If a good friend admits their feelings and you don't feel the same way, what do you do?

[Anonymous]

I have my own situation like this. It is complicated, but long story short I admitted to a friend I like her/have feelings for her.

She didn't know I felt that way, and from what I gather, she said a good amount of reasons (distance, she has social anxiety/her own mental health problems to take care of first, has a hard time being a good friend - yet alone anything more). All things I thought about prior to asking, but felt maybe we can move past that - felt it was worth it. Overall, I don't think she feels the same way.

She did say that she really likes me a lot and wouldn't want to lose a good friend (she doesn't have many).

I told her I appreciate her honesty and I understand - and i hope i didn't complicate things. She knows herself the best - but if she ever needs help/advice or anything not to hesitate to ask - good friends are hard to come by and we all need help sometimes with life's struggles. We can't overcome things alone.

She gave me a 💖 , i gave her one back and that was that. (This all happened this morning)

I've been sitting on it, but I plan to give myself some time. I'm not going to be an ass and ghost her, especially if she has emotional/social anxiety issues. But wondering if I should wait for her to reach out to me first? I don't think my response was anything like I said "goodbye" ?

[petitedollbabee]

I’ve had this happen a few times. I’ve just been honest and let them know that I don’t see them in a romantic or sexual way, only platonic. It’s up to them from there as to whether they can get rid of their feelings and continue the friendship, or if they would like to end the friendship. I don’t take it personally if they end the friendship, I understand.

[SakuraBlossoms87]

Honestly.

You refer to yourself as a "good friend" and yet question what do you when the woman you had the "hots for" doesn't return your feelings.

If you were a legitimately good friend you'd do as good friends do & BE a friend.

But you're not a good friend, you're not even a legitimate friend.

You were quite obviously just hanging around for a potential a date.

This is apparent when you admit you knew of but didn't care for her own issues. IF you were a friend you'd asked her, consulted about her mental health, etc. and not randomly selfishly spouted well I like you but...

What your entire summary says is "I don't really care about you, but I'd fuck you".

[Asker]

Sorry if i triggered you. I read through my message and I don't quite see how my words got translated to your interpretation?

All I really said is that we are Friends, I fancy her, I admitted my feelings, she doesn't feel the same way, and also gave me reasons (which some were reasons why I had refrained from bringing it up sooner, but thought we couldmove past it). What was I supposed to do? Keep it bottled in? She told me she didn't know I felt that way.. now she knows.

I added she has social anxiety/emotional issues, so I wasn't sure how to go about it. Not planning on ghosting her, but sit on it for a little while.

How that makes me look like an ass, I have no idea... sorry if you interpreted that way.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

So you give her all the emotional support she needs, you're always available, you're happy to put yourself out for her, but she won't fuck you.
The fact that you put up with that is why you'll forever be in the friend zone with this chick.

Tell her you want more than a friendship or you're backing out. You're a man, not her teddy bear. That sounds rude, but it might just be the thing she needs to see in you to actually spark her interest. Right now you're nothing but a simp in her eyes, because that's exactly what you're doing

[mobiusforniner]

Be honest. I did the same, I told her directly. It hurt, because i lost my friend. But love is truth. Love is being genuine. Love is setting free. Not just for her, but for yourself. To live on, in a box and not being able to tell her how you feel, it is not emotionally healthy and it betrays the both of you. And you will find, no matter how hard or how hurtful, being honest will always reward you in the long run.

[thatshydork]

Be 100% honest with her about your feelings. The faster the rejection, the faster they’ll get over their feelings and be able to move on. As for continuing the friendship after that, well that’s up to you honestly but if you don’t want to lose her friendship, which it sounds like you don’t, continue hanging out with her and talking to her like you did before. It’s normal to feel a bit awkward at first, but that’ll eventually go away.

[Asker]

Yes - thanks! I am planning on giving it a little over a week since i did get rejected..., then I will reach out and say something like "hey how are you?" Then reiterate that I'll be here for them if they ever need anything. Then let them talk to me if they want to. Respect their decision that they only want me a friend.

[thatshydork]

Sounds like a good plan

[sheenagwapa]

continue your life at the same time be a friend. me personally if i don't have romantic feelings i am honest just like what happened to my ex and when i do i'm also honest. but my view with men rigjt now is really shitty. i don't even know how to overcome this anger that i'm feelinh inside.

[Asker]

Having a day pass since, I am going to give it a week or so then I'll reach out. I will be fine being friends. I just probably won't go out of my way like I did before. Good friends are hard to come by.

[AaronKrieger]

I've been there before a few times and each for different reasons. Overall, only a few did I stay good friends with because they were fine with being friends.

I reacted poorly to some, but I was honest in those situations. The other person appreciated it and we moved on with life. It's not the end of the world if someone doesn't like you back. You also can remain friends (genuine ones)

[YesterdaysChild]

I would think twice before getting into a relationship with someone with mental health issues. It is not your job to fix them. Besides, some require a good psychologist/therapist to get them close to being better. Why put yourself through hell when you can find a girl who is competent and mentally sound?

[Asker]

Yes, I have been thinking about it more. When she is good, she is good, when something comes up she can close off.. it would be a toxic relationship. I just was maybe overlooking it. It just felt like we fit for each other, personality wise and I think we would be happy. But again, maybe I am blinded and can't see the elephant in the room.

[PeytonVD]

It’s VERY hard to come by a true and great friend who’ll stay by your side through anything.

