed up with not being treated like an adult. I nearly always listen to her by the way.

She was going on about how it was the same reason my boyfriend has to be at home a certain time and stuff (his dad goes to bed early and needs him to help watch the dogs) but his dad doesn’t limit him to stay home nearly as much as long as he’s home by the time he’s told or if my boyfriend informs him that he’s going to be late. I couldn’t do that with my mom because she would want me home and it would just be end of story.

Anyway we get to the hospital and my boyfriend’s grandma is a mess. Me and my boyfriend both decided that we would stay the night with her to make sure she is okay. I then get a call from my mom at 6am asking where I’m at when I responded she hung up and when I got home she didn’t even want to talk to me. I stood up for myself but now she’s mad and I’m considering moving out whether that be in with my boyfriend and his family or find some type of housing. I got a job but that’s working with my mom. Did I make the right call?

[OlderAndWiser]

No. You made the wrong call.

1. The day of your 18th birthday, you are suddenlly treated as an adult by the law, but that does not mean that you automatically develop adult judgment and maturity. That is a process which will take you into your mid-20's and no one is going to suddenly treat you differently. The fact that you WANT to be treated differently doesn't mean other people are obligated to respond differently. Get over it.

2. You don't even talk like an adult and stuff. You are whining about your mother and stuff and complaining and stuff and expecting everyone to feel sorry for you and stuff and, truthfully, it's laughable. . . and stuff.

3. You live with your mom in her home and she is in charge in her home. She doesn't live with you in your home. She gets to make the rules and it doesn't matter whether you like it, agree with it, or you want to be the boss. You're not, and you are dependent on her; she is not dependent on you. Get over it. If you want to be the boss, move out and get your own place. If you move in with your boyfriend and his family, then you won't be the boss in that house, either.

4. You re acting like an oppositional defiant teenager and INSISTING that you should be treated like an adult. Again, it's quite silly!

[JaxiCats]

1. I’ve tried to prove to her that I’m a responsible person but anytime I’ve done something that didn’t seem right or I made a mistake it’s been called out or I’ve been argue with and not talked to like I’ve tried to do.

2. We both live with my grandma but my grandma isn’t getting involved because she’s my mom. I get a fair amount of I’m in charge and you can’t do anything attitude yet I’m paying bills and taking care of pets and other shit that I’m not even involved with.

3. I’m trying to become independent but she hasn’t taught me how to drive so I have to rely on my boyfriend’s grandma. My mom said if I’m desperate enough I’ll figure it out. At my old job I paid for my own food, I paid for gas so someone would take me to work, pay for dog and cat food along with litter and pay my grandma’s cable bill. I was broke after each paycheck. I got a job but she works there as well I start Monday. My grandma is the one taking us there.

4. If I’m not acting like an adult or at least trying to why does she have to ignore me out of anger? It’s not her first time. My mom has just upped and left plenty of times without saying anything yet I tell her where I’m going it’s met with an annoyed okay. It’s been like this for months.

[OlderAndWiser]

Move out.

[JaxiCats]

I’m planning on it I would like to add that this “ You re acting like an oppositional defiant teenager and INSISTING that you should be treated like an adult.” Is crazy because I’ve spent my whole life trying to be mature and stand up to the expectations that the most you got out of me being defiant was not doing chores when I was 13 or whatever. I never argued with her and stayed home most days to stay out of trouble instead of making mistakes and figuring out who I was. My brother gained the “I’m adult treatment” once he turned 18.

[OlderAndWiser]

Life isn't fair. . . so move out.

[24jack]

Stay in your house don't move out do you even know what the rents like., And try convincing your mom , if you manage that without shouting then you'll be apriper adult , you can't throw a hissy fit everytime it doesn't go your way.


I'd say stay at home and get your relationship back on track with your mom , explain to her slowly, she's raised you for 18 years and it might be difficult for her to treat you like an adult who makes her own choices.
So convince her what you did was the right thing and get her to admit she could be a bit easier on you.

