A ONS pregnancy. Girls/guys what should I do?

[Anonymous]

Will keep this brief, had a ONS with a woman I find out is dating 2 other guys.
She falls pregnant and says 100% baby is mine but I don't have to be invovled, won't ask for anything and won't mention my name.

After soul searching I said I'd play a part but would want paternity test 1st, she refused saying I was the father and having that hanging over pregnancy would ruin it.

A week later she came back saying she would do a non invasive pre-natal test but only if I paid it
After researching I found out cost is nearly over £1000 results aren't legally binding, you do the test yourself so open to fraud at both ends also a few reviews say that results are sketchy.

I declined that for above reasons which made her angry and said that's her final "offer" and will now let me live with my decision.

This was nearly a month ago, not heard a thing since. My best friends wife is her best friend and she says I should do the prenatal and says she only slept with me in that time frame.

I'm in UK and law is because we aren't married or were in a relationship I have no parental rights, she cannot ask for child support in future unless she agrees to a DNA test at birth.

Some say I’ve done all I can, some say I should check in with her and be there for her (I don’t want to do that as not sure it’s mine) some say I should pay up and do the non legal test.

[Anonymous]

Really depends on what you want to get out of it.

If you want to be involved in the child's life if its yours then you should persue that.

https://www.bma.org.uk/advice-and-support/ethics/seeking-consent/consent-in-paternity-testing

It would appear that it is possible to get a court order for blood to be taken from the child against the mothers wishes in this scenario, the court will persue what is in the best interests of the child and generally takes the view that the truth is in their best interest.

[Asker]

Thanks, would you advise trying to talk / check in with mother now before not knowing if I’m actually the father

[Opinion Owner]

I would imagine that she is completely unaware that she could be forced by a court in this manner and just believes she can do whatever she wants, that isn't going to change so long as she remains ignorant.

I would suggest that you give serious thought as to what it is that you want, you have plenty of time after all, the child isn't even born yet.

If you do decide that you are going to persue this then making the mother aware of the situation, your intentions and your rights etc and appealing to her better judgement to simply consent to a paternity test would save a lot of problems.

You should not feel guilty about any of this though, you are not causing a problem, these are choices that she is making.

[Asker]

Thanks man.
I do feel like Im doing the right thing, unsurprisingly her best friend thinks the opposite and says I should be involved now and pay for this prenatal test (absolute no go) so that did make me have a wobble.

Morally I feel like I should be involved with this baby if it’s mine but I think I’m only feeling that due to society pressures such as what would people think of me, my mum, future partners etc.
If conceived whilst in a relationship /breaking up before knowing she was pregnant I know I wouldn’t feel like this and I’d be there, but this is different, a mistake with a ons.

I just don’t know what to do

[Opinion Owner]

This woman has knowingly had sex with multiple partners without birth control and now that she is pregnant she is going it alone and trying to block the father out of the picture.

Clearly it was her intention to get pregnant without your knowledge or informed consent. This is kinda rapey to my mind. But men have no rights, you give your consent to father a child any time you have sex.

This is absurd but a necessary evil.

When I said you should carefully consider what you want, I meant you, not someone else, not what you think someone else might choose for you.

While I personally consider it completely legitimate that you consider yourself a sperm donor I think you should consider your position in terms of explaining your actions to the adult child, no one elses opinion counts for anything.

You didn't knock someone up in a relationship and then bail, you aren't married, you werent asked if you wanted to father a child.

Only you can decide what is right for you.

[Adam1978]

Refuse to sign a fatherhood paper without it. Otherwise she can raise the kid on her own. Never trust a woman saying your the father of a kid after a one night stand.

[leighbee]

Do what you want but maybe help pay towards the baby

[Asker]

But she’s refusing a dna test, do, you think that’s a red flag

[leighbee]

YES!

[Avicenna]

I think you may still want to consult a solictor to make sure your understanding of the law is accurate and all angles have been considered.

[Asker]

Already done that and I’m covered but thanks. It’s just the moral advice really

[Guy13]

I would contact an attorney...

[LazerBean]

Agreed

[Amarah0]

Sounds like she's lying

[Asker]

Yea I totally don’t get her reaction tbh, other mothers that have been through similar said they would agree to a test no questions asked and have no worries about it