Have you given up trying to make friends as an adult?

[Anonymous]

I have tried to many friends as an adult for the past 8 years. Never have I ever suceeded at making a long term friend. Its hard enough for me to make a friend. It feels almost impossible to find a long term friend (more than 2 years). All i have are a pile of acquaintances. the best way to describe my experience "trying to make friends" as an adult: Trying to make friends with a bunch of people who dont have any desire to make friends. This even applies to people who claim they are lonely.

Adults simply do not have the persistence or serious desire in meeting up with others. The only thing they are persistent in is romance and dating. this is the only thing they usually take seriously.

as for right now, I"ve permanently quit trying to make friends.

Its so hard to get someone to meet you for coffee. that it has become ridiculous and now im realized i've tried way too hard on people who simply do not care enough.

Updates

10 mo

for the first time in my life, i am ok being alone. traveling to places all alone. because i know that the grass on the other side isn't much greener. betrayals., short lasting friendships... nobody is loyal nowadays

[abc3643]

The primary source of friends as an adult are either...
1. the people you meet at work or college
2. the people you interact with on a frequent basis (for instance, store employees you frequently see when you shop)
3. your neighbors
4. parents of your kids' friends
5. people who share your hobbies (for instance, I had some nice friends here since I've been here for almost 9 years now.)

But, what is important to realize is that adult time is different than when a kid. Adult time needs to managed more because, as an adult, you have to do more to care for yourself and any family that you are responsible for. Time spent is much more structured and free time is much less available. The casual "Hey, you wanna go do ________?" on a moment's notice is practically nonexistent to most adults and they will reply with something like "I'd love to but I can't. I have to ___________ tonight because _________."
And that's just the way it is in the real adult world.

[Asker]

here's there thing : if you genuinely cared or wanted something enough, you will make time for it. there is no such thing as "having no time". it all boils down to priority.
as far as i see it, its been pointless to try to schedule people to meet up when they never ever make time for you.

but they would make time to go out on dates though.

[abc3643]

LOL... actually, there IS a thing as having "no such time".
It is currently 8 PM CDT where I am.
I am doing animal chores right now - 1 have 2 cats, 8 dogs, and a horse.
I am sitting down because I have to give my dogs time to poop before I put them to bed. THEN, I get to clean the kitchen. Chores won't be done until after 10 PM.
I'll be getting up sometime between 5 AM and 6 AM when I have to sit on the pot and give birth as part of the morning shit, shower, and shave cycle. Then deal with the morning animal chores before breakfast (maybe) and showering. Maybe sneak in some breakfast before I go to work from 8 AM to 5 PM.
On Saturday, I need to go to the vet - almost every Saturday because I have either appointments or have to drop off poop samples or to buy prescription dog food. Oh, and if I am lucky, I get to visit my mail at the Post Office which is only open from 8 AM to 10 AM on Saturdays. Then, I need to go food and supply shopping. Then, I need to spent 2 hours cleaning horseshit from the barnlot.

You are right that, if it's important, you make time. But the problem is that there are a lot of things that are important and that are a higher priority than some casual get-together that can take a few precious hours out of the day. So, you are right - priority - and casually seeing friends becomes a much lower priority the older you get.

[Asker]

because the average person does not have 15 pets to take care of. Your pets are your priority over a social life. if you valued your social life , you would get rid of some of the dogs so you can have more time for other things.

like i said, there's no such thing as not enough time. its just that pets are your priority, not your social life. it all boils down to priority

[abc3643]

My pets are my WIFE'S priority, not mine. I have to keep them alive though.
But, regardless, the bottomline is this...
The older you get, the more obligations you have and that eats time, energy, and money.
So, sometimes even if the time is available, the money or energy may not be.

Meanwhile, you wrote this:
"If you valued your social life, you would get rid of some of the dogs so you can have more time for other things."

While this may be true, the fact that you said it tells me that you have a lot of growing up to do and that your social and emotional intelligence needs improvement. This may be a significant factor on you not having a social life. Reflect on what you wrote and ask yourself why it is problematic.

[Asker]

@abc3643

Your wifes dogs are not your dogs. You are under no obligation to care for them. It is your DECISION to put your wifes dogs ahead of your social life

Its like saying you're so busy with work that you haven't showered in 3 weeks. Regardless of how busy you are, people always end up finding time to shower. Because showering is a priority. Regardless of how busy people are, people always find time to sleep. Because sleep is a priority.

[Asker]

Why dont you admit having a social life is simply not a priority?

I know married people tend to be least motivated to make new friends. They tend to like staying home with their families

[mommymommymommy]

Yeah

[midnightmoon05]

Give up? No…I don’t give up on anything I like doing.
making friends? Easy…it’s very very very easy for me to be friend and make long life friends…I chose not to with many beciase I just don’t have time to hang out with so many people.
I have friends from when I was a kid…(2 I maintain).

2 college friends.
2 adult friends

I have met so many others I chose not to keep in touch…

oh…. I also keep in touch with a few gag friends…

so just reach out if you want to make friends…connect with them…listen to them…. share some good laughs and common interest.
As always…it takes 2… make sure they return the friendship.

enjoy the journey of life.

[Nikki1989]

No, I love meeting new people.

[jennifer_bloom]

I'm religious so I have no difficulty making friends with religious people and I'm also nice and have good family values so a lot of people with kids like to befriend me too, even if I don't have kids, I'm a good emotional support for their kids.

[lightbulb27]

no but it's harder at my age. I meet people but really connecting and putting in time together... that requires common interests or issues.

[Asker]

Its the same for me. Im only 27

[Anemone978]

I admit it is hard to make friends as an adult but I haven't given up.. so much as I simply don't care to have friends..