What could be a reason that no one ever listens to me (when it comes to advice or suggestions)?

Question

Could i be because I have no confidence, softspoken? Or could they just think that I’m dumb. All my life I’m always told that I’m wrong no one agrees with me ever and it just really sucks that it’s like that with everyone I’m close to. To my parents , I’m always wrong and my dad always choose my mom’s side and recently I told my boyfriend that we should save up to get married in June because I’m tired of sneak around for more than two years now and I want our future together to start already but he didn’t listen to me either sayibg that he is not changing his mind and is going to marry me April 2024 (essentially four years of sneaking into his bed room all together) . I told him that I’d be willing to work at a factory again and that I’m heartbroken that we can’t begin our future now. But nothing that I say ever matters maybe I’m just perceived as dumb to other people 🥺 I don’t know. I am a college student. Just wish that someone would listen to me. I told him that I was starting to feel empty going through the same cycle he still didn’t listen saying that it wouldn’t be a smart idea. At this point I give up with everyone because no one ever listens and I’m always wrong.

mickmrly · Accepted Answer

While you can’t choose your family, you can choose your boyfriend/future husband. I think from your previous question, you were saying that you are both having sex, he’s working a bit and you were thinking of going back to work and that you want to get married sooner rather than later. Frankly if he is getting sex from you regularly, at the very least he should be agreeing to marry you or negotiate a closer date.

Being married sounds important to you and if he doesn’t care about something that is so important to you, I think you should reconsider being in a relationship with him. At his point he is getting your affection while having none of the responsibility. This is probably the easiest it will be in the relationship for him, and yet he still won’t even be willing to change his mind and at least negotiate to better align with with your wishes. I think you should have a discussion with him and tell him either he will try to work with you and commit to you soon or you will break off the relationship. A marriage is give and take and he’s doing a lot of taking while not even pretending to listen to you. Money and jobs come and go, but bad personalities don’t usually change. He’s not going to get nicer even if you do get married.

If you wanted people to listen to you, you might need to look at more accepting places like op shops and charities where they have a less competitive environment. I volunteer at a charity and while the manager is in charge, the rest of the time is just the other volunteers helping each other out in doing their tasks.

While this may just be advice, your situation regarding listening is similar to my Mothers, where her parents looked down on her. While my Dad doesn’t always listen to her, most of the time he does. So you still have some hope yet, I hope you find a nice special guy that will listen to you and appreciate you for the person you are.

RealMarek · Accepted Answer

To your parents, you will always be a child. It can be difficult to get parents to listen even when you’re caring for them when they are older.

With your boyfriend, you have two issues that need to be worked out. First, you need to discuss how you feel like people dismiss your opinions without due consideration. Second, you have the issue of when to get married. The latter is difficult because our society’s conventional wisdom (wait for a very long time until all ducks are in a row) is on his side. However, you have a very good point about not wanting to sneak around to have sex. If you’re going to be having sex, you shouldn’t have to worry about his parents trying to open the door, etc. Perhaps part of the deal will be that he establishes an expectation of privacy with his parents. Put that task on him. He doesn’t want to get married yet but he wants to have sex, so he needs to find a way for that to happen without having to sneak around. You can say “I’m an adult; I’m done with that.” As for the marriage date itself, why April 2024? Why not a bit earlier. Tell him it would mean a lot if the two of you could meet somewhere in the middle.

by the way, are you engaged? If not, why not?

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

That’s not a super long list of people jay , and each of the examples are of people who would in each instance have an interest in their own view dominating yours.

I have known you for serval years yea you are sweet but. We’re only not dumb and I she always thought you were quietly very wise. I trust your advice you are actually quite good at giving it—you may not see it bc your own problems seems o insurmountable but it’s like that for all of us.

in my opinion if the people you surround yourself are always w native towards you that says something about them & I know you want healthy friendships and I believe that’s I’ll happen when you are living your own life instead under others thumb. You have a lot of strength ask wisdom in you the confidence will increase with more posture experiences— You’re gonna blossom 🤗

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

Almost no one listens to anyone, vast majority of people already think they know best. A lot of people are set in stone, and the older they are they seem to set like concrete.

