Are we good? I was obviously ridiculous and annoying, but did I wreck the friendship?

[Anonymous]

I have trust issues, and a tendency to overthink things. I'm fairly new to my job, and know a co-worker hates me. So tonight, they had been talking about potentially going out. I was one of the last to leave & 2 co-workers I'm semi-friends with said they were going home. Then they proceeded to go in the opposite direction of their homes toward mine. I call one of them still wanting to believe them, & ask if she wants to grab milkshakes. She's obviously at a restaurant, and I due to trust issues, thought they might have all gone out without me. She said a friend called so she went out, but she said it was to a restaurant she had passed. I totally forgot there was another one. So I'm torn because I feel like it would be an insane conspiracy for them to all go out without me, but also again, trust issues. I finally decide I'm crazy, and text her something along the lines of I believe you, but an FYI due to trust issues, I'd rather hear a hard truth than a lie. So I think that hurt her.
She said she really felt like I thought she was lying, but she wouldn't lie about that, and that she's sorry if she hurt my feelings. So I proceed to make it potentially worse by admitting that I didn't at first, but definitely do now. (I remembered the other restaurant lol) And also that she hadn't hurt my feelings. Which was true because as soon as I thought about it for half a second, I realized how crazy that was. Then I sent another couple sentence apology, and third text saying to have a great weekend. Nothing. If we were fine, I figured I'd at least get a you too. But being the overthinker with trust issues that I am, knowing that she's kind but also I think said she has trust issues and I might have really hurt her, at the fact that I didn't get a reply, am continuing to overthink it. I texted saying to let me know if we weren't good, that I know I'm a lot & realized how ridiculous it was after I thought about it for a sec. Nothing. But she's been online so? Are we fine?

Updates

1 y

*At "So I proceed to make it potentially worse by admitting that I didn't at first, but definitely do now." I meant believe. I admitted I doubted at first, but believe now. I wrote that backwards lol

[Anonymous]

You’re doing way too much and need to dial it back. Your insecurities and trust issues should be no one else’s problem but yours and it’s not fair to make others pay for your mental health. All of the spam texting and semi-accusatory behavior towards this person that you hardly even know is just strange. Personally I wouldn’t have responded either because I’d be uncomfortable and feel like I’m being treated as a boyfriend/girlfriend or something. If they went out without you then they don’t owe you explanations, apologies or any of that stuff you feel entitled to. If they aren’t the sort of friends that want to go out with you then that’s just what it is. You’ve got to chill.

[Asker]

Heh, I thought I made the part where I knew I messed up clear. Yes, I hardly know her in the grand scheme of things, but everyone is fairly close and I've been there for several months now. I thought I was becoming a part of things. They don't owe me an explanation or an invitation, but what triggered me was the thinking I was lied to. While I wouldn't quite say it was spam texting because none of them were long, I know 4 text was a bit (or a lot) much. 100% thank you for your honesty though.

[Opinion Owner]

I definitely wasn’t saying that you didn’t realize you messed up, I’m just saying the actions were excessive and not something you should do in the future. I understand the feeling of wanting to be involved, I’ve been there and in general it’s hard making friends after hs/college so it’s nice to feel like you’ve made some. Not saying that they aren’t friends. But the way your mind is working, you have to realize it isn’t for them to reassure you of their truths and convince you they’re being honest. If they don’t invite you out, or even lie straight to your face about it, yeah it sucks and probably hurtful but you just swallow it, see them for who they are and let it go. They’re not good friends to have anyway if that’s how they behave. As for the texting, maybe it’s just a personal thing but one text, even a second one if I forgot something is more than adequate. Four texts, on top of everything else is just a lot.

[Opinion Owner]

Trust me, none of what I say is coming from a place of misinterpretation or not being able to relate, I genuinely get it. I’ve had three of my female coworkers getting ready for a party at another coworkers house right in front of me knowing I wasn’t invited lol it’s shit. But the last thing you want is to be that girl being laughed at in a group text, or chatted about for being weird or doing too much. It’s just not that important to hang out with them.

[Asker]

I really appreciate all of this!!

[MisssA]

Yea sorry but don’t message her anymore. You’re making it worse. For future reference if someone isn’t your spouse or child they owe you zero explanations so I really wouldn’t do that again to anyone. The best thing you can do is just lay off

[Asker]

Trust me, I definitely wasn't planning on it lol. I'm just trying to figure out if I totally messed things up with her or if there will be some grace.

[EnglishEuropean]

I mean you summed it up by saying you overthink things and you have trust issues. I'd suggest you give your co-workers some space and stop trying to get inside their heads.

And by the way if they're trying to go out without you it's probably because you're acting crazy.

[Asker]

This was the first thing like that I've done. I know it was crazy. I cared more about the lie than the fact that they went without me.

[EnglishEuropean]

I'm surprised. Usually this kind of insecurity leads to a pattern of irregular behaviour.