[JaxiCats]

It’s funny because I hate yelling, arguments or anything like that. Yelling is inevitable because I’ve basically gone without speaking up for myself for over 4 years. I need independence and I need trust. I’ve tried showing her, I’ve tried proving it to her but all I’m met with is I don’t trust strangers. In this case my boyfriend and his family. She hasn’t actively tried to talk to them besides hi how are you even though she talks about getting to know them. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and I’ve tried and my boyfriend has tried to make ourselves be responsible in her eyes but that fails every time. I can’t compromise with her because she’ll just change her mind again. She’s done that 3 times now

[JaxiCats]

And I’m not blaming her for any of this. But I don’t make mistakes often and I’m just trying to figure out who I am. My mom is a great mother but she’s sheltered me from basically everything.

[24jack]

Ohk , I'd still recommend that you stay at home and do whatever you want to do

[JaxiCats]

So you’re recommending me to stay home, continue to be sheltered but also do what I want which is leave and enjoy life outside my house

[Anonymous]

the reason she is bugging you is so she can sleep peacefully knowing that you're home. my mom did this all of the damn time. still pisses me off to this day, i know... it is a bit selfish of her. even when you explained the situation and kept in contact with her letting her know that you're alive. she needs to chill out. this is exactly why children end up resenting their parents for years and years, even as adults.

[JaxiCats]

Yea it’s just I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that like she made a deal with me saying I could spend the night with my boyfriend after I turned 18 and we both graduated but when I’ve asked she says no it doesn’t sound right. My boyfriend wouldn’t hurt me or put me in harms way and I’ve tried showing her that and tried to get her to interact with my boyfriend but she doesn’t interact with him unless it’s to say hi. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1.5 years which is by far my longest lasting relationship. It’s not even about spending the night with him though, it’s that I have to constantly prove myself to be responsible to when that’s all I’ve done is prove that or tried to. Now she’s not talking to me and I’m thinking about moving out.

[Guy13]

It seems like getting a job separate of family that supports you and a female roommate may be the best option.-You referenced this.
Your Mom will always see you as 13. It never changes. Sometimes things happen that are a little outside of our control. This is seemingly one of those times. There is no blame for anything/anyone outside of Timing…

[JaxiCats]

Yea but this job makes good money and I don’t have any friends to be able to room with especially since my boyfriend would be spending a lot of time when he can wherever I live. I don’t get what you mean by the timing thing tho. It’s like my mom is scared of me leaving and when I do worried that it’s a sign of her getting old or something. I want to leave slowly but my mental and emotional health is getting so bad that I’ve been feeling like throwing up, irritated or not getting enough sleep at night like I go to bed between 1-4am most nights and it’s been like this for 2 weeks. The nausea happens everyday now and I’m more anxious now than I was like I have to ask her to do literally anything like hang out with my boyfriend or hang out with my only friend.

[Guy13]

I mean the movie etc was Timing and Circumstance. Get angry at Timing rather than one another. Adults should recognize Timing/Circumstances role here.
Hope that’s clearer.

[JaxiCats]

I wish I could get angry at the timing but I can’t all I feel is anxiety and it’s making me feel like throwing up. I can’t sleep either.

[Guy13]

I don’t know your circumstances but I know this. I have a 6 year tenant who works at Lowes 10 years at night driving machines 40-50 hours and 21-28 hours at Bojangles. He’s paying 1800.00 and moving out. He will be having Christmas in his new home. Apparently, there is money to be made.

[Mynameisbobby]

I'm wondering why you stayed at the drive in watching movies when your boyfriends grandfather was in the hospital?

[JaxiCats]

We found out and we had already paid for the tickets. It costed 33 bucks for the 3 of us and we didn’t want to waste it we only stayed for 1 or the 2 movies

[slatyb]

You are 18, an adult. You don't need a curfew. Do what you want.

[QuietVerbena]

You did the right thing