I don't even try to change anyone's mind, just offer a take it or leave it.

I know you probably love your boyfriend but if he isn't working with you now on picking a marriage date, he will not work with you later on other issues. It sounds like he plans on being controlling and bossy as he already is.

You two should be working together to find a time to get married that your both happy with.

lightbulb27 · Answer

You aren't as strong willed as they are. They aren't agreeing with your nor respecting what you say. I've had that problem at times, other times, people learned to really listen because the little I said was on point. Nice and "meek" in this case, means you don't get what you want and may not even get a "say".

It's personality, you are not as strong, probably more empathetic and caring and so whomever is more powerful often wins... regardless of whether they are "right"... their opinion dominates. That can be a strength when you get your inner self right.

They don't respect you because you give in to their view and you don't fight back. If you did, they'd think something was wrong with you. The core of this is your inner self confidence/worth and strength you project.

Keep in mind... its possible you are wrong about topics, so do listen, but make your own decision. But if you are right about your needs like when you get married, then that is more conversation. you want something, he doesn't want to do that... so learn to communicate and work out the mutual decision.

Solutions: You can grow and get to a better place...

* You can work on becoming a better listener and to ask questions to probe what others say.

* Work on developing your self worth and confidence. ex. look in mirror and practice being strong. Practice saying no. Learn the value of "I don't give a "F"". Study wisdom from the past wise people.

Do not: Start yelling to get your way. It's inner strength in your convictions. Look at people who speak with conviction. Avoid becoming manipulative, I doubt that suites your soul.

Blackcupcake · Answer

well do you know what his reasons are for not wanting to get married now? also, why do you have to be married NOW for you to have a future together?

do you people why they think you’re wrong and listen to their perspective of things? or do they just say “no you’re wrong, end of discussion”?

I think it all has to do with proper communication… you have an answer, but not an explanation as to why the answer is what it is. in this case, “you’re wrong”. maybe you can try to communicate and understand the other side better and also, explain your side without recriminating or victimising yourself, while also acknowledging what the other part says… feeling heard is an important part of communicating… if someone feels like you’re not listening, then they’ll shut down and say “this is my answer and that’s it.”

you want answers, so you have to listen and acknowledge, then explain and try to make them understand as well.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I'm extremely torn on this one. Because, on the one hand, I always tell girls not to let guys use them for sex. But, on the other hand, I do not believe in rushing into marriage. So it's a stalemate for me.

I think if you want to have sex with him, have sex with him. That's your life and your business. And you're already doing it.

But I also really think you need to work on your relationship. And by that I mean the non-sexual part.
I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I do not recommend getting married until and unless you have a deeper and more well-rounded relationship. (And that of course includes him listening to you more.)

Finchie40 · Answer

The problem is most people can’t handle the truth , and most people don’t want to be told what to do , most people just assume that they are doing the right thong , when realistically they are are t , most people can’t admit when they are wrong. So they just get quiet or make excuses , that’s why they aren’t listening to you , Best thing for you to do is keep things to yourself and only give advice when asked , Now if you come across something that you don’t agree with just say I don’t agree with that make them come to you

jennifer_bloom · Answer

When I was 19 and 21 I had a similar problem. You have not gained the experience and history you would need to have older confidence and very shrewd social judgment so people view you as somebody who listens and not as somebody who speaks or gives orders. You will gain confidence with time and experience. Put yourself out there to talk to people, even if you feel embarrassed. The shame will go away and you will be stronger. You can also buy books and practice what they teach you - many have created books on social skills, that even very mature people can use.

coachTanthony · Answer

You need to be able to debate and argue with confidence. If you want to get married and not sneak around anymore then you need to break up with him. Problem is you don't have the self worth "I'm guessing" to do so. People in your life see this. You may have argued in the past on something and they say no no no and you simply agree and not follow through on what you wanted at the time. Start now. Get out of that god forsaken fuck boy relationship. Start there.

stellamint · Answer

I went through the same thing. I would say something, no one would care, but when they hear the exact same thing I said, said by someone else, it suddenly becomes important. Doctors are the same, I went to 3 doctors telling them I couldn't breathe, they just told me I didn't exercise enough. But I didn't give up, and went to a 4th one, turns out I have severe asthma. I learned to stop caring unless it directly affects me (like my health). If someone doesn't listen to my advice or opinion, I won't waste my time on them anymore. The problem is not you, it's them. Don't question your worth or yourself because some people don't value what you have to say. Keep your energy to those who value it.

