How do I get my bfs mom to stay out of my finances?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend live to together and I have noticed that she’s a bit on the nosey side. So last year she asked me how much I made on my income tax, that kind of bothered me because I don’t share my information with just anybody, plus it’s none of her business. (Everyone is different) I decided to be nice and just tell her but I should’ve answered differently (in a nice way of course) but then she asked me how much my sister made on her income tax and I found that to be very weird, like that’s none of her business. I don’t even know how much my sister made and she wants to know?
I noticed she does the same with her son (my boyfriend). I’m sure she does this with others as well. Since it’s her son I don’t really have a problem. I just want her to stay out of my business financially. She also asked me how much I make an hour in front of everyone and it’s like, what if im not comfortable sharing in front of everyone. It’s weird tho because I wouldn’t mind telling his sisters or his dad how much I make an hour. It’s just her. I find her to be very nosey and in everyone’s business. It does not help that my bfs aunts all gossip which is from my bfs mom side of the family. So it makes me feel like she would go and tell everyone my business. Plus her asking a million questions everytime I go does not help. So I don’t trust because I don’t need his whole family all in my business. I am a very private person, the less people know about you the better. She never asks me how work is but she is so quick to want to know my finances. I am also in school right now pursuing my degree and she doesn’t ask me how school is going, but wait till I graduate and get a new job with my degree she’s going to be quick on wanting to know how much I make.
Me in my boyfriend are considering getting a house soon and I just know she’s going to be in our business financially.
What do I do about this because i am unsure how to handle her being all in my business.

[melanieeeB]

Tell her to mind her own business lol and if she keeps asking, tell her that you are not going to answer them

[Asker]

I want to tell her that but I don’t want to be mean lol

[melanieeeB]

You can say it kindly "sorry *name i don't wanna come of as rude but I would really appreciate it if you would stop asking me this" thank you very much

[LiamJHayden]

Because you live together she probably thinks your finances are intermingled (perhaps legally) so she wants to protect him. A bit of an overstep, but it is not like you are some girl he's only been on a couple of dates with.

[Asker]

Protect him like not take his money?
We live in an apartment and I signed the lease.
Although I do get what you are saying but what does her being in my business like my income tax and how much I make an hour have to do with her trying to protect him? I feel like she’s been nosey.

[Asker]

And also because she is in my sisters business about her income tax as well

[Asker]

She also knows that I am the main one that signed the lease in the apartment

[LiamJHayden]

No, protect his credit rating. But if she's in your sister's then she is just a busy body. Tell you boyfriend to keep her away from you on that.

[Asker]

She’s also very pushy about how she wants to be a grandma already and that she wants us having kids. Everytime I go that’s all she talks about, I had to tell my boyfriend to tell her to stop because she kept pressing me

[Asker]

Keep me away from what?

[Asker]

Okay I get what you mean about the credit rating. That’s totally understandable. She’s given him bad advice tho. So he has credit card debt and she told him to just stop paying for it but that it will mess up his credit and then she joked about using my credit cause mine is good. So if she cared about his credit she wouldn’t give him bad advice like that lol

[HollyK21]

Unless I missed it, have you tried being direct?

[Asker]

No lol I haven’t. I don’t want to come across as rude or I say something and she takes it the wrong way

[HollyK21]

You definitely should! If you’re anything like me and just a super nice/passive person then you probably avoid situations that you feel could cause confrontation, come off as rude or you’re even afraid of seeming mean. But sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves, and this is that moment lol. You’re pretty serious about your boyfriend, so if you married him one day, mom comes with the package, making boundaries being set with her even more important. I think you should find your own polite way of saying you don’t feel comfortable discussing your finances and for her to please not bring that up. Of course it would be more comfortable if your boyfriend had your back with this and told her himself. But if she’s in his business too I’m guessing he’s more of a mama’s boy and doesn’t want to ruffle feathers — a blessing and a curse trait for a man.

[Asker]

So it’s like he’s a mommas boy but he’s not because he himself gets annoyed with her and does not like that she treats him like a baby. I nice got annoyed with her and I was mad and told my boyfriend to tell her to stop texting me and he got annoyed with her as well so he told her nicely to leave me alone. She has also been very pushy about wanting to be a grandma and I told my boyfriend to tell her to stop putting that pressuring on me and so he texted her and told her to stop talking about babies with me lol. So hopefully after this conversation about the finances he sees it and understands it and tells her something about it

[Asker]

Sometimes I feel like he’s blinded by her behavior though and it suck’s sometimes to try to get him to see that some of her behavior isint normal

[HollyK21]

It’s good that he’s willing to speak up for you, and hopefully he does the same after you talk about this situation. But going forward and would truly encourage you to be direct with her when something is troubling you. I know it’s intimidating, I wouldn’t even suggest it if I wouldn’t do it myself. But the thing is, you need to establish mutual respect with her. She needs to respect you as a woman, and maybe one day as a wife and the mother of her grandchild. Right now your boyfriend is the middle man for you, and in the beginning of the relationship that’s understandable. But as things happen and there’s no word from you, she will keep butting in, running interference, and each time you will have trained yourself to be silent unless your boyfriend is your voice. That’s not the relationship with his mom that you want to create. So I know that sort of change won’t come overnight, but it’s something to truly consider for when the next thing happens. Unfortunately it’s always something with these moms.

[Asker]

I know right 🙄
So you’re saying instead of going to my boyfriend and him being my voice I should just be direct with her?
As far as the house he needs to say something as well cause that’s more of our business. I can just see it coming already lol. It’s really difficult to deal with her. She is nice and all, I just want to have a good relationship with her, and I feel like it starts with the relationship that she has with my boyfriend. That needs to change. She needs to see that he’s a grown man now, he’s 29, not 5 years old.

[Asker]

I just feel like she’ll start acting a certain way once I become direct with her and I just do not want to deal with that. Like I do not want to get on her bad side cause it will only get worse from there

[HollyK21]

Yes, I think it would be better if you spoke with her about this yourself. The thing is, her relationship with your boyfriend has been what he’s used to his whole life, so even though he’s a grown man I doubt that would change. Make peace with this knowledge and decide if that’s the sort of guy you want, or do you want someone more independent from their parents? Should you stay with him though, you’ve got to create your own relationship with his mom that is separate from what he has with her. For instance, if he wants to keep letting her run interference in his life then that’s him, but you aren’t accepting that treatment from her. Creating mutual respect as women and important figures in your bfs life is crucial. I understand not wanting to “get on her bad side”, but if advocating for yourself means all hell will break loose and destroy your relationship with him and/or his mom then like, do you really want that?

[Guy13]

Good luck. Momma Boy marry 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Asker]

😪😪

[Guy13]

If you are Christians “leave mother and father and cleave to wife” in Genesis. This was the design so read it to them anyway. Search “” words online for full verse.

[Asker]

The mother is super religious and still acts that way 😕 like I’m pretty sure she knows this