[Asker]

Yeah - not sure if you need the full history of us, but I would say we have come a long way. I always feel if you stop talking for something 'silly' then you were never true friends. Not to say me admitting my feelings was silly, but I will still be there for them. Just need time for myself. Hoping they will reach out to me first, but I'm giving myself a little over a week. Thanks!

[PeytonVD]

I love a bit of history, how well do you know this girl?

[Asker]

Hi - thanks!

Well, we are long distance (other countries), which was a concern from the get go. We met online few years ago. However, originally I am from the same country and come 30 minutes from where she comes from. Still have family/friends there - so traveling back isn't a problem - hence why i thought we can move past the distance.

Over the past year we have gotten closer and met in person - i also met her family. With that being said, she is awkward, and when she has triggers etc where her mood changes, she closes off... when she is good, she is good. (That was what I was thinking twice about - how it can be toxic, but I was able to put up with it).

She's been in a tough position again recently over the past few weeks/month. She made a comment that we will probably see each other again in 5 years, so I got bothered since I was in a sour mood with personal stress so that is when I told her my feelings (i like her/care about her, appreciate her, id like to get to know her better, she's pretty, i really feel that if we lived closer and spent time together we would really hit it off, i appreciate her opening up and letting me get to knkw her, she's an amazing person etc, not sure how she feels, i apologize if i complicated things for her since i understand that she has her own things going on and told her that I was botherd by her comment since I wasn't in the proper mental space to hear that. I told her that if she needs time to think over it it's fine, and if she doesn't feel the same it's also OK.

[Asker]

She wrote me back and that is when she turned me down and said she didn't know I felt that way. Gave me a good set of reasons, distance, her awkwardness (she has a hard enough time making friends yet alone something more serious), and that she really has to work on herself (she went into further detail on this, but it really made me feel really bad/sad for her) all valid points - but at the same time maybe she is hard on herself, but i know i can't change her mind. And she also said that she wouldn't want to lose her good friend from over the mountain (we both come from mountain regions so a little joke).

That is where I told her I appreciate her honesty, I understand, gave another rebuttal/reiterated what I said, and told her that if there is anything I can do/help, never to hesitate to ask me/reach out since good friends are hard to come by and we all need help sometimes through life's struggles. Overall I guess I am either blinded, or was looking past some of the struggles thinking that can get overworked in time

Then got the 💖 and that was all.

So yeah, I am still going through the process in my head trying not to think about it, however... I plan to reach out to her early next week and ask how she is doing. I will still be her friend, and Reiterate that, but I might not give it much attention anymore. Just let her reach out to me and maybe let the friendship drift away unless she presses it more.

What makes it awkward now is we took a photo together and I put that on my messenger profile, and she put the same one too 😅 I did it mainly for a confidence boost for her since she has low confidence - but it was a good photo of us both. At the time the energy between us felt good - but now , like I said, she is going through a rough time

Anyway- that is more of the details/situation.

[AviatorTom]

You tell your friend, as honestly as you can, how you feel. Honesty among friends is always a good idea.

In this case, it would allow your friend to go find someone else, since you are not the person for them.

[Jazzy54]

I was in that situation, but it was the other way around. I had the crush. I didn’t admit it until after I got over the crush. He was very sweet and mature about it. My crush didn’t make things awkward between us. We remained friends. 😌

[sheikalana]

I would be honest with them and probably distance myself for a while.

[Asker]

Yeah that is what I am thinking of doing. I told them, got rejected, and now i think I need time for myself. So maybe a week or so I'll just say a simple "hey how are you?" I would still like to be friends, so I'd reiterate again that they can reach out to me if there is anything I can do/advice etc - leave it open to them to communicate with me- mainly because of their social anxiety and they don't have many friends, I'd feel terrible to dissappear and cause more issues for them.

[Anonymous]

So with good friends when they admit it to me and I don’t feel the same way I wait a little bit but then if they say it in person it’s just something like, “It’s not like I don’t like you, but you just aren’t my type of guy that I typically go after. I’m sorry.”

[HannesK]

Tell them the truth. Nothing is worse than to lie to reduces the pain in the moment, it creates more pain over time

[Anonymous]

I would tell them:

“In order for me to remain honest, I have to tell you the truth which is that I don’t have feelings for you and therefore cannot reciprocate yours. I know that it sucks and I know it’s awkward now but I hope we can still remain friends even if it takes you some time to move past it. I wouldn’t want to lie to you by telling you something untrue, even if it’s easier to hear.”

[LovingJo]

Tell them how much they mean to you, but be honest. It's way better than to let them think otherwise, stringing then along. It ruins friendships.

[Reem12345reem]

just continue normally like u would normally text her , and I don't think she'll reach out first

[Pinay_ako]

Just tell them the truth. It will hurt but it’s honest and it will set both of you free

[HappyWoman34]

Usually I’m nice about it. Too nice, so they keep trying. Or they start off uninterested, then they change their minds.

[exitseven]

I would be honest. This happened to me once. I told her that I really did love her but not the way I should. It would not be fair if I took advantage of her like that.

[spartan55]

Dude, you swung and missed. You really can't stay friends with her now. I hope you understand why.

[InspiringMind]

This^^

[Raaj4you]

I would humbly reject it and say, "lets just be friends".

[SolitarySolace]

I don’t have any female friends. The only female friends I have are either in a relationship with or married to my male friends.

[Nikki1989]

You need to tell her how you feel before things progress any further.

[Asker]

I did. I don't think she feels the same way. She just told me she really likes me and doesn't want to lose her good friend (she has social anxiety/not many friends).