StrangerSwotto · Answer

1 - Your opinion is just bad
2 - You don't look very confident about your advice
3 - You are not truth worthy
4 - The advice which is spoken by you make it seem very bad ( a fat person telling a mediocre person to lose weight)
5 - The guy wasn't asking for advice or suggestions instead it was an rhetorical question
6 - The dude already had an idea in mind and was seeking if someone had the same idea as him to gain his confidence of him being right instead of asking what to do

Staximus · Answer

You're not wrong, your boyfriend is just a lazy bum who doesn't want to get a real job so you guys can get a place together. You don't have to get married to live together, he just needs to stop being a bum that lives off his parents and get a real job

ZackBan · Answer

You should read a book called "never split the difference " written by a former FBI hostage negotiator that tells you just how the human mind works and how you can get people to listen and do what you want.

It's not about cheap tricks and deception it's really avout the way you present yourself and the logic with which you talk.

Making people listen is a sill and it takes learning and practice it's not to know how at first

Bethany22 · Answer

Why do you need to sneak into his bedroom? Anyways, I did the same suggestion to my boyfriend as well, saying I'd be willing to take any job in order to be with him, but that didn't seem to get get the apples falling on his head realizing what a catch that made me. I have the same issues with my parents, but I don't think boyfriend issues and parents are related. Maybe you're just too nice. You actually have to be willing to leave him in order for him to snap into action.

pascal_climbs · Answer

First check the validity of your arguments. Than try to communicate them in the language of your opponent. If they don't follow you and you think you are right, they probably don't understand what you are saying and they give their interpretation to it. Try replying with "why do you not agree with me". His answer will tell you how he interpreted your arguments

20yearsolder · Answer

What could be a reason, maybe your opinion suck. I mean that could be a reason I'm not saying your opinion suck but it's an option

PetiteBabe64 · Answer

Nobody cares what You have to say If they did They’d be interested in what you have to say and they would consider your Thoughts matter. instead you don’t matter Only they do that’s what they got in there head. Look around Open Your eyes Cause ain’t nobody ain’t Nobody gonna listen to you. Sometimes the only way to Truth is Through Darkness. I’ll let you figure out my little riddle I gave you.

Guardian45 · Answer

Oh J! What am I gonna do with you? Pull him aside and tell me "we need to talk." Those words alone electrify men! If it doesn't then you may have a problem.

Assuming it does get his attention, then outline your arguments with GOOD points why you want it. Then ask him to respond. Listen carefully, and refute what he says. In the end, you're the woman, and I am NOT aware of ANY relationship where the woman is NOT wearing the pants! Take charge and mean it!

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

You are NOT! The problem honestly I can say to are very mature for your age. You give people your advice and yet they go out of their way to do whatever they want. I know the feeling why even bother.

BlueScorpio · Answer

That sucks to hear, some people don't listen to others cause of their age or because they feel that person isn't serious to be taken due to their demeanor. But it really depends on what you're saying as well.

toxicpeach420 · Answer

Sometimes people don't wanna hear what you have to say EVEN if they asked you... that's cause it's not what they wanted to hear. OR your advice may not be that good... just sayin' maybe be more aggressive and not so soft spoken like you said... own that shit you saying and own it with confidence babbyyyy!

normalice · Answer

People don't want advice. They want to either hear a magic solution to their problem or they want to hear their opinion coming out of someone else's mouth.

Summeroflove · Answer

Some people just don't need or want the advice. Even if you know what is better... Some people you can't tell anything. Even if you're proven right they will get angry and double down

What could be a reason that no one ever listens to me (when it comes to advice or suggestions)?

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