Is it normal that my Dad is starting to date a year after my mom passed away?

[Finchie40]

My Dad called me today to tell me he doesn’t want me getting mad but he is going to start dating again? I was a little thrown off by this but I told him it’s his life do what you want to do. After I hung up with him I felt numb and felt bad for my Mom and felt like he is a selfish person as to why so soon would you even consider dating? I know we have wants and needs in life but a year after losing his wife? Am I wrong to feel this way?

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you may have mixed emotions about your dad starting to date again after your mom passed away. It's important to remember that everyone grieves differently and there is no set timeline for when someone should start dating after the loss of a spouse.

While it may feel difficult to accept at first, it's important to try to support your dad in his decision to start dating again if it's something that he wants to do. It's important to remember that your dad is his own person, with his own wants and needs, and it's okay for him to explore new relationships if that's what he feels is right for him.

It's also important to communicate openly and honestly with your dad about your feelings and concerns, while also respecting his choices and autonomy. You may want to consider seeking support from friends or a therapist to help you work through your own feelings about your mom's passing and your dad's decision to start dating again.

Remember, everyone's grief journey is unique and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's important to prioritize your own emotional wellbeing and to support your loved ones in their own journeys towards healing and moving forward.

[Anonymous]

It goes both ways. We all deal with grief differently. I remember my mother getting rid of most of mad dad's stuff after he passed away which really angered me. But she was just trying to keep busy. She has saved a few of his things and kind of venerated it now. And I know she'll never re-marry. It's just how she dealt with that grief. It eventually hit her like a tin of bricks later.

I don't know how long your parents were married. But after a while it becomes part of you. It's like you're institutionalized. And to lose your partner is like having a piece of you amputated. It's understandable for you to not like it on some level. But know a new woman coming into your dad's life CANNOT erase the memory of your mom or the love that those two shared.

[Angeleyez76]

I to am going threw this my mom passed away much of last year 7 months late on my dad was on all these dating sites and showing me all these girls with their boobs hanging out and everything else hanging out like I really want to see that I didn't say nothing because I know I know that you're supposed to move on and let go but I have a I have a hard time with it being so soon they were married for 34 years I mean how do you just I know you're right about some people can't just can't be alone and you're right about that I get that I do but I mean I don't know I guess there's good in this bad to it I'm sorry that you have to feel those feelings I'm here for you if you ever want to talk going through the same thing my friend anything you need I'll always be here to listen as I have no one to listen to me in that department I have a lot of things going on in my life if I was to ask questions I would be on this all day LOL I hope you you find some sense of peace with what's going on like I said your story sounds like my story if you ever need to just talk I'm always here to listen I'll give you my number privately if you'd like

[Finchie40]

That’s the same shit my Dad is doing he joined a dating site and telling me all the girls are hitting him up , I’m like wow awesome Dad good for you lol Inbox me I would love to chat with you , it already seems we have a lot in common

[Angeleyez76]

Absolutely if I can figure out how to inbox you lol I'm sorry.. Ya I don't know it's whatever screwed up thing he's paying all this kind of money and he ain't getting one bite not one bite he's not he's not doggy and he's not my real dad he's just been my dad since I was 14 my real dad died when I was 16 so yeah he's my step dad but I've been trying to help him cuz I feel bad he's so lost and alone I tried doing the site for him to help him cuz sometimes he says things that I don't mind to me and I have to kind of tell him to reevaluate the fact that you've been my dad forever like since I was 14 regardless you know don't cross that boundary with me so I kind of weirded me out a little bit so I started putting him on all kinds of dating sites LOL but nobody's paying him up or he's going to upgrade every 5 minutes I'm going to see how I can inbox you okay you seem really cool you actually seem like one of the good ones LOL I know there's a few out there still I know I don't want to miss a chance if there is I am 46 and I wouldn't know what a good one is that's how sad my life has been

[Finchie40]

Hit he follow button on my profile

[Angeleyez76]

Says my xper level won't allow me to inbox you whatever this means

[Finchie40]

I just inboxed you

[Puppystarfish23]

I know how you feel. My grandad passed a year ago and my grandma has already moved on and I felt exactly how you mentioned.

I mean she's 78 and the relationship isn't serious I think it's just someone to do nice things with. I don't have the best relationship with my grandmother and I know she's a massive gold digger and surprise, surprise her new boyfriend is even richer then my grandad was. He seems like a sweet man yet I haven't met him yet but my gran likes a man she can push around.

It doesn't help now she's got a new man she's throwing all my grandads stuff out and referring to it as junk. I just feel hurt on his behalf

[Puppystarfish23]

She seemed so bitter and mad at the world even more than usual when my grandad passed but I was happy to see her not lonely.

It's just all them years they were together and it took her a year to move on. My grandad was such a sweet man and he loved my gran so much he did everything for her.

She hasn't even spreaded his ashes and has just given them to my mum and aunt and said do whatever you want with it... it She referred to my grandads ashes as "it"

It's like she's already forgotten him

[Puppystarfish23]

What can I say boomers tend to be a selfish breed

[Finchie40]

I am sorry you are experiencing that as well , you hit he nail right on the head , Selfish people , I just feel it’s to soon for my Dad to want to start dating again , I don’t feel like I really got to grieve over my mom yet to be honest and seeing my Dad just carrying away and doing his thing makes me SMH , but I just let it happen there is nothing I can really do about it , I just know I wouldn’t do that if I lost a loving wife that stayed by my side all those years , I wouldn’t even think about having another girl in my arms , at least not for awhile , Your Grand mom sounds like my ex , very selfish and only did what was best for her , I can’t stand people like that and sadly my Dad to me is just like that , I know he os up in age and probably doesn’t have much more time to live so I kind of see where he is coming from , he did tell me he isn’t marrying again he just wants a companion and wants someone to share things with so I was fine with it even though I really wasn’t but again it isn’t my life

[Puppystarfish23]

Yeah I don't mind about the companionship side like he's taking her on holiday and he's even learning to dance for her because that what my grandad and gran used to do.

My grandad loved dancing, he used to get all dressed up and it was a real shame when he stopped that was the biggest sign something wasn't right and it's nice my gran is still keeping that part of him alive just with another man..

It's just the attitude she has about it like she's desensitised now she has a new man and my grandad meant nothing to her. If he could see how she acted about his death he'd be broken

[Genie23]

I know what you're trying to say and how you feel but you need to understand that him dating others after your mum passed away doesn't mean he's trying to replace your mum with some woman. Not every person can be strong enough to cope with the loss and continue to live the life at an old age with no companion. He's probably feeling very lonely and maybe he's trying to distract himself from having constant thoughts about your mother that's making him weak and hopeless. He's trying to move on and give life another try. I think after a year of dealing with grief, you shouldn't judge him or hold against him for wanting to find a partner.

[Genie23]

With that being said, I am one of those people who would probably die of heartbreak if my SO dies after staying with me for over 20 years. I'm just glad your dad at least healthy and trying to give life another try again and in his defense, he did inform you/ask you, right?

I'm so sorry for your loss, though. i didn't know.

[Finchie40]

Thank you , and yes he did inform me which I felt that was nice of him to do considering he didn’t have to tell me anything, so that’s kind of why I was accepting of it , even though at the time I didn’t know what to feel. Basically I had a bunch of question marks popping in my head at one time , basically analyzing everything at once , why I felt so lost
Like it’s something I don’ t think I would do if I lost the love of my life but again everyone has their own lives and I kind of saw where he was coming from , so I was accepting of it , it did cross my mind if my Dad truly loved my Mom , that’s been sitting over my head the second we hung up and of course I am missing my Mom and feeling bad for her as well cuz I know my Dad was a selfish person which kind of got me upset about the whole thing but again I see where he is coming from and I see nothing wrong with him finding a companion while he is still here on Earth , Life is just crazy to me lately and I been having a hard time knowing which direction to turn myself , I know I want to experience true love but lately it feels hard to do cuz so many people are selfish these days it seems, But for some reason I am still here trying to figure out which direction I need to turn as well , it’s been so hard lately

[DizzyDesii]

Im sorry for your moms passing. I truly am. But if i was married, I don't know if i’d even wait a year to date again. Youve been married so long you start to miss flirting. I don't know ig it would depend on if i had kids to give my attention to instead

[Finchie40]

Thanks Des , I have just been numb for this past year , I feel so lost in today’s world of not knowing which direction to turn , it seems like nothing really matters to me anymore I know I want to experience true love and happiness but sadly it has been so hard for me to do , I know losing my mom and my older brother shortly after each other hit me like a ton of bricks and just seeing how my Dad has been after losing his wife kind of didn’t sit well with me but I just learned to except it , I know he is up in age as well so I can kind of see where he is coming from but it just seems so sodden to me , I don’t think I really officially grieved over losing my mom it still feels like it wasn’t real but I know she is gone , All I have been doing is continuing with my life and doing what I have to do but I feel like my emotions are gone , I still treat people with kindness and still try to joke around but at the same time I feel like I am pretending to be happy , if that makes any sense , Everywhere I go it seems so many people are miserable , And no one really seems happy to me, it’s like everyone is fake happy. I also feel like I have experienced a lot on life so far and I really have nothing else to look forward to , I am still seeking true love but sadly that seems gone as well , who knows life is just crazy

[DizzyDesii]

I dont expect you to ever get over the loss of your mom and brother. And yes so many people are fake happy it irks me

[chrissykerdock]

unfortunately life goes on without your mother...1 year is normal... maybe not your liking because she was your mother... and having a dead parent is numbing... my father has passed and my mother never dated but she has a lot of medical issues... it's never easy... but it's normal to date 1 year after passing if you want my 2 cents.

[Ben487]

Its a good thing probably that he is out there trying to continue living life.

[jennifer_bloom]

Some people cannot cope with being single, they need romance just like we need sleep or rest.

[Angeleyez76]

I agree with you I know your right it's just so odd seeing him without her and hard it was just last year so for me it's hard but for him it just be even harder haven a partner for so long then you blink and she's gone and your lost I can't imagine how he's feeling so I try to except it for his happiness

[gorydetails]

Absolutely normal. It's selfish of you to expect him to be lonely. Bro, you're 45. Not a teenager.

[Juxtapose]

Sounds like that love was in for real. Think about it, could you ever replace your mother? How about your father?

[Juxtapose]

*wasn't for real

[noohair]

It is more common in older men that can't function without the help of a woman. Give him a break. He needed your Mom and now he